A lot of work is pending in the house and in the office. The business plan is lying in cold storage. A lot of mails have to be sent. And of course we need work. A lot has been lost. In terms of faith in people, in family,in systems. It can be referred to as ‘growing up’. Or it can be termed as ‘disillusionment’. Call it what you may.

NATMO has still not paid up. I wonder what gives government bodies the right  to withhold payment after taking the entire work. Upteen calls and letters have not helped. It is pointless to take them to court. It would take ages and cost more than what is due. If we were to charge compensation for the delay in payment, that in itself would amount to ten times the original cost of the project. It might be prudent to explore the option. We will have to get used to the idea of taking errant people to court, even if it is unpalatable.

The atta and chawal have finished in the office. Oh God, not again. The washbasin is leaking in the toilet and there is seepage elsewhere. It seems that the plumbers,carpenters and electricians will be needed forever.

The battle has begun,or it is over. It has been won or it has been lost.

Or maybe it does not matter at all.

The PC (the one which had conked off)  is also up and running. The mother board has been replaced and it is back to normal (Thank God for small mercies).

Meera Johri ( who is an  editor), where are you? She is the one who said that I should continue posting (even though I felt that most of what I wrote were ramblings and whining) apart from my daughter who actually monitors the blog and keeps re-inventing the design (looks). Thank you Appu for the management (of the blog) and also for finding some lemongrass for my tea.

Appu is down with high fever after a huge altercation we had last night(my apologies bebzer). I am hoping that the fever is not because of that. In case her fever continues to run high, I am not sure if we would be able to visit my brothers’ place tommorow for Rakhi. Like everything else, we will see. The business plan (ah yes, the plan) has to be worked upon. So much of inertia to sit down with it. OK. Maybe this coming wednesday will be a good day to begin to take it forward.

Veena has found better opportunities and today was her last working day in the office. We wish her all the best in all her future endeavours and career. She has been a good team member.

My father called and suggested that I should join my brother as he has recently opened a new office in Okhla (and not let mother know as she would raise hell). I told him that it could not be a Krishna-Sudama story and it was better to live with ‘not having’ than to live with ‘having with disrespect’.  I do not know if he will understand. I hope he does.

‘It is not possible to get bread from a hardware store’.

There are unattended bills, bank instalments and the plotter is still in the service center. I have also been called to the bank at 3:00pm tommorrow and what transpires therein is still a question mark. We had taken a temporary limit of Rs. 1.5 lakh ( for executing the work of Yashi) which along with the term loan instalment is now 3.0 lakh and I think the discussion will revolve around that. This is of course also is the same amount that we should have got from yashi over and above the 2.5 that we got. So we are still facing the music and maybe will continue to do so for the next two to three months.

I am still reading the guidelines from AAI for obtaining an NOC for a building. There is just a little more clarity than yesterday although Tango (the ex-air force pilot) came and explained a few terms. But we are moving ahead. In the right direction.

 
Appu is staying back in school after the classes are over these days for practice and apparently the dance performance is coming out very well. All the teachers are very happy with the choreography and the presentation.
We might be doing some GIS training over the next week and that would be very challenging. Narendra would be handling most of the pressure and the systems, well we might do a double shift. Let us see.

 
Also need to contact Subrata Mitra and Ashish Gupta regarding the business plan and other opportunities.

The car was repaired today (kharcha again) and is behaving much better.

 
As they say in NA rooms, sab kuch gadbad hai. phir bhi baki sab theek hai, meaning that if you are clean, it is still worth a lot.

To be out of the system and yet to live within the system is quite a task. The ‘aloneness’ is much more and both me and my daughter experience it quite regularly.

At least for today, there is nothing more to be done.

Au revoir

 
From Yashi, from relationships which have not worked. Of course there is a huge financial mess. But it is getting clearer that the emotional mess needs to be cleaned up before the financial mess.

A lot of decisions need to be taken. But for the time being I am just sitting still. Trying to figure out the direction in which we are and the direction in which we need to be. Trying to trust the universe to come up with some answers,some solutions.

Appu is choreographing a dance in her school and she is staying over after school for practice. The physical and mental stress of taking on this responsibility is getting to her and she broke down completely last night.

 
Also because I have been continuously stressed with GC over the last month (actually it seems forever), I have not been emotionally present for her and that is what became clear last night.

We need to meet the bankers, hunt for a new office space, deal with the creditors, look for a new project. The list is endless. For today I guess, I need to attend an NA meeting. Need to touch base with emotional sobriety. With all the tornadoes swirling around me, I need to find a center of peace.

Am in touch with my classmates, Ashish Gupta and Subrata Mitra and hopefully, we will start working on a business plan by the end of the week. The Atlas is also under discussion as of now.

And all is quiet.

For a change.

I have not been able to make any headway as far as the business plan goes. OK, Maybe today I will go beyond the headings that I have been able to put on a sheet of paper.

Jagannanth Nayak who is working on the mining project is leaving for Indore today for a field visit. Hopefully, it will be a successful trip. Narendra will be leaving for Barabanki to submit the base map against which we should be able to raise a bill for a delta x amount. Any amount is welcome guys.

The provisional balance sheet is yet to be ready. The service tax and TDS issues are still loming large. The plotter is still with the HP service center.

And me and my daughter wish to go on a holiday. What an audacity and tenacity of purpose.

Cool.

I am trying to be in peace, to think and operate from a place of peace and stillness and not from a state of chaos and panic. That takes effort for me. And that is why the mornings are extremely important for me. I sit with my cup of tea and watch the flowers ( which I regularly buy regardless of the amount of money in the house) or just stare into space. Those few quiet moments are when I try to connect with my being and a higher power. Its like connecting to a source of energy for recharge.

My daughters’ exams are over (Thank God) but we are not really looking forward to the results. I mean she has been barely able to survive in the claustrophobic system and all we want is for her to pass. No accolades, no top percentage. Just a survival in a system in which we do not believe and we do not respect.

Today is going to be hectic. All the enquiries have to be answered. And we need to look for some good software guys ( I mean that would be like looking for a needle in a haystack but nevertheless). And the business plan (how can I forget that). I was able to clear two telephone bills yesterday (good going) and so if I can tackle one or two bills everyday, maybe the pile would disappear (miracle of miracles)

Sitting here today quietly. with hope and peace.

I am getting ready mentally for a potential business partner. Maybe that would mean increased growth, distribution of responsibilities, funding.. Maybe I am in the burnout phase. Just too tired most of the time.

The salaries for February and most of the pending bills need to be cleared. Except that I have no idea how.
The bank has refused to increase our limit at all unless we show some collateral, property against which they might consider our request. And ‘property’? You must be joking guys. Where is the property?

So I checked out the process of developing a business plan. And it is a herculean task. And how can you go on and on writing (actually praising) about your concept, services,idea, whatever..
par karna to padega.

VC’s,angel investors, angels.. please visit GC.

I have not contributed an iota in my daughters’ final exams. If at all, I have been whining and have been depressed around her.

I am going insane.

Don’t check me out.