And the presentation for the real estate guys has been postponed. And so has the Atlas. Since it can only be brought out in the next academic year, there is enough time for the publishers to take a decision. The only deadline which is beyond postponement is the clearance of the TOD (Temporary Overdraft) which we had taken from the bank to execute the yashi project and which is 2.5 lakh and needs to be deposited in the bank like yesterday.
So back to where we started, We have become a scalar quantity with no direction. We keep moving and working but since there is no actual displacement, as defined in physics, the work done is zero. And hence the money generated is zero.
We are working on making digital map products but that is like an investment for the future. Aaj ka to pata nahin. Our maps have always been appreciated ,but then is there a place where ‘appreciation’ could be encashed. I doubt it very much.
NATMO has work. They need to create hindi Atlases for two more states. But since I have already written against the ‘system’ which implies the ‘Director’ to DST (Department of Science and Technology), there are clear instructions that GC should not get work. So there is no point in even applying. We have already been deleted. How encouraging!
Appu has her exams from next week and the tension is building up. It is an ordeal for her to go to school and it feels almost criminal to send her against her wishes. Truly, learning should be much more than just going to school and obeying the teachers (who only have interest in marks and percentages). Follow the system. Generate powerlessness. Create losers.
My father wants that I should go to my brothers’ house on Rakhi. As if the brother-sister relationship needs to be acknowledged only on one particular day. Now we have these colorful, expensive rakhis and mithais and chocolates on display. When this relationship did have a meaning, only tying a thread was enough for a woman to get protection from any man she was tying it to, not just her brother. And it meant protection for a lifetime. As of today, it is a display of affection for one day. Anyway, my brother has never been available and I really see no reason to carry on this facade or faking a relationship for a day. But maybe somethings are just done, for the sake of doing them. If my father calls umpteen times (because my brother never does), maybe I will go to pacify him.
All of us need to meet our own demons (in our mind and the outside world) and fight our own battles in our own time.
Need to prepare a price matrix for our digital maps. Pricing is also stressful. Hopefully, I will start today. Ramesh was late in reaching the office today and I had to send ‘Amma’ and although she cleaned the office well, she made her presence felt in more ways than one.
This entire routine that I have created sometimes seems like a pack of cards which can crumble at any time. A separate camp so to say with a different set of rules for GC, for everyone associated with it, for Appu.
Ok, so we have to stop being scalars and get a direction.
Wake up and smell the coffee. The banks are knocking.
The woods are dark, lovely and deep,
But I have promises to keep (and loans to repay),
and miles to go (in search of work) before I sleep.
