The Jaipur trip was alright. Met Dr. Venkateshwaran, secretary (LSG) in the secretariat. Experienced the ‘Babu culture’ first hand. We waited for close to two hours. Our hearts and minds in turmoil. As I sat across him behind his large desk and blackberrys and the row of chairs for visitors, it just crossed my mind for a fleeting second that it did seem like an easier life. That is what my parents wanted me to do. Become a bureaucrat. Maybe in our country it is still the passport to power, money and control. He said that he would suggest an ‘amicable’ solution unofficially as he could not intervene directly. This word ‘amicable’ amazes me. When all our work and career is at stake, how can we be amiable to an amicable solution?
Director(Planning) Sancheti was another story altogether. He repeatedly asked me: ‘Aap itni chitthiyaan kyun bhejti hai?’ I mean it is clear: ‘aur to kuch har nahin sakte hai na. Shanti se chittiyan bhej rahen hai. Violence to nahin kar rahe.’ These guys are not picking up the phone, not open to communication. And of course our telephones and faxes are still working (meaning they have not been disconnected as yet despite the fact that the bills have not been paid). So they also committed to find a solution and it was only around 8:00pm that we could have a berger each before leaving for Delhi.
The team is solidly behind me. I think that is what is keeping us going. The crisis has brought out the best in each of us. There is fear and there is a lot of pressure and I do not know how the next hour or minute will go. And it is in these moments that all the formal education and institutions and degrees seem uselss. We create systems for people and then those very systems kill the same people that they are supposed to serve. Systems promote secrecy, hierarchy and ‘looking good’. All detrimental to growth and freedom.
The people within the system are abused. And then the ‘abused’ become the ‘abusers’. It is a vicious cycle. And it spans generations,countries, continents.
Rahul Kaushik messaged on my blog. I deleted it because I have heard this over decades now from innumerable men. That I have used my female charms (I thought I had none left, I mean honestly!) to start this company, to get work and then I have blackmailed people with whom I had affairs (!). Bol lo bhai. It does not affect me anymore. He is just besotted with Veena and desperately wants to win her. So go ahead. scrap karo. mil lo. follow her. pursue her. message her. call her.meet her. It is a free country. He has a bruised soul (that is what he said to her)and for some mental peace he wants her by his side. And he is waiting with fingers crossed! ( do men ever change?).
I am just hoping that Veena is able to take the right decision for herself and protect herself. The protector can very easily become the abuser.
The abuser and the abused. The lines are very thin and blurred.
