It is a quiet morning and I am feeling in control of the little aspects of my life, the cup of tea I can have, the flowers I can admire, the amount of milk to be bought, the vegetables to be cooked, the only events in my life over which I do have some say. The rest is apparently, completely out of control.
I mean I am bloody 44 years of age and I do not even know if I have achieved anything so far except of course of bringing my daughter in this world and looking after her basic needs. I do not know if I have been present for her emotionally at all. Specially since I started this company. Anyway, she has been posting these lovely pictures in my blog and I am very grateful to her for her support.
My daughter shared with me yesterday how her friend was being abused by her father and yet she was in denial about it. The sharing reminded us both of the abuse we had suffered, me from my father in terms of physical abuse and she from her father in terms of emotional absence and unavailability. And we felt connected in that moment. Despite all the hardships and financial mayhem, we are not living with abuse today. I guess that is all we can claim.
And it occured to us that anyone in the position of power and money could abuse those dependent on him/her for their sustenance. It happens all the time in the outside world. But to experience it in the family from people who are supposed to love you and protect you can be devastating. I guess that is how women thought of earning, to protect themselves from this kind of abuse, to stop being completely vulnerable in their significant relationships. But apart from money, an emotional independence is also necessary to be self supporting and that is just not easy.
Unwritten commitments are like the 90% part of the iceberg which is always below the water. One cannot see it but that is the largest and most important part. The written commitment is like the 10% part of the iceberg which is above the surface.
So the unwritten commitments are always more important than the black and white ones.
At peace.
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