I am going through an irritable phase right now. Even small things and events are irritating me. I am not wanting to deal with ‘Amma’, the other part time helps , their lies, manipulation and cunningness. Even if it is for their survival, It takes a lot of energy and I do not have it at the moment. Appus’ exams have begun and that is another ordeal. She takes all the stress on herself and does not bother me at all. Yet, I am not being able to be there for her.
Narendra is in Lucknow and is getting the soft copies of the maps to be rectified. This of course is the upteenth time that the maps are being rectified. And there are some maps for which the editing required is still not clear. More queries for training are coming in and that is a good development.
The bank, ah yes ‘The Bank’. It is breathing down our back. The TOD is long overdue and we have no solution for them, as yet. We are talking, of course we are talking to various ‘potential’ clients but talking is just that, talking. It is not ‘walking the talk’ or even ‘walking the walk’.
My brother called. That is quite an amazing development. I guess it would look good for him to have a sister tie a rakhi on rakshabandhan. Thats about it. So me and Appu have decided to go for a short time. Follow the ritual and get back. asap. And not get into potentially dangerous areas like, work, money, relationships. Fake it to make it. And get out. I remember my mother doing a lot of ‘puja’ to have a ‘son’. And the ‘son’ has done her extremely proud by making tons of money at a young age. And by still being attached to her and not cutting the umbilical cord. ‘Aur ek maa ko kya chhahiye’?
My shampoo got over and I washed my hair with ezee (which is actually meant to wash woollens). Earlier I did it because of a stringent budget. Now it is just an option when none of us ( me or appu)is willing to shop for the basics. Not that we have too much of excess money now.The net result is that I have a lot of white hair. And I guess they look nice. Maybe they also indicate that I should just retire. Its about time. But the ‘loans’ sweetheart. The ‘loans’ have to be re-paid.
‘Looking Good’ is very important. Just like a family cleans and decorates the drawing room and puts on a happy smile for guests just to ‘look good’. The insides may be in pain and all the clutter may have been moved to the bedrooms or the toilets but the drawing room will look good. And the family will appear ‘Oh so much in love and so much together’. That is what we are doing as a country. Spending crores to look good for the visitors. At the cost of everything else. But what after the party is over guys? The reality will still be real and ‘not so good’.
My mind is in a turmoil today and probably I am not making any sense. The pricing matrix has still to be completed.
Another of those unproductive days.
Just being human.
