In office. Tommorrow (rather today) whatever happens, this moment is mine. And I can live it. In peace. Knowing I did my best. Despite the pool of egos ( mostly male) floating around, despite the chaos, despite the abandonment.

The DGPS survey for the GCP’s in Mumbai has been completed. Sigh of relief. Now the actual work can begin. Lot of work actually. And all on the shoulders of Chandrakant. Best of luck Chandrakant. This is your acid test. For yourself and for GC. I am sure you will not buckle under pressure. Chandan is creating Delhi city maps with various themes using permutations and combinations of all the digital layers created . He is enjoying his work and that is very important. To be able to do work that you can enjoy. Rahul is making small positive changes in the online shop everyday ( of course my mind keeps asking, when will the money come? ). But He is doing a fabulous job. Keep rocking ( I have learnt how to use the word ’rock’ from Bebu) Rahul.

My Input/Output ratio has truly gone down. That means I am not really working. fake it to make it. I am faking work. Kaam kar lo. The 30th is very close and the TOD from the bank is going to expire. Wake up and smell the coffee man. And the bankers are going to visit the office tomorrow. And then they will ask for the stock. But where the hell is the stock, they will ask? On the server. That does not make sense at all. Where is the physical stock? And this IP stuff, how can this be evaluated? In the head.

I guess I should just pack up now.

A client is vacationing in Europe so cannot speak with  him about the payment. A vacation. sounds very good.

And very far off.

Far off.

The DGPS survey of the GCP’s for the rectification of the satellite imagery begins tommorrow in Mumbai. The work for at least two sites needs to be finalized by next week. So there is a lot of pressure on Chandrakant. Chandan has cartographed the Delhi maps very beautifully and hopefully they will be uploaded on the online shop this week. Good work Chandan. Rahul has made drastic changes in the interface of the shop and it is now looking and feeling like an e-commerce site. well done Rahul. Keep it up.

AAI is behaving very strangely. No one is willing to talk. No one is open to sharing anything. Its all hush hush. What is there to hide? What is the fear? I mean what is technically correct will remain correct. And what is technically not possible cannot be allowed. To problem kya hai? God knows.

Appu’s exams are over. That is a big relief. I wanted to drop her for her last exam but then I had a meeting fixed up and She went alone. It bothers me that I am not there when she needs me. Now ’sleeping’ is the most important activity on her agenda.

Another day. Another 24 hours.

Another moment in time.

Let us run the drill. atta hai. gas, vegetables, fruits, cleaning of the fridge, watering the plants. Appu has her dance class today. A presentation has been scheduled for the coming week on the use of various technologies of GIS, Remote Sensing and Photogrammetry for aerodrome planning and management. Tough one. We have been singing this song for a long time now. Now we have a chance to sing in front of the decision makers. And we are scared. How can we encapsulate such large technologies in a matter of a few minutes and in a few slides? And will it make any impact? OK. we just need to do our best. Suit up, Boot up and show up. Whatwever happens, we have to show up. Not quit.

I had kept my hair short to save on water, time, energy, shampoo. Now I am trying to grow them. To match my age. But it is very irritating. Right now they are neither short, nor long. Just like our life on the professional front. Neither here, nor there. Looking for an accountant, guard and admin guy. I think we should place these recruitment advertisements on our cars. Just like the radio taxis. Will save us time and money.

Appu says I am a cleanliness freak. Probably I also have many other obsessive complulsive behaviours. So it is difficult to be around me for a long time. Maybe I should wear a protective covering so that the harmful rays emanating from me do not harm others. Quite a thought.

The house, the office, work, Appu and HP.

The circumference of my life.

Appu is having her exams and I am just not being able to be a part of it. I am in my own world. The continuous crisis situations at GC have taken their toll. This too shall pass. This too shall pass. Slowly but surely.

Still waiting for the satellite image to arrive from NRSC, Hyderabad. It has been three months. Three months since we deposited the entire amount as advance payment for the procurement of the 1m resolution satellite image for an area in Mumbai. But they are a government body so I guess they can get away with murder. They are not answerable. They do not work for profits you see. They work for the loss of the entire nation, But we are the private guys. We are the lean and mean ones. We have to work for profits (else the banks will sell us out) and because we have to create profits, we are the bad guys. The villains of the movie. Sometimes I think that the villain is more important than the hero. The hero is the hero because the villain exists. The existence of the villain makes the existence of the hero possible and not vice versa.

A new Grievance Redressal Cell has been formed at AAI. Good news. But when are you getting into action guys? We are planning to re-submit the proposal for a site in Mumbai for shielding benefit based on height extraction using photogrammetry. Baki is Ram Bharose. We will not get a chance to make a presentation anymore but nevertheless, even if we are able to submit the papers, it will be an achievement.

Rahul is the new guy on the block making sweeping changes in the online shop. He is familiar with the online jargon of ‘traffic, search engine optimization’ and stuff like that. So we are trying to play the game according to its rules. “When in Rome, do as the Romans do’.

Kuch nahin hai par sab kuch hai.

Sab kuch hai par kuch nahin hai.

Kuch nahin hai.

Took a boat ride to the Ghats in the night (that is the only time we got). And the most memorable ghat was the ‘ Harishchandra Ghat’ where at least three funeral pyres were burning by the side of the river Ganga. The air was blowing, the water was flowing silently in the darkness and there was this crackling sound of the fire and the wood with the human body within it. In the background was this chorus of ‘hara rama, hare krishna’ being sung in a nearby temple by a ‘Math’. I am sure this sight will stay with us for times to come. ‘The end’ so to say. As we were returning, we encountered a lone singer singing all alone by the ghats in a soulful voice. He was singing because he loved singing. No other agenda. And it was a beautiful voice. I wish more and more of us could do something just because we love doing it.

It is that time of the month.Rents, salaries, bills (back to your old tune, Aha). We will deal with it, one day at a time ( as if you have other choices). It will work out. I mean it has always worked out till now. There is no reason why it should not work out now. Faith. Keep the faith.

Money vs respect. Inversely proportional ratio. Most of the time. The more respect ( or call it values) we are willing to give up on, the more money we can make and vice versa. Very strange. Tough choices.

We are still trying to take off from the runway (Others have already landed and here we are, still struggling).

At least we are trying We are in ‘IP’.

‘In process’ so to say.

We have been invited for conducting campus interviews by BHU (Benaras Hindu University). No, I do not think that it is by fluke ( Really?)or that it is a mistake (OK). I am sure that they have done their homework and they are interested in placing their students with us. Or maybe it is just to provide placement opprtunities to their students. Whatever it is, we are going and hoping that we can build a good team soon.

Ashok is back. Chandan is back. And maybe this is all we have earned. That some of the people who leave are willing and keen to come back. This re-earning of people is our hidden turnover. We are glad. Welcome back guys and let us get going. The reasons for their leaving and coming back do not really matter anymore. What matters is that they are back in the team and willing to win the match (hopefully).

I am learning how to understand the balance sheet. You should have learnt this long ago buddy. Still not making too much sense. But the numbers tell a story and I need to understand what that story is.

Everything is a story. Kya kya samjhoge.

The story within the story. Or the story of the story.

The story.

What is the true wealth of a nation? Of a family. Of a company. It is people. Not the gross income. Not the export-import figures. And our leaders buy people (votes) with a bottle of english wine and a few clothes. And we fight amongst ourselves. There just never seems to be enough for all. And so we become petty, small minded. If only our leaders could invest in people in place of treating them like passports to power.If we could just believe that there is enough for all of us in the universe. That there is no need to really fight for power, for money, for property, for parking space, it would be a different earth.

The interface of the online shop has been given a makeover. There are some changes to the blog also. OK. We are trying to get in the league. Get a footing in the world of e-commerce. Keep going. Stay the course. It will happen. When? In the newtonian time frame. Leave it to HP. What about the time and money invested? Over to HP again.

The week is getting over. What is new about it? I mean the end of the month is very near. Now what is different about this?  I mean the first week of the next month means a lot of bills. bills. Oh God. Not again. The bank wanted us to submit a stock statement. We did it based on book value. It was an amazing amount. The person handling our account and who thinks we are quite worthless was shocked ( usko laga itni aukat kaise ho gayi hamari!). Immediately he asked us to submit the stock statement based on the depreciated value. Theek hai. How does it matter to us. The perceived vs the real. There is always a huge difference between the two and we have no problem in looking at the real picture at all.

Kaam hai. We are employed. All of us at GC. Cool.

For now.

And maybe now is all that matters.

Tear by tear.

Kya karen? We were not taught that just education is not enough. Having a piece of land, belonging to a higher caste and having some political connections were more important. We lived in a fools’ paradise. We thought we could break out of the middle class survival mode just by getting a good education and good grades. Bullshit. Horseshit. Whatever. The gap between academic success and real success is increasing day by day. In fact if a statistical analysis could be done, it would appear that there is an inversely proportional ratio between the two. The more academically educated people are the least successful in real life. And the school dropouts become millionaires. So where will the motivation to study come from? Sachhai dekh lo yaar.

There is a silver lining to the cloud. There is hope of getting some work. Aha. hope against hopes. good for us. Otherwise the bankers will begin breathing down our backs. And the landlords. The water bill payment got delayed by a day due to the banks being closed and the office landlord was ready to throw our ‘samaan’ out on the streets. Chakkar kya hai? Every landord is very keen to throw our ‘samaan’ on the streets. zyada to hai bhi  nahin. It must be giving them some kind of entertainment value. To show their sense of power. Just because they own a piece of land. Even when they have not earned it and have just inherited it from their fathers or forefathers.

Met some senior officials in AAI to prove our point for a site in Mumbai on the basis of technology. It may be futile but we are trying. Trying is all we can do. You have been trying for a decade buddy. Ok. We know. Just shut up.

We have stopped the pantry in the office for now. Its a lot of effort and its eating into our working time. So no food in the office from today. A huge change.

Bills, Bills and more bills.

Keep running to meet the bills.

Just keep running.

Voting for the MCD elections today. Till late last night, daaru was being distributed to various local heads of colonies, caste groups, muslim heads. votes in exchange of alcohol. What a deal. cheap and shameful. Yes, we are poor. if we can be bought for a bottle of alcohol, for false promises, for a piece of land, we are very very poor. It means that the universities, schools and parents of today are not doing their jobs. We have failed to be role models for the next generation.

Have not gone for my walk today. Have been sleeping for less than four hours on a daily basis for the past few weeks. Plan to just sleep for a while today. If it comes that is. The head is constantly buzzing with the tasks left undone, the bills still unpaid. We need projects. Same ringtone yaar. Please change it. OK. we need money. Again the same ‘rona’. change this too. OK. we need a ‘team’. Not again. We cannot think of anything else. Just leave us in peace.

‘peace’. Kya baat hai. In these times? In this age? Try an ‘art of living’ course. We need money for doing that. paise chhahiyen. time bhi chhahiye. Aur ‘living’ hi nahi ho rahi to ‘art’ kaise aayega?

Its pointless talking to you. Of course it is.

That is the point my dear.

‘Everything is pointless’

But facing reality would mean doing a surgery which would be very painful. So take a short cut. Put a band aid on the cancer inside and hope to gather some votes before the cancer is too visible to all. And make convincing false promises. Shout that we will take away the ‘woes’ of the nation’. If it is the truth, why are we shouting from the rooftops bhaiyya? Truth is very soft, very clear, very visible. Aur kaam itna hai desh theek karne ka to ghar ghar jaane ka, pamphlet chhapwane ka time kaise mil raha hai? If we really work, then there is no time to even breathe. Where will we get the time to advertise ourselves? Maybe that is why the real workers, the true leaders stay away from politics. Just like production and marketing are two different realms, real work and collecting votes are entirely diferent scenarios. Politics is about ‘collecting votes’. In the meanest possible way. Distribute alcohol, false hopes, empty promises, manipulate the basest of emotions of the masses, talk of a casteless society all the time fervently hoping that we capture the various caste based vote banks. It would have been hilarious if it was not so pathetic.

We cannot be a rich nation if our thinking is poor. if we contiuously look for excuses to do low quality jobs. If we continue to dis-respect time. Continue to use our right to freedom only for producing kids. Continue to live the fake life that we have been living over the past few decades.

We can be poor but there is absolutely no reason to continue being poor. As a nation we are still slaves looking for our lords to rule over us, looking for security, comfort, some reason to not have to earn what we deserve.

Mr. Faizi who is from Afghanistan and is training with us lost his cousin yesterday. A gun was pointed to his head and he was shot. Just like that. By the Talibans. For no mistake. Earlier all this violence was happening in some part of the world. And we felt safe. Now with Mr. Faizi with us, it is too close, too disturbing. According to him, the cheapest thing in Afghanistan is ‘killing’. And the most lucrative business is ‘dealing in bombs’. Even the children are used to bombs exploding anytime,anywhere. What a world? What the hell are we doing? In fact the poor kids wait for the explosion to subside, in case they survive and pick up parts of the exploded bomb which can be re-sold. And all this has been going on in Afghanistan for more than 30 years. Kya bachega? And yet Mr. Faizi is here to learn, to educate himself. Hope against hopes. Hats off to him. We have everything and yet we just keep cribbing and whining.

The US wants a military base in Afghanistan. The Taliban wants a strict muslim regime to be followed. Everyone wants something for themselves. The people of Afghnaistan could go to hell. And we keep celebrating. Kya humanity hai. We are worse than animals. just very well dressed in branded clothes and SUV’s.

Office chal raha hai. Its easy to follow a routine and hide behind it. dekh lo yaar. Koshish to kar hi rahein hain. But the more we experience life and the more we understand, the more painful it gets. We are just beginning to understand why ‘sanyaas’, is the last defined stage in our scriptures. After experiencing the futility of everything, after seeing all the shit around, we are bound to turn to the spiritual realm for solace.

Sounds very appealing.

‘Sanyaas’.