It is quite a job. To be a woman. To be constantly aware of the fact that at any moment, anyone can trespass our boundaries. Emotional or Physical. It is quite a scary thought and to constantly live with it can be very tiring and exhausting. Just behind the thin veneer of liberty, equality and freedom for women is this stark, brutal reality of being inferior to men. The moment we step out of the defined boundaries , there is hell to pay. In the family, in the society, in our professional lives and in the world at large. I guess that is why we are struggling with the bank so much. I am a woman and I have no land. There cannot be a worse combination. Add to it the lack of a ‘man’ behind me. pathetic. It is very difficult for the bankers to trust me with large amounts of money. Even though we have been paying the installments consistently. Even though our performance has been consistent, if not mind blowing or path breaking.
I do not know what the Higher Power has in mind for me. The HP’s intentions are not very clear to me as of now. To give in or to stand up. I was recently able to attend an NA meeting and a member shared how his daughters had no toilet to go to. How they did not dare to venture out in the night for relieving themselves as they could be molested or raped in the fields. So they have to wait the entire night until dawn breaks for going to the fields. One of his daughters is now living with us and I have no idea how we could make her life better and if at all such a possibility exists. This is the development of our country if you may please. This is the reality behind the malls, the glitz and glamour of high technology gizmos. sachhai dekh lo yaar. Before it is too late. Maybe it already is too late.
We need to invest in the technology of ‘Photogrammetry’. So we are looking at the universe to open up sources for the funds and energy required. The stereo satellite images ordered for a specific project have not yet arrived. We are a unique country. Everything takes time. Even time takes time.
We continue to look for leaders. As I mentioned earlier, we are constantly in recruitment mode now. There is nothing much to say. There is fear. Constantly lurking behind as a backdrop in the mind and heart. Need large doses of faith here.
Choose between faith and money. Well?
I mean what about both. Or is there a guarantee that faith could lead to money and vice versa?
Just go to hell. But we are already in hell. I mean we are on this earth which is like hell.
‘This Earth’.
Schedule, Planning, Numbers, Events, rate of hits, rate of success, money made and lost. All boils down to one word, one event. ‘Survival’. Of the fittest maybe. The rest is a story. To cover the brutality of all that is ‘real’. Just to make it ‘surreal’.
