The Jaipur trip was positive. A lot of discussions and negotiations. I was very tired as I had taken an early morning train and had had only very few hours of sleep. And the train was a chair car, which is exhausting.
Nevertheless, I think the facts were presented very well and the next step was clearly defined. So fingers crossed for now. There was a split second doubt in my mind when I thought that ‘My God, I am a woman and they may have second thoughts about dealing with me’ and then I let it go. I really cannot change my gender. Too late for that anyway.
My father came to visit me in the office yesterday for a few minutes. Somehow his visit always perturbs me. He asks questions and in my mind I am rattling questions of my own. Why can’t you stand up for me in the family. Why have my daughter and I been ostracized from the family unit. Why was there no support, emotional or finnacial when my marriage broke up. Why did you not let me study literature as I wanted to. And many such queries. Questions which will never be answered, as emotional honesty has never been a hallmark of our family. We only want to look good. At any cost.
Still looking for a good and responsible accountant. Need to work on the business plan. And a lot of other smaller issues.
My daughter feels that I am not giving her enough time or attention. And rightly so.
Talking the talk is easy. Walking the walk is killing. jaan nikal jati hai.
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