Once when there was no money and no work. And now when there is no work but a reasonable amount of stability (meaning that at least the salaries are being paid on time). The issue, which on the face of it is a non-issue and yet has been the biggest issue: ‘male ego’. Have been combating it from the day of my birth.
The office was not opened till 10:00 am this morning. The guard had taken a half day leave and the keys were handed over to the housekeeping peon who works in the evening shift. He came to the office with the keys and did not know how to use them to open the glass door. Ajay, the manager (who should have managed) the crisis reached office only at 10: 15am. I was frantically making calls to the office after 9:00 am and nobody was picking up the phone. I had even called Ajay yesterday, i.e on a sunday to remind him that there could be a problem in the morning as the guard had taken off. I was assured that everything was under control. I was upset by the time Ajay reached office and I told him that with a senior profile like his, he should have taken more responsibility. That with a ‘manager’ on board, I could do without the tension of checking whether (and how) the office had been opened on time. bas ho gaya. The fragile male ego got punctured.
And then it was the worst possible show of all the male egos getting together to stage a walk out and quote, unquote ‘teach me a lesson’. At least, in this area, I have already learnt my lessons, guys. I can live alone, work alone and stand alone. It is OK. This is not the first time it has happened. They did not call me, inform me or say their goodbyes. The office became a picnic spot. They picked up their bags and left. Quite a manly thing to do, I must say. Just walk away. The ‘walk out guys’ have also enrolled Dimpi in their mission. She also refused to take my calls and most probably will not come back after her holiday. She was also not ‘woman’enough to talk to me. I am the ‘villain’ again. Bahut aadmiyon ke saath kaam kiya. Aadmi koi bhi nahin mila ( worked with a lot of men, did not find even one man amongst them). ek bhi nahin. Not even one with any balls.
The following have walked away unceremoniously from our office today : Anand Singh Rawat, Ajay Kumar Bhatia, Dimpi Nayak, Kamakhya Puri Kushwaha. Narendra Kumar Das had also left after reacting very badly on a trivial issue. I did not mention it earlier as I wanted a peaceful closure. I wish we could put them on a blacklist so that they do not cause harm to another company. But I guess that will have to wait. There are other more pressing and urgent issues to be handled here.
Ajay had worked earlier in an office automation office as an admin executive. I think the promotion to the level of a manager in an IT company was a heady cocktail of of ‘power and control’. jhel nahin paya. Same with Anand. Both were new entries to the IT sector. And could not deal with the freedom along with the responsibilities and of course ‘my gender’. I do not know about Kamakhya and Dimpi. maybe it was pre-planned. They were just waiting for the right moment (just after the salaries were dispersed). How opportunistic is that?
We have begun the process of taking interviews. Just that the training in the applications of aviation will have to be done again. The collective energy will have to be channelized again. par achha hai. A complete clean-up is good to build a better and stronger building. A complete virus scan so to say. No remnants of any virus strains. I think over the months there was this smugness in the technical team that they had learnt all that was required. That they were the best. And this ‘smugness’ was harming us. It was stopping us from learning and growing. So it is nice that we can start from a fresh and clean slate again with no skeletons in to bury. Sometimes relationships which are meant to end just end. And it is for the larger good of all concerned. Its just the way they are ended that makes it messy. And painful.
We will go forward. We will fight the remaining battle. As always. Even if the ‘we’ includes just ‘me and God’ as of now.
I do have one request for my HP. Give me the same brain, the same feelings, the same problems maybe but in case I need to re-visit the earth, please do not make me a ‘woman’.
‘Please do not make me a woman’.