Thanks to Hariom and Gagan ( who has recently joined and is a fresher). Thank you guys. For winning this one.

Hariom is also very near to testing the logic to be used in the software for the calculations with reference to the surfaces and the instruments for a single airport. Chandrakant is doing some reverse engineering for a site in Mumbai and he will also need to visit it very soon to collect a few coordinates. Amit has joined us in accounts and OmPrakash in administration. Let us see. Fingers crossed as always. The beginning is good. I have already shouted once (or maybe twice) and they have not quit. Hope is a good thing anyway.

It is so difficult for us to just manage the office ,bills,clients,meals. Wonder how HP manages the earth with its rotation and every miniscule life on it. It would be good to exchange notes with HP. I mean free of cost of course. Why would HP charge us? It is only man who cannot think of anything without charging.

A lot of potential team members are reading the blog. Sone pe suhaga. I mean why would they like to join after knowing all the nitty gritties of GC? A million dollar question. Kya hoga tera kaaliya. I hope it cannot get any worse. That the worst is over ( we have said that many times in the past too).

I don’t think I am writing intelligent stuff. I should pack up. One of the tyres in my car is punctured and that will need changing before I can reach home, hopefully before the time freezed by Appu which is 1:30 pm ( in the night of course). The team packed up early today (which means by 9:30pm) and that is amazing. They have only been able to leave by 11:30pm or 12:30pm in the past few  months.

‘Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence,

And I am learning, whatever state I am in,

therein to be content.’ – Helen Keller

Numerous calls and many interviews later, we are yet to zero in on a few good candidates. The freshers need a lot of training. The seniors have experience in working as slaves and in a controlled simulated environment with no creativity or imagination. It will take time for them to unlearn the ‘slavery’ and start with a fresh mind on a clean slate. Bahut panga hai.

We have asked our bankers to not pay PACT, Lucknow against the bank guarantee submitted by us as the project was completed and delivered by us a year ago. The work has been completed at a huge loss, the BG has expired and PACT has still not released a part of our final payment, even after the submission of all the deliverables. Talk about injustice. Talk about exploitation. Or better still, do not talk at all. Just survive.

There is fear. Fear has always been a large part of our lives. Fear of being on the roads. Fear of not being able to pay the rent or the bills. Fear of being broke. And many times, faith just flies out of the window. Let us just breathe. It is OK. It will be OK. We will be fine. Just fine.

Triggers, broken promises, broken dreams, brokenness in the family, the neglect, the abuse, the abandonment, the search for respect, for survival.

Technology, money, taxes.

All that is unimportant, becoming so important.

And all that is important, becoming so unimportant.

The important and the unimportant. The real and the unreal.

All mixed up.


 

We have placed an order for Ikonos stereo 1m satellite imagery for Mumbai. We always wanted to use photogrammetry to extract building heights. Now finally, we will be able to do it and that has been path breaking for us. We hope to do a more accurate job than before and hopefully it will mean a win win situation for all concerned.

A holiday tommorrow. Welcome and Unwelcome. Welcome because the past week has been bad on so many fronts. Unwelcome because there is still so much left undone, before the week ends. The heater has been repaired. There is a part time maid to do the cleaning and the utensils. Huge sigh of relief. Most of the bills for this month have been paid. Good. Cool. At the end of the month, most of the bills have been paid. Which means that the beginning of next month is right here. Which also means that there is another round of bills just waiting to barge in.

Thus far and no further.

“If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man my son!” – Rudyard Kipling

Damn tough.

‘Being a Man’.

‘To be a woman’, even more tougher.

The utensils, the filling of water, mopping the floors, cooking of dinner by Appu and me,

Appu rushing to college between calls for interviews from prospective candidates,

Me running to the office with undone tasks,loss of the team, bills,payments,clients,vegetables, unrepaired heater,curd in my head.

Trying to pray, to look for a modicum of faith to hang  on to, to look for something to look forward to.

If time could stop, if tears could flow, if the trust could return,

If only. Only if.

If life cannot be witnessed, be a witness to death. Be a witness to something.

Nothing, Nothingness.

Kuch pharak nahin padta,

Schemes, strategies, planning, aims, objectives. Can you hear the Gods laughing?

Jaane bhi do yaaron.

I guess I am angry with AAI. With the system in government orgainzations. With the hype around formal education when the basic values of work, integrity and honesty are not in place. I am just beginning to understand how it is easier to ‘not work’ than ‘ to work’ in our country. Kaam karne se logon ko dikkat hoti hai. It is like nobody works and if someone starts working, it is a big problem. It will mean that others have to work too and that would require changing as well as a huge amount of effort. ‘kaun karega’. And how will doing ‘work’, ‘good work’ change our karma? Quite a poignant argument put forward by many.

Kya sach hai, kya jhooth. Kuch samajh main nahin aata. Cannot figure out the truth anymore. Cannot see the good from the bad anymore. What is good is actually bad and what is bad may have a little goodness in it. Utter confusion. Utter chaos. Increase in entropy so to say.

We are poor as a country not because we do not have brains or talent, but because we do not, cannot respect work. That is the long and short of it. We have talent, we have brains but we do not wish to take a stand , to stretch ourselves, to reach beyond the ordinary. It is not the poplulation (we have enough space), it is not lack of education. It is a lack of attitude, a lack of work ethics. That is it. And politicians cannot point it out. Vote kaise milega? Intellectuals cannot accept it as they are part of the bureaucracy (the origin of the rot). Who will say that the emperor is naked? Who will bell the cat?

Still struggling with the payment gateway for the online shop. God. It has been like ages. Let it work. We have uploaded the constituency maps of UP for the upcoming assenbly elections in the state. Hopefully there will be buyers. Ritesh has pointed out that we are too expensive. So it has been decided that the pricing will be revised to get a break in the market. But we are good guys. I mean we are better than the others. And our maps are geo-referenced. They have a lat-long. Is that not important value addition? Chod do bhaiya. Map bechna hai ki nahin? Do you need the money or not? Of course we need the money. What are you talking? We need it every day, every moment. Then shut up and revise the pricing. OK. Let us do it. Now you are talking.

Rent, bills, rations, stress, tiredness, the mumbo jumbo again.

Talk about it.

The Mumbo Jumbo.

So much of hue and cry over the outward manifestation of ‘corruption’. The ‘bribes’, ‘commissions’. ‘paybacks’ are all symptoms of a deeper malaise. The ‘corruption’ exists in our minds. Uski surgery kaise karoge? The ‘media’ selling ‘soft porn’, projecting the possession of latest gizmos as the only sign of success’ ,apart from of course a beautiful girl hanging on your shoulders. Everyone would want to look good, to look successful and what could be a quicker way to achieve that than ‘getting easy money and quickly’. Go below the surface. The disease is of ‘wanting more and more’. The root cause is not corruption. The root cause is ‘greed’, is in wanting ‘to look good’, ‘to be on the fast track for name.fame,money,power’.

The team is still here. No one has quit. Till now. Achhi baat hai. Quite an achievement in itself. Hariom has committed to reading the guidelines. So has Chandrakant, I hope. Ritesh and Chandan are busy with the online shop and the payment gateway integration. The UK company hosting our sites is shutting down. So we need to very quickly transfer the sites to another hosting company before the 9th. Another crisis situation. Jhel lo bhaiyya. ‘Crisis’ is familiar. Being in ‘crisis’ is like being in a ‘comfort zone’. And being in ‘comfort zone’ would be like being in a ‘crisis’, being ‘uncomfortable’. Ulta chakkar hai.

The rations have been bought. Appu is not well. The bills are pouring in and the clients are not responding. They are still in celebration mode and ushering in the New Year. Ho gaya bhai. The New Year has arrived and so have the bills. Let us get back to work. Cake ho gaya, daaru ho gayi, party ho gayi. Its over. I mean the party time. At least for us.

I need a break. No I think I need a smoke. No, that would only increase the expenditure and where is the turnover to support that?

Maybe I should just keep quiet, let the world go about its business, let the earth rotate and just be.

From being a monster to being a saint. Sounds good.

From a monster to a saint.

A metamorphosis.

We need a U turn. A turning point. In the company and in our lives. Look up to the sky buddy. The sky might have some answers. And at least looking at the sky is not taxable ( up to now that is). If the government realized that the common man was getting some fringe benefits by looking at the sky, I am sure there would be a ‘Sky tax’ or ‘God support tax’ applied to the activity. So till then, we can look up and seek support from HP.

Ritesh has joined the team. kab tak rukega? The most common and the most powerful question. And that also in GC ( a madhouse with a mad woman). After all he is an IIT’an and GC would be too small a canvas for his huge vision. Ok, let us use the common cliche, ‘it is after all a growing company’ (kabse grow kar rahi hai bhai, kitne saal ya decades lagenge?) Like we are a ‘developing company’ in a ‘developing country’. We are ‘IP’. I mean ‘In Process’. That is a good state of being. To be in IP. We are not like ‘finished’ (as if that is a huge acheivement).

The ice tray of the fridge has been replaced. The gas cylinder has been bought in black (the legal one has not yet arrived although we got a message after fifteen days of booking that it is on its way, in IP that is). There is water in the house. And milk. And vegetables. And a few fruits. My God, we are rich. And let me not forget the plum cake that Appu bought on the eve of Christmas. Also the lunch and dinner being served in the office. Aur kya chahiye. Gratitude. Dude, practice some gratitude. It could have been worse ( I mean let us forget about the bills for a moment).

Truly, there is a lot to be grateful for. Despite and inspite of everything. Even the fact that we are in IP.

For being a work in progress.

In process.

Despite the pending bills, bought some lilies and gladiolus for the house and office respectively. A small way of pampering ourselves. To bring some cheer in both the places. We had Hanuman Prasad join yesterday, only to leave within 24 hours. Very difficult to survive in GC. Only the best can stay. Good for us. We only want the best. We do not want the whiff whaff. People who are just flirting with their lives and careers.

Hariom is becoming more and more confident with each passing day. And our vision of achieving a breakthrough with this open source, web based GIS application is becoming more and more real. ‘Real’ is good. Better than living in a ‘dream’. We are also on the verge of finishing the testing for the payment gateway integration for the online shop (Kuch naya batao, this is like stale news!). And we have no other project in our line of sight as yet. Unless we bid in ‘tenders’. And ‘tenders’ is a huge no no. They have never worked for us. With commissions or without them. We are not a ‘tender compatible’ company so to say. But do we have a ‘choice’. We desperately want to believe that we do have, at least a few. Nothing wrong in believing, hoping, wishing. The staple diet for many of us.

AAI has dissolved the Appellate Committee which assessed the projects for enhanced height approval. So there is no work for us in that area either. Need a few miracles here.Bottomline is that we need work. Topline is that we wish to work for three days in a week (maybe not even that) and have enough money to take care of our basic needs for an infinite period of time.

‘I wish’. ‘Missingness’. ‘Aloneness’. ‘Tasking’. ‘Multitasking’. ‘next steps’. ‘next bill’.'this moment’. ‘next moment’. ‘next breath’.

Just focus.

On the next breath.

Ashok has apologized and is back in the team. I truly hope this team has what it takes to win a match, a battle. Let me correct that. Not ‘a match’ but a series of ‘matches’. Not ‘a battle’ but a series of battles. Every moment, every day, every month and every year.
Had a meeting in Dwarka yesterday with Mr. Dhunta. He has written many books and is a known authority on ‘GPS’. I am hoping he can help us with some much needed ‘gyan’ on the working of the instruments at the airports. The larger part of the day was spent in travelling for the meeting and hence the rations for the office were bought by the office boys. Good for me.

There is a sense of emptiness. A void inside. And it seems nothing can fill it. name,fame,money. wine,women,wealth. The void refuses to go. And yet we keep running. towards something, away from ourselves. Running fast provides us with a false illusion of doing something worthwhile. It does not matter what we are running for. The direction in which we are runing. All that matters is the running. Bacause stopping can be much more painful. To stop would mean that we would need to do a reality check on our lat-long. To accept where we are. And then to change that. And that would take herculean effort. It may also mean losing our illusions leading to pain. And so, to avoid pain and loss, we keep running.

Appu has hurt her toe in the dance performance and we may need to a visit to the doctor. OK. What needs to be done, needs to be done. There is water in the house. And atta. The plants are ok. And the rent for this month is paid. So far so good.

Get work. Do it. Get the money. pay the bills. and then pay the taxes. And somewhere in the middle of all this, convince ourselves that we are happy. That we are doing great. Urban chaos.

Searching for a larger motive to be. Search.

Still searching.

Chandrakant is in Mumbai today to pick up the coordinates of a few sites. ‘Coordinates’, the be all and end all of our existence. Our life depends on it. And of course he has flown and was very excited about the trip (specially the part where the air hostesses come in). Chandan has uploaded the district maps of UP in hindi. Quite a feat for us. The testing of the payment gateway integration for the online shop finally seems to be moving towards completion. Hopefully it should be complete by the end of this year. We need to start selling the maps. Revenue, revenue. Think of ways and means to generate more. and more. Jo jeeta wohi sikander hai bhai. Keep earning.
Hariom is figuring out a way to run spatial queries for detecting the surfaces where the site lies using open source GIS. He is moving. Sometime just moving is enough. At least we are not standing still.

Appu is back. It was a tiring trip. She could not really gel with her group ( most of them indulged in binge drinking and ogling at boys occasionally). So it was not entirely an ‘unforgettable trip’. But it was an experience. They came third and were loudly cheered during their performance. She is glad she is back and I am glad too. Too much ‘aloneness’ leads to ‘loneliness’.

We have four housekeeping guys in the office. Two in the morning shift and two in the night. We continue to serve breakfast, lunch and dinner, all cooked in the pantry of the office. A tall order by any means. Its tough to arrange the milk, vegetables, curd on a daily basis. The weekend is here. Which also means it is time to get the weekly rations. My God. I mean the week has ended too early. Two meetings lined up for this evening (late evening, night hi bolo). Have kept no meeting for tommorrow. Just need to be. To not have to rush every minute of the day. To not have the mind think continuously about the next task on the list.

Kya paya. Kya khoya. Pata nahin. What did we lose? What did we gain? Do not know the accounts as yet. I guess the balance sheet will be prepared in the end. When is the end? Or is it every moment? Or at the end of each day? Before the next day begins?

Hisaab Kitaab. Accounting. of time. of good deeds and bad. Of kindness and cruelty. Of honesty and dishonesty. Too complicated for human beings. We can only handle the accounting of money. Our 2D thinking cannot go beyond it to the realm of multi-dimensional accounting. Toh chod do. So let us leave it to the universe.

The story of our lives.

Hisaab Kitaab.