Aparna's blog » addiction

Let ‘time’ take ‘time’

Aparna.Burjwal — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 07:57:43 +0000

An overwhelming response to our need for a team. We have had people applying from various parts of the country and at various stages of their career. To each one of them, I would like to say ‘thank you’. Regardless of whether we could forge a relationship or not. Thank you very much for applying. For showing interest in GC. And to all the Gen-X out there I would like to say, ‘forget about the package’, ‘the deal’. We cannot make a deal of our life. If we can just let go and work and learn, there is no way that the benefits will not grow. But to restrain ourself in a ‘package’, to put a ‘ price tag’ on ourself is the greatest damage we can cause to ourselves. We can sell our ‘services’ but not ‘ourselves’. And when we become a part of a team, we are offering ‘ourselves’ and we have to believe that what we deserve will come to us. In its own way and time. But that requires ‘faith’. And its easier to buy ‘gadgets’, ‘accessories’ than to have ‘faith’.

Yes, it is difficult now to be a part of GC. Over the years, we have become very selective. We want the best. The very best. We want different people. Men and Women with a purpose, with a mission, with a commitment for their lives. We do not want the crowds. All we need is a small team with each member like a laser beam in terms of knowledge and performance. Each one with more than 100 percent output. Each one willing to be forged through fire.
Maybe we will have only one member. Does not matter. Even one can scale the mountains for us. We still want the best.

The hardware in the office needs attention. So do a lot of other things. As always. Nothing new here. The review committee of AAI has still not been finalized, as far as we know. But then we are not liasioning agents and we do not always have the ‘inside information’. A few of our clients are waiting and we do not know what to tell them or what next steps to take. A lot of darkness here.

Omprakash (the admin guy) has been asked to leave. He fell so much in love with
the power of the chair’ that he forgot to plant his feet firmly on the ground. Just wanted the ‘Bossgiri’ without the hardwork to support it. A common problem everywhere. We did not want the virus to spread. ‘Power’ is a very powerful drug. The most lethal one too. ‘Cocaine’ would be nothing before the ‘addiction to power’.

Have no idea how to market the maps on the shop. ‘paise nahin hain’. I mean for aggressive marketing. We have to let ‘time’ take ‘time’. Things will happen at the right time, when they are meant to.

Let ‘time’ take ‘time’.

Asking God

Aparna.Burjwal — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 08:17:35 +0000

So what’s new? We have been able to catch some rats, the online shop has been re-structured and the Mumbai ward maps have been added to it. We also have a confirmed project ( even though it is miniscule, small is beautiful!). A client visit on the coming thursday, an ongoing project moving towards completion and some light at the end of the tunnel in terms of pending payments being released. The core team is gradually being formed. Slowly but surely. Hopefully.

I have developed this irritating habit of checking my phone every now and then. I think this has also become a addiction. To check mails, missed calls. I am not the prime minister of this country. No one is trying to reach me desperately. I just need to remember that. And leave the phone alone.
Rahim called. Altaf called. All guys who were with us once. This is good. At least they are staying connected. So there is no resentment, no negative energy. Shiva came to meet me. So did Vikas. Again members who worked very closely in the set up of this new office space.

Was invited to attend a conference organized by CREDAI where all the ‘who is who’ of the ‘real estate developers’ fraternity were present. I felt completely out of place. I mean with their expensive branded tuxedos, mobiles, limousines, pens, shoes and what have you. There was this smell of luxury. There was this air of complete confidence of owning a part of this earth. Probably ‘women’ fell in a much lower category for them compared to their ‘piece of land’. So there was I. Like a ‘chuha’. So I heard the speech of the concerned ‘Urban Development Minister’ and quickly made a quiet exit. The minister of course made a people pleasing speech (needs the votes and the money to get them) with many developers fawning over him.

Chal raha hai. chal to raha hi hai. Daudega kab. Ask God.

Seems the shortest possible route to reach where we want.

Asking God.

Being a mad woman

Aparna.Burjwal — Thu, 30 Dec 2010 06:00:27 +0000

Day before yesterday I became a mad woman yet again. We have a slum area right outside the office and many times we have employed boys from that area as office peons without checking their credentials or background or identity proof. Somehow I have always believed that ‘faith’ is the only way to work with people.
However, none of them lasted for even a month. Either the hours were too long or cleaning and swapping the floor/toilet was an issue and most of them left abruptly. Then they would come back for their wages of four days or ten days or even one day. It was always very irritating. Day before yesterday night a boy who left in a weeks’ time came with some relative (they never come alone, always in groups) in the night. My timings are known to all. I reach in the second half and work late. Mostly beyond 8:00pm I am alone in the office. So the guys came to create a ruckus. The guard asked them to come in the morning and talk to Shiva but to no avail. There was this urgency to create a drama. ‘poverty of thought’, ‘unwillingness to work’ and ‘addiction to drama’ goes hand in hand I guess. So they started just that when I lost it. I had had just enough of people not wanting to work and creating a ruckus for nothing in the office. I shouted and screamed at them and there was a crowd (maybe I should have been in politics, not business). Of course Shiva arrived on the scene (he was still in the new office) and tried to manage the situation. But it was unmanageability for me all around. In the head and outside. Why would someone come for money in the night at 10 pm? Is it money or drama they wanted? It makes me sad. One cannot, should not use poverty to manipulate people when one is not ready to put in any efforts to get out of that mode oneself. Being poor does not entitle us to create ‘noise and ruckus’ all the time while being unwilling to do the hard work needed to change the situation. Anyway, this is just my take on the issue.

We move today. Finally. We started packing yesterday. We have been able to deliver a part output for most projects which implies that we can take off for two to three days to shift, unpack, settle down and usher in the new year. Sandeep is back from Ajmer after taking the feedback for all the maps prepared. Hopefully, we should be able to wrap up this project in January.

There is hope and there is faith that we are moving on to a better future with less uncertainty, with more respect,money,good projects and team bonding. The stay here has been memorable. Fights, mass walkouts, the cops, the fights with the landlord, the disconnection of our water supply, the crucial months where we carried on with no salaries and no work. Is the worst over for us? I sincerely hope so.

Everyone is excited over the move. Narendra and Dimpi will have their own cabins. Shiva has an enitre room for himself. And there is a space for training. The admin and accounts section is also separate. luxurious. At least for us. And we do have a glass door with our logo on it as the main door. We are far from being an MNC but at least we are in the right direction. Appu has designed fabulous visiting cards for all of us and they are looking ‘cool’. Thanks Appu. Thank you very much. Dimpi and Kamakhya are organizing the tailor and the fabric for getting blazers for the entire team with our logo on it. Sounds good.

Miracles do happen. At least they have happened for us.

Unless I am in a dreamworld like ‘Alice in Wonderland’.

Looking good

Aparna.Burjwal — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 14:25:37 +0000

Very important. In fact that is all that matters. The packaging.

The turnover of the company should look good ( number crunching exercise with some manipulations thrown in for greater effect). Sometimes it can backfire like in the case of Satyam guys. I guess they went overboard with the manipulation. The turnovers were all fake. But they were real for a number of years. The common man believed them. The banks believed them. They looked good you see.

Similarly, in our lives, we just fake everything, our feelings , emotions, relationships just to look good. ‘Feeling good’ is secondary. ‘Looking good’ is the ‘be all and end all’. Our family may be dysfunctional but its not OK to talk about it. There may be abuse of all kinds in the family but the message always is, push it under the carpet. If there is alcoholism or some other addiction in the family, don’t ever talk about it. In fact assume that it does not exist. Just ‘act’ normal.

How much damage this ‘looking good’ business causes.

But maybe ‘feeling good’ may mean letting secrets out, showing the real me, standing in the sunlight just as I am with all my faults and foibles and that would be scary man. Very scary. What if everyone rejected me?

So hiding is next best option. Act as if. Act as if evertything is OK. Act as if there is nothing wrong. And do this for a generation till it becomes a false reality for the next generation and the cycle of ‘acting good’, abuse, addiction continues over the next few generations till someone decides not to look good.

The choices we make are never easy. But I guess for me today ‘feeling good is definitely more important’.

Whatever the cost may be. Anyway, there is nothing more to lose.

‘All is quiet on the western front’