Tag: abuse

Is anyone listening?

Raghunath Thakur has resigned. The humiliation and harassment was too much for him and his father. An IT professional, he was pushed on the stairs by the SHO as if he was some roadside criminal and taken away by force without any cognizable offence committed by him. It is heartrending to watch him being pushed around in the CCTV footage on the stairs while being taken away ,for no crime committed except perhaps that of joining our company. He is just 24 years old.

Aparajita, a professional dancer par excellence was pushed around by three constables. Her mobile was snatched away. It was painful to see her being assaulted and thrown out of the SHO’s room. Her crime: She was asking the SHO the reason for detaining and arresting three of our team members. She is just 21 years old.

All the other team members were forced to sit and see the drama without retaliating or recording what was going on. They were threatened with lathis and verbal abuse to not move and to not react.

These are innocent young bright people. Is this the way they are supposed to be treated by the uniformed force? It is a shame to even call them uniformed.

We were all raped on the night of August 11, 2014. And not only us, all our families were affected too. After all they just wanted decent lives for their kids. Not harassment in a police station for no crime committed.

We want to know why?


Is the SHO the Lord of the jungle? To do as he pleases? To wipe out lives, careers, reputation. dreams, hopes according to his whims and fancies?

Mr. Solanki: Can you create one job, one career for any one life?

Then what right do you have to snuff out so many lives, destroy so many careers, so many dreams? What right do you have to treat educated professionals like petty roadside criminals and push and shove them as per you will. You also held many of them by the neck and their collars? How dare you? How dare you?

We need protection from the police. They are the biggest legalized gundas in our country.

We need protection from the SHO, the constables, the ‘lal batti ki gadi’ ‘the khaki uniform’. They are all symbols of uncontrolled power and its abuse.

Is anyone listening?


Laws for just being human?

It is Raghunath Thakurs’ birthday today. But he has switched off his mobile phone and has locked himself up in his room since the police detained him and harassed him on the night of August 11, 2014. He has not eaten since , and he is not talking to anybody including his father. He is a very bright boy and this incident has scarred him for ever. It has been a mental and physical rape for all of us that day.

I am sure the SHO, Mr. Naresh Solanki and his team of constables have had their bit of entertainment and show of power against powerless educated citizens of this country.  It must be a great high to barge into the office of anybody with 18-20 policemen, pick up anyone you fancy, detain them for however long it pleases you, use abusive language against them, and get constables to physically throw out whoever questions you from your office and the police station. Is the police station your ‘adda’ or a place where citizens can approach you for support? Is it your private mafia office Mr. Solanki? Who has given you the right to pick up citizens for no rhyme or reason? Who has given you the right to physically throw away citizens who ask ‘why’, who ask ‘questions’? Who give you the right to hold educated innocent boys by their collars and push them like petty criminals? Who gives you the right to use your constables to push, shove and physically violate our boundaries to throw us out of your office just because we are asking justified questions? To snatch our mobiles, to delete what we have recorded? To treat us basically like shit?

Mr. SHO, have you proved your point? That the ‘thana’ is your fiefdom, your kingdom? That you will do as you please and everyone from the gateman to the constable will support you, right or wrong? You guys are dangerous. You kill without killing. You know the laws. You know how to harass without getting harassed in the bargain. We had no idea that we were up against you. We thought we were just fighting poverty, unemployment, dignity for women but no, this is far more worse. You are a disease. You are the real terrorists. And you are all a huge mafia using and abusing your power to generate money, fear.

Well you have snuffed out lives on the night of August 11, 2014. And we hope to God that you pay for it. With your job, with your life, with the destruction of everything that gives you that smugness to make fun of hapless citizens and use force against them for the only crime they can commit: ‘Asking for their rights, asking for information as to why they have been arrested or detained’?

Mr SHO, apko paise chhaiyen? how much money do you need to allow us to live in peace? in dignity? Open offer. Tell us. we will pay. Its easier to pay then allow my daughter and team members to face shit just because they believed in me, in our company, in the future we could create together. Your constable was ready to settle for Rs. 4000=00 with Raghunath Thakur.  What is your level? tell us Mr Solanki? You guys take money from the beggars, from the prostitutes, from the small and the big. Toh bolo na. Boli lagao. We will work harder and earn more to pay you. You are worse than the British. You are the uniformed citizens of this country. Yes we will pay you and we wish to spit on your faces because you are violating the hope, the faith of the younger generation. The very generation which needs to take this country forward.

We will not pay our taxes. we will pay you, you morons. How will you feel if a uniformed man video graphs your daughter and makes fun of her in public and then gets her thrown out physically  because she is asking the right questions?

Bahut drama ho gaya. No, this country is not free. No, it is not even human. It is worse than a jungle. No citizen is safe. Nobody is safe. Maybe if you have M&M, Money and Muscle power, it might help. Certainly education cannot. That we have experienced. Unless you also become spineless and lick everyone’s feet despite no wrong done.

Kya kaam Karen? Are their any laws to force those in power to be human first before being anything else?

Laws for just being human?


‘Not again and again and yet again’

The SHO of the Okhla Police Station, Phase-I has been targeting us for quite some time now by framing false charges against us on various occasions, detaining me and my team members in the thana for no cognizable offence, by accusing us of acts not even committed by us.

Last night was one such harrowing night. I felt that we were raped and stripped of our self-respect and dignity.

  1. Two constables  were sent to the office on the pretext of a 100 call by an ex-employee.
  2. They began interrogating us and accusing us of various actions/inactions not committed/omitted by us.
  3. Following his routine of everyday, our security guard locked the front gate and sat near it. When the two constables objected, he immediately opened the lock as well as the gates. But by then they had called the entire police station with the SHO claiming that we were trying to hold them captive and were locking them in. The guard explained that he was just doing his routine job and that he had no instruction and/or intention to lock them in. But I guess they had got another chance to show their might and power to us and another opportunity to abuse us at will.
  4. 8 PCR vans swooped down on us with at least 25-30 policemen. It felt as if we had committed a murder or rape. In reality it was a preparation to rape us.
  5. The guard was arrested, two of our team members were picked up and taken to the police station without informing them of the crime they had committed.
  6. When I ,my daughter and one of our colleagues, Mousmi went to the police station to speak with the SHO in his office, he and his colleagues made fun of me, shouted at me, abused me and kept asking me to get out of his room. Finally, I sat down on the floor of his office and told him that I would not move till he heard what we had to say and explained why he picked up our people without even hearing our side of the story. He asked one of his colleagues to keep recording a video from the mobile of all of us and this policeman kept passing sniggering comments at me ,my daughter, and a female team member Mousmi, kept making fun of us, kept making our video from head to toe, all the while belittling us. It was a very humiliating experience.
  7. Three women constables were called and they snatched our mobile phones manhandled us, pulled and pushed us out of the door of the SHO’s office. I wonder whether the women constables are for the protection of women or for keeping us out of the SHO’s room by using force and violence. We were trying to record their misbehavior but our mobile phones were snatched away. All the recordings and data was deleted from the phones before they gave them back to us after throwing us out of the SHO’s room.
  8. After that, we kept waiting for four hours in the police station but no statement was recorded and we were not told why our team members were being detained. WE had to call a lawyer in the middle of the night who then negotiated a release for the guard and our team members on bail. No copy of the FIR has been given to us.

We came back tired, defeated, broken in spirit and in body to our office. Many of our team members including Mousmi were crying and their parents were worried beyond consolation. In all probability they will not work for us anymore. If they see the head of the organization, which is myself being manhandled and pushed around by the police, what confidence can they have in the future growth opportunities of the company and its leadership.

This has happened so many times and every time the SHO and his colleagues have gotten away with no consequences, no punishment for the wrongs committed. I am even tired of writing this again and again. It is the same story. They come. Show all their might and glory of the ‘sarkari uniform’, punish those who do not become servants in front of them, accuse and release according to their whims and fancies. Time and again they have framed false charges against me and my team. They put words in the mouth of false complainants to create cognizable offences under certain sections of the law which we as common citizens are unaware of. They come, rape and walk away.

My daughter is just 21, Mousmi is just 24 and both have been already scarred beyond doubt. They saw me, an engineer and an entrepreneur being pushed and pulled and being treated like a common criminal. I could not protect them, myself or my team from the atrocities of your police force. My education has been of no use in this country. This country needs more bullies like your police to run the show, not educated people like us. And maybe my fault is that I am a woman and the policemen are men with huge egos. They just find it easier to settle their ego scores with me and my teammates.

Shame on the police force, shame on this country, shame on all the policemen who harassed us, shamed us, made fun of our helplessness last night at the behest of the SHO, Okhla Police Station, Phase-I. The show of their brutality was a heady cocktail for them, an entertainment of a hindi bollywood masala film beyond compare, at our cost.

We the women technocrats and the entrepreneurs, stand naked and powerless.

Hats off to you guys.




The outside seems OK. We are performing everyday. The office is being cleaned. The projects are being executed with as much precision as possible. And yet the insides are all messed up. The abandonement issues are cropping up churning my insides and crippling me emotionally. Is there any assigned place and time for grieving one’s emotional losses? Dard ko mehsoos karne ke liye koi jagah ya waqt ho sakta hai? Jeevan ki raftaar itni tez ho gayee hai ki apne aap se milne ka bhi waqt nahin hai. My parents left me emotionally, physically and spiritually to fend for myself. I was not the daughter they wanted me to be. Appu’s father, my ex-husband left me as I was not the wife he wanted me to be. Because I could not tolerate the drinking and the constant financial crises that were a part of the effect of alcoholism in our house. My ex in-laws never bothered to find out whether I was alive or dead. And now Appu feels that I have not been the mother she would have liked me to be, as I have been so focussed on GC, work and being self supporting financially. So I guess I have lost personally on all fronts. That makes me a loser I guess.

That’s my truth. Ugly or beautiful. Take it or leave it. And that is why everything is so mixed up for me. Love, dis-respect, abuse, abandonment. All seem to be part of a package deal. Cannot seem to distinguish one from the other.

‘Elections’: The biggest business of our times. It is a shame, what our so called ‘leaders’ have stooped to? There are no leaders today. Leaders were people like ‘Bhagat Singh’ who were ready to lay down their lives for their beliefs, their values, for the re-structuring of the country. Abhi kahaan hain woh breed? It is no more. Culture, respect, ethics, all are slaughtered publicly to win the game. For what is it but a game? With loud music, drama, noise, jokers,villains. Real change happens silently. True leadership does not need trumpets to announce its leadership.

The malls, the cars, the money is increasing along with the poverty of the mind and soul. Soon the bankruptcy will be so great that in place of ID cards, we will be carrying our bank statements to prove our existence.

Where the hell are we going guys?

Is there no way to stop this juggernaut which is moving towrads self-destruction?

Or we have yet to hit our rock bottom?

Questions. And more questions.

At least let us keep questioning.






Thank you God.


Have been working nights. Continuously. There is a certain tiredness. Of the mind, body and soul. Part of the package deal I guess. The good and the bad. The beautiful and the ugly.

Appu has wished me Mother’s Day in the most innovative manner. As I went to brush my teeth in the morning, there were these lovely colored alphabets strung together in a wave over the mirror wishing me ‘Happy Mother’s Day’.  And there was this little cartoon with her and me on the left side of the mirror. It felt beautiful. This is true wealth. Real abundance. To be loved and respected by your child. Thanks bebzer. You made my day.

There is work. Which is huge. I mean we are not begging. We are not even marketing our sevices anymore. Yet we can safely assume that we are employed, at least for some time now (!!).  Wow. I mean we are employed employed. Not unemployed employed. You know what I mean.

We are still looking. For good team players. Difficult to find winners.

We are OK. Better than before. Barring the bills to be paid, a court case, interviews, looking for a new office space( as our lease is running out), the rest is OK. My father visited me recently (of course behind my mothers’ back). He suggested that I should get less angry. That I should practice acceptance. Valid point. He has forgotten the umpteen times that he got violent with me, my sister and mother. And his emotional absence in our lives. He was always there but never really there. These are the paradoxes with which me and my sister have grown up. And so it not news that my sister was beaten up by her husband a few days ago. Not just a slap. Violence which continued for an hour or more. And the roots are in our violent and abusive childhoods. How could we ever become confident or successful or happy as adults? But which court can punish this kind of crime? This emotional crime is the genesis of all kinds of other crimes, the mother of all crimes so to say. But there is no acknowledgement of them. Family hai. sacrosanct hai. No one wants to talk about it. kids get molested. Girls get raped within the family. Chup raho. Don’t talk about it. Push it under the carpet. Appear like a good family. But somewhere, some generation has to bear the consequences, the high cost of being silent, of the unspoken, of the abuse.

I ma grateful to the Higher Power for our life today. Me and Appu. We have a roof. We have food to eat and clotes to wear. We have work to do which is challenging and that we are proud of doing. More importantly, there is no viloence, emotional or physical. What more can we ask for.

Thank you God.

‘Keval Prashn’

Hooliganism. Goonism. An effort by incompetent people to prove their worth. To fight unlawfully for what is not theirs lawfully. And to descend into the bottomless pit of violence, abduction and abuse at the slightest hint of being exposed,at the mere thought of their unworthiness, emptiness and fakeness being known. This is the so called educated lot we are talking about. The uneducated wield their ignorance and poverty as a weapon to get what they want, when they want it.

Kya desh hai hamara? We cannot respect work. We can respect caste, poverty, worthlessness. But we cannot expect or respect excellence in ourselves or others. We believe in labor act, in donations, in subsidy, in reservations. But we cannot inspire people to become worthy enough to stand on their own two feet. To earn what they deserve and not demand for what has not been earned. Poverty cannot, should not be treated as a halo of divine light. And neither is it a curse. Its ok to be poor. we should support people in changing that state but not by making concessions or giving them what is not due. But by making them worthy to be able to earn. To be able to value self-respect. Tall order for our country. The politicians are but a reflection of our masses.

Needless to say it was a bad day at the office yesterday. Threats, abuses, a grand show of impotence by incompetent guards, terminated employees who could not sustain two days of working in our office and the office peon who got so scared that he just locked the office and ran away. These are the men of our country. These are the men who can produce kids but cannot stand up and fight for what is right. They can marry, have sex, flirt but do not have the backbone to stand up and protect themselves and others. Izzat jaye to jaye, jaan to bacha lo. Needless to say that I had to rush to the office, re-open it, file police complaints and go through the same drill. Time and again.

It is tiring to deal with spineless people. Incompetent people. Scared people.

And what would ‘success’  in such an ‘impotent’ society mean?

Questions. Only questions.

‘Keval Prashn’

All for ‘a back’

In all these decades of my life on earth, I have not been able to understand the right path, the correct path, the correct mission. I have tried. But trying is just that, trying. Succeeding is everything. Money,power,name,fame drives everything. Even ‘sex’ is secondary. And in all this chaos, I guess the biggest drawback is that of being a woman (of having a larger emotional part that is). So either you choose to be in the shadow of a man (any man) or if you go out there and try to stand on your own feet and God forbid, manage to ruffle the ego and/or the success path of any man, you could end up paying with your life. So the easier, softer option would be to play it meek. To be in the shadow. At least one’s life is safe.

And the woman who goes out there to stand on her own with dignity is left alone, even by her own family of origin. And the rest of the women and men in the so called social network, label her ambitious, of loose character and what have you. Amazing. Awesome. And of course the vulnerabilty to abuse increases. The woman who ventures to compete is more open to abuse than other women, be it sexual, emotional or financial.

A lot of work is pending in the house and office. Am just gearing up mentally to tackle the most important ones. Had to ask the maid to leave after she took uninformed leave. Drawing boundaries is always tough. There are always consequences to pay. But then there is no other way to live. Living withour self respect would be worse.

Having ‘a back’ is so important I guess. Sons always have it. Their fathers, the property of the family, the social importance, its all there. Its the women who lack ‘a back’. Specially if the men responsible to be ‘their back’ refuse, are unwilling or incapable of doing it. The real culprits in my opinion are the parents. If parents do not want a girl, they should go in for ‘female foeticide’. Kar lo yaar. At least another life will not be abused. Kill the origin. The damage is much greater when its too late in the day and the same life is gasping for support and dignity. We can save a ‘female foetus’ but can we ensure a ‘ safe life with dignity’? We always end up only looking at the tip of the iceberg. Hence all the problems remain. They not only remain, they multiply. So what is to be done. Make more laws, more courts, more judges, more chaos. With no change in ‘attitude’ or ‘thoughts’ or ‘beingness’. No wonder that nothing really changes.

Its one of those days. I am angry.

All for ‘a back’.

For all that is and all that is not

Have a meeting scheduled in Gurgaon today. There is always a lurking fear in face to face meetings with clients, specially the real estate guys. OK. Deep breath. suit up, boot up and show up. I could definitely hold the chair or the table in front of me and say the serenity prayer and get some strength.

We had to get an intercom installed in the office as everyone could hear the others’ conversation on parallel lines and it was getting impossible to talk to a specific person. Shikha, our HR manager is settling down and Ashok is still looking for better logistics for his long travel to and from the office.

The other day I was in the house when the daugther in law of our neighbour ran out of the house screaming and crying. She was asking for help and from her shouting it was evident that her mother-in-law had been beating her up. Everyone just looked on saying that it was the normal routine in that house. I, however called the cops and even gave a written complaint. But it was when the cops came that the woman backed out and said that she would sort it out in-house. That I should also not give a written complaint. It is just very sad. Actually when people who are supposed to love you and protect you, abuse you, it is a no win situation. There is nowhere to go. So one stays on hoping. always hoping. That it might just get better. But it never does. The abuse never gets better. It only gets worse with time. I know. I have lived through it. Its a vicious cycle. It has taken my entire life to be able to be in a safe place.

Shakuntala is not yet back from her ‘chutti’. So will need to send Lata from the house to cook lunch in the office. This lack of committment always bothers me. The rituals,functions everything before work. Then we should not complain about un-employment or lack of money. To win one needs a ‘winning team’ with a ‘winning attitude’. And the biggest challenge is to be able to create one. I don’t know if I am being able to do it either.

An attitude of winning.
An attitude of gratitude.

For all that is. And for all that is not.


I like the familiar sounds in the house. The whistle of the cooker, the pottering of the untensils,the filling of the water. It somehow symbolizes some stability, familiarity in an otherwise insecure world.

As an enterpreneur, I have no idea what stability or a steady income would mean. As a single mother living in a rented apartment, there is no saying when I would need to vacate the premises.

Regardless, we are in the process of building a clean, good life for myself and my daughter. clean from clutter, clean from abuse. A life based on self respect and dignity. A real life. where there is nothing fake. And what a price we are having to pay- emotional, financial,social.

I am getting old. No getting away from that. I guess I am a little tired too. It takes a lot of energy to deal with the fakeness around, the false ego of most men on a day to day basis, the pettiness, the hankering after money, possessions.

I would like to live a part of my life not dealing with this on a day to day basis.
Till then it is a number crunching game. The turnover, the loan, the proving that we can do a good job, the competing, the price cutting, the payments and all the unnecessary noise that comes along with creating a living.



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