And finally, it seems that I can heave a sigh of relief, for now. There is work, money is on its way (unbelievable), enough to meet our bills and I just don’t know how to be happy. My gloomy face is stuck to me. well, old habits die hard.
Me and my daughter are planning to go to Ajmer. I wish to visit the Ajmer Sharif Dargah and my daughter wants a break. So next weekend might just be different ( at last). The last time we went anywhere was around five years ago.
I went for an AA meeting after ages and it felt good just to see the old familiar faces, the old timers. I have always felt welcomed there, regardless of the status, education, family, money I had or did not have. So I have walked to meetings when I had no money and today is so much better. Today I can drive to a meeting. And there is a ‘realness’ there which is not there in the outside world and if it exists, I have not experienced it as yet.
As of now, the ‘Inside’ and the ‘Outside’ are not matching. There is a certain amount of turbulence inside due to the politics and cheating in the office. For small amounts of money. Very disgusting. Dishonesty, is very difficult to digest, specially from team members. But it is difficult for me to catch the small acts. I am only focussed on the larger picture.
Is there any way to control the pettiness of people?
On the ‘outside’, I need to be in control, in charge, sure of everything. Lot of discrepancy in the inside and the ‘outside’.
Dealing with it.
