Tag: Business


The outside seems OK. We are performing everyday. The office is being cleaned. The projects are being executed with as much precision as possible. And yet the insides are all messed up. The abandonement issues are cropping up churning my insides and crippling me emotionally. Is there any assigned place and time for grieving one’s emotional losses? Dard ko mehsoos karne ke liye koi jagah ya waqt ho sakta hai? Jeevan ki raftaar itni tez ho gayee hai ki apne aap se milne ka bhi waqt nahin hai. My parents left me emotionally, physically and spiritually to fend for myself. I was not the daughter they wanted me to be. Appu’s father, my ex-husband left me as I was not the wife he wanted me to be. Because I could not tolerate the drinking and the constant financial crises that were a part of the effect of alcoholism in our house. My ex in-laws never bothered to find out whether I was alive or dead. And now Appu feels that I have not been the mother she would have liked me to be, as I have been so focussed on GC, work and being self supporting financially. So I guess I have lost personally on all fronts. That makes me a loser I guess.

That’s my truth. Ugly or beautiful. Take it or leave it. And that is why everything is so mixed up for me. Love, dis-respect, abuse, abandonment. All seem to be part of a package deal. Cannot seem to distinguish one from the other.

‘Elections’: The biggest business of our times. It is a shame, what our so called ‘leaders’ have stooped to? There are no leaders today. Leaders were people like ‘Bhagat Singh’ who were ready to lay down their lives for their beliefs, their values, for the re-structuring of the country. Abhi kahaan hain woh breed? It is no more. Culture, respect, ethics, all are slaughtered publicly to win the game. For what is it but a game? With loud music, drama, noise, jokers,villains. Real change happens silently. True leadership does not need trumpets to announce its leadership.

The malls, the cars, the money is increasing along with the poverty of the mind and soul. Soon the bankruptcy will be so great that in place of ID cards, we will be carrying our bank statements to prove our existence.

Where the hell are we going guys?

Is there no way to stop this juggernaut which is moving towrads self-destruction?

Or we have yet to hit our rock bottom?

Questions. And more questions.

At least let us keep questioning.






‘And why’

Work has begun in the newly leased office space. It is bareshell and a lot of renovation,fabrication,interior wok needs to be done to make it operational. Quite a job. Appu is coordinating with the architects and contractors and that is a major burden off my head. The biggest challenge facing us is that of building a good team. A team which has this ‘stuff of leadership’ one keeps hearing about. The stuff dreams are made of. We have a dream. A fantasy.

I think it is time we re-defined ‘poverty’. Poverty is not about having ‘nothing’. It is about having ‘everything’ and yet wanting ‘more’ by any means. It is about dis-respecting women and children. It is about hiding our true selves and presenting a painted mask to the world just to look good. It is about not confronting the truth for fear of loss of wealth or chair, even if it is staring us in the face. It is about producing bad quality work and getting away by saying that we are not educated enough. It is about selling our souls to make money fast. So the rich are sometimes poorer than the poorest. And the poor are often times richer than the richest. Bahut complicated hai.

We are also a country driven by bottomlines. Ten years ago it was ‘roti,kapda,makan’. And even today it the basics. The politics of this country is driven by the bottomline. Add to it ‘daaru’. So if the would be netas ( really?) offer khana,kapda and/or daaru, the promise of a few square feet of land, they get the votes. To achhi sarkar kahan se banegi? We are the ones selling our own futures so cheap. Whom can we blame? And the money to provide all this comes from the corporates. And hence politics becomes business. Based on M&M. Money and Muscle power. Mike par speech dene se koi neta thodi ban jaata hai. We have no leaders today. We have no one to look up to. That is a poverty that cannot be redeemed. Our younger generation is busy trying out the western culture. Whether it is clothes, lifestyle, drinking, smoking, girlfriends or easy money, they want it all and now. No spark. All plastic. I guess we are responsible. This is what we have created. Plastic people. Plastic money.

Where is the topline? What kind of a nation do we wish to be? What are the qualities we wish to live by? What do we wish to be known for? Can we just become clean for a change? Manage the garbage and drainage? Ensure clean water supply to all before creating more malls? Ensure enough parking space and open space before allowing more cars on the already overcrowded roads? Do good work in place of just trying to look good? We do not donate organs, we do not donate time and we certainly do not donate goodwill. Are we really human? The lawyers and judges are worse than prostitutes. Yes. The courts are worse than the so called red light areas where thousands queue up to buy and sell souls everyday.

More than money, we need to generate and achieve self-respect today. As a nation. As individuals.

So that our children do not turn around and ask us:

‘What the hell have you done?’

‘And why?’


An illusion

The difference between the masses and the classes. Can be measured only in light years.Politics, a synonym for business, is driven by the masses. By the underbelly, underworld, ghettos, slums, everything that is unauthorized. So the most authorized business actually runs from the most unauthorized places and the people at the bottomline, yearning to be heard somewhere, somehow, sometime. How can we even begin to think of cleaning the system? Kahan se shuru karoge? And how can one deal with hunegr, poverty, lethargy, the attitude of being a loser and the powerbrokers who exploit these needs to whet their hunger for power and control.

Appu has been upset. With the constant financial crisis situations in the office and house. With the hostility shown by AAI officials. I guess this is the cost we are paying for taking  a stand. I am sure that easier softer options exist. But we have never taken them. And now is the time to pay for the choices made. Good or bad. Right or wrong.

Sab golmaal hai. And yet we gloat over the fake statistics, the fake turnovers, the fake signs of outward success. All the time, becoming poorer inside. All the time becoming empty and hollow.

We need more projects. More revenue. More income. And above all winners in our team. Change your tune bhai. It is really an old one now. Maybe we should get some people from the western world to get the work culture right. Maybe in place of our guys looking to work abroad, we should import some of them here.

The admin is ok. The pantry is working. The chairs in the office are being repaired today. Can we ever hope for a day where no repair is needed for anything in the office? Or for our souls? A client visit is scheduled for tommorrow. Need to make a trip to Hyderabad for another project. Good to stay busy. Lagta hai kuch kaam ho raha hai. Feels as if we are acheiving huge things.

A dream. Which keeps us going. Keeps us alive.

An illusion.





‘Live to die’

Hate visiting the lawyers. The bankers cannot give us any window of time to retaliate the revoking of the BG by PACT, Lucknow. Le lo yaar. It is money after all. We were more concerned about the self respect that would be damaged if this act was condoned. But maybe the chief engineer or chairman PACT will lose self respect, not us. We have done the work, at a loss and as directed by PACT to the best of our ability, in fact even beyond it. We have to surrender the rest to the universe. Money will go and come. Hopefully. And we are not on the roads, as yet.

Gujiyas. My mother is very good at making them. I thought of calling her to ask for the recipe like any daughter would do under normal circumstances. But I do not know if she will talk to me. She has thrown me out of her life. I am not welcome in her life or home anymore. When the doors of your own home are closed, which other doors can open for you.

I drive back from the office very late in the night and the stark naked roads seem more real, more truthful than the hustling bustling roads of daytime. raat mein zyada sachhai dikhti hai. din se raat zyada schhi hai. It is like there is no mask in the night. There is no fakeness. No need too look good. To make money. To cover up.

Team nahin hai. All of us have different histories, different backgrounds and different limitations. We are using different survival tactics and feel more attacked than protected. So we are threatened by each other. Kya karen? We hurt each other to be able to survive. At any cost.

Blabbering as usual. Have we been able to change even one person? Then let us just shut up and go about our business.

Living is a preparation for dying.

And dying every moment is a preparation for living the next.

‘live to die’

‘Worse than losing’

We are broke. Thanks to the misuse of a blank cheque by our ex-accountant, Suraj Sinha. The cheque was given to him for cancellation. Of course he did not cancel it. He kept it for malafide use in the future. And that future is now. He also blocked the pc he was using with a password which he refused to reveal. It was for this reason that his salary of a fortnight was withheld. And he found this way to to debilitate the company. He took what he though was due to him and more. In the way of a conman. Incidentally, he also had the online passwords to be able to check the balances and to be able to generate statement of accounts. He has made very good use of this information.

So we are in a beg,borrrow,steal stage. But we will not die. I mean we are not dead yet. But we just might.

I don’t think we can be a part of the system. So the corollary to this is that we can never ever be successful within the system and by its definitions. We have to learn to live with this reality. We will always be outcasts. Business is Politics. And politics is business. And in between the two are just survivors. Still wondering what category we belong in.

Aur hoga nahin. I mean you know what I mean. The hacking, the conning, the forgery, the lies, the manipulation, the mis-trust. Difficult to work with this. To win. And to have no meaning to that winning.

When to win is worse than losing.

‘worse than losing’

‘To be content’

OK. Hold your breath. This one is unbelievable (but when have believable things happened with us?). The payment gateway of the shop has been successfully integrated and it is working fine!! Just when we had given up hope of it ever working fine. Just when we thought that our e-commerce venture would go down the drain, that it would never work with all the technical glitches and the  fiasco with the last team( I mean so many have happened, right!). So the shop is technically and financially open and we should be in business soon( I mean not even one of our maps has been sold as yet but what the hell).

Thanks to Hariom and Gagan ( who has recently joined and is a fresher). Thank you guys. For winning this one.

Hariom is also very near to testing the logic to be used in the software for the calculations with reference to the surfaces and the instruments for a single airport. Chandrakant is doing some reverse engineering for a site in Mumbai and he will also need to visit it very soon to collect a few coordinates. Amit has joined us in accounts and OmPrakash in administration. Let us see. Fingers crossed as always. The beginning is good. I have already shouted once (or maybe twice) and they have not quit. Hope is a good thing anyway.

It is so difficult for us to just manage the office ,bills,clients,meals. Wonder how HP manages the earth with its rotation and every miniscule life on it. It would be good to exchange notes with HP. I mean free of cost of course. Why would HP charge us? It is only man who cannot think of anything without charging.

A lot of potential team members are reading the blog. Sone pe suhaga. I mean why would they like to join after knowing all the nitty gritties of GC? A million dollar question. Kya hoga tera kaaliya. I hope it cannot get any worse. That the worst is over ( we have said that many times in the past too).

I don’t think I am writing intelligent stuff. I should pack up. One of the tyres in my car is punctured and that will need changing before I can reach home, hopefully before the time freezed by Appu which is 1:30 pm ( in the night of course). The team packed up early today (which means by 9:30pm) and that is amazing. They have only been able to leave by 11:30pm or 12:30pm in the past few  months.

‘Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence,

And I am learning, whatever state I am in,

therein to be content.’ – Helen Keller

A metamorphosis

Just feeling very tired. Bang in the beginnig of  new year. And irritated with anyone and everyone. Also spaced out. Appu is upset with my behaviour. So am I. Running the house. Quite a task I must say. So is running a business, small or big. To do it on a daily basis is humugus. Jaan nikal jati hai. Need some help here. O what would I give to feel feminine again!

So much of hue and cry over the outward manifestation of ‘corruption’. The ‘bribes’, ‘commissions’. ‘paybacks’ are all symptoms of a deeper malaise. The ‘corruption’ exists in our minds. Uski surgery kaise karoge? The ‘media’ selling ‘soft porn’, projecting the possession of latest gizmos as the only sign of success’ ,apart from of course a beautiful girl hanging on your shoulders. Everyone would want to look good, to look successful and what could be a quicker way to achieve that than ‘getting easy money and quickly’. Go below the surface. The disease is of ‘wanting more and more’. The root cause is not corruption. The root cause is ‘greed’, is in wanting ‘to look good’, ‘to be on the fast track for name.fame,money,power’.

The team is still here. No one has quit. Till now. Achhi baat hai. Quite an achievement in itself. Hariom has committed to reading the guidelines. So has Chandrakant, I hope. Ritesh and Chandan are busy with the online shop and the payment gateway integration. The UK company hosting our sites is shutting down. So we need to very quickly transfer the sites to another hosting company before the 9th. Another crisis situation. Jhel lo bhaiyya. ‘Crisis’ is familiar. Being in ‘crisis’ is like being in a ‘comfort zone’. And being in ‘comfort zone’ would be like being in a ‘crisis’, being ‘uncomfortable’. Ulta chakkar hai.

The rations have been bought. Appu is not well. The bills are pouring in and the clients are not responding. They are still in celebration mode and ushering in the New Year. Ho gaya bhai. The New Year has arrived and so have the bills. Let us get back to work. Cake ho gaya, daaru ho gayi, party ho gayi. Its over. I mean the party time. At least for us.

I need a break. No I think I need a smoke. No, that would only increase the expenditure and where is the turnover to support that?

Maybe I should just keep quiet, let the world go about its business, let the earth rotate and just be.

From being a monster to being a saint. Sounds good.

From a monster to a saint.

A metamorphosis.

‘Raunak lagi rehti hai’

Another legal notice. Means that we are not dead dogs. Because no one kicks a dead dog. There must be some life in us. As yet. Abhi lawyer dhoodhna padega. It takes more work to create an environment for work rather than the actual work. The 80-20 ratio again. 80% of the time is spent in preparing to work. Only the balance 20% is available for the actual work. Being a failure is difficult. Being successful is even more difficult. I guess it must be easier to hang somewhere in between, neither quite here and neither quite there.

We had advertised for a consultant and did not get a single response. ‘Teachers’ are hard to find. ‘ students’ are even harder to find. Although the business of ‘teaching’ is the most ( maybe only) profitable business as of now. We are muddling along. A few mistakes there, a few mistakes here. Consequences, fear, panic, deep breath, back on track. The interviews for the selection of a GIS executive are over. Five candidates have been shortlisted. One of them will be finalized over the next week. Narendra Rana is leaving for Ahmedabad for the collection of constituency maps on this coming tuesday. Dimpi is struggling with the online shop. Kamakhya is worried about PHBAAS as the upoming airport in navi Mumbai has created quite a few complications in the development of the product. Narendra is working on the latest small project.

Today is daughter’s day and me and Appu have planned to go out in the evening. As of now she has gone for a movie with her friend. I am happy that she has begun planning these small outings. She has spent quite some time sitting alone in the house. The office was cleaned thoroughly yesterday and the house is being cleaned today. I wish we could also clean our hearts and souls. But that would take a lifetime or even generations.

I was talking to a real estate client in Mumbai. The one who has filed all these RTI’s in AAI. He opined that if he had powerful political links, the need for filing RTI’s would not have arisen. But that he had consciously stayed away from any affiliation with any political party although he gets a lot of feelers from them. He said he was not very ambitious and had no willingness to compete with the other real estate developers. That for him, life or work was not just about making money. That ‘Work’ is only an essential part of living. That is it. Nothing more. Nothing less. ‘Raunak lagi rehti hai’, bas. I like that. That work is only to create some liveliness, some movement. And not the most important component of ‘living’.

Why are we working?

‘ raunak lagi rehti hai’.

‘Let go’

The earth will continue to rotate without our help. I wish I could say the same about the office. Saturday has been declared a holiday but it is a major day of operations for the HR/Admin/Accounts. The entire office is cleaned, the systems are scanned for viruses and the accounts are brought up to date. So in many ways it is a working day for most of us.
Finally, it is a sunday and the phone is silent.

Increasingly, i think more than jobs, we need people who want to do those jobs, who truly want to work. Mostly I am challenged with people who believe that having a degree and being alive is a passport for getting a job and making a living. And this creates poor quality work, low national income and consequently lesser net income and growth. But this is an area which is not focussed at, at all, as it would mean confronting the inability of our education system, of confronting our own inadequacies as individuals and as a nation. This is one more reason for people to walk out from GC. They are challenged to not just exist, but to live, to stretch their capabilities to the maximum and the hard work and commitment required drives them away. Mostly they are looking for easier softer options to make a living and just getting by. ‘Just get by’ is the ‘mantra’ to live with for most of us.

No project or payment in sight so far. Good. Very good. The lean times will help us respect the good times better. Amma continues to cook the lunch in the office. So far so good. The HR/Admin team has been re-vamped and hopefully they will sustain the pressure at GC. The newsletter for the month of july is in progress and is being designed by Narendra.
The online shop is due to be launched on August 8 although large parts of the inteface are yet to be finalized. Keeping our fingers crossed.

The online motor in the house has been replaced and the water situation is better now. I think it was overdue and it was just not done due to the lack of funds. So as we say in NA, on the outside, there is manageability. Ah, but what matters is the inside and we hardly ever talk about it.

Let the tears flow, they clean the eyes, the heart and the soul,
Let the world go about its own business,
Let the earth rotate at its own speed,
Let the universe step in and help when we cannot do it alone,
Let go of things, of people who choose to leave.

Letting go is probably the most powerful lesson in life and living.

‘Let go’


Get every new post on this blog delivered to your Inbox.

Join other followers: