Disipline,consistency.
Very difficult words.And even more difficult in action.
To do what needs to be done on an everyday basis. Day after day. Hour after hour. Minute by minute.Isn’t there an easier softer option?
Today is just one of those days. Not really wanting to work or think of money or the larger issues. Just wanting to be. I have a joint meeting tommorrow with the AAI officials and the real estate client. But that is tommorrow.
Why have I chosen to walk this path? Why am I putting my daughter through this? No idea. Just that these questions are racing through my mind today.
The bottomline (roti, kapda,makan) takes up so much time and energy that there is very little time and energy left for the toplines (beauty,music,emotional interactions,nature,travel). The toplines are visible only in the advertisements. If you buy this today, you will get a good feel (what they do not mention is that the good feeling will not last).
I used to love collecting the various handlooms from various parts of our country, specially the sarees. The ikat from Orissa,the Tangails from Bengal, the chanderis from M.P, in fact I had quite a good collection over a period of time. Just at some point when I was setting up the first company and needed money, I sold it all (to my mother of all people). Also, over the years I think I have unconsciously subdued my dressing to avoid any extra attention. As it is, it has been easy for all and sundry to blame me for using my charms. So I guess, I just kind of shifted gears. ‘Don’t look good’, is the silent message I have given to myself over a period of time to support the life I have chosen.
And Appu is following in my footsteps. Has no interest absolutely in looking good.
I guess, I will take it easy today. I will do what I can, not what I should today.
And let the universe go about its business without my interference or control.
The earth will still rotate and I will continue to breathe.
I have to remember that I am not really so important.
That I am just a part of the whole.
