Tag: cops

‘Shor se pare’

Dharti per reh kar jeena. To be on the earth. Huge task. It is easier to live in a make believe world of ‘larger than life’ pictures. And bloated egos.

A world where we are self proclaimed ‘Gods’. A world where the ‘God’ resides only in temples and has no business in the matters of running the world. There is utter chaos everwhere. No wonder. Man is trying to be the Boss everywhere. So to resolve the chaos, we are creating more chaos. Well done guys. We are doing great.

We do not need so many laws and so many people to ensure that the law is followed. We just need one law. That is to be ‘human’. How can we ensure that ‘humanity’ is practiced? In all situations? Under all circumstances? In poverty? In aloneness? When we are being watched and when we are not being watched? When there is money? Even when there is no money?

Which school, which college, which institution can teach us to be human beings? And if we could just be human, all the other laws could be scrapped to set free a battery of lawyers, advocates, policemen who are not doing their jobs anymore because they have ceased to be human. They have become parts of a machinery which neeeds more and more oil in the form of money to run and is becoming monstrous and out of control. The machinery to force people to behave and become more human is itself a monster and we wish to run away from it.

Aur laws mat banao bhaiiya. Insaan bana sakte ho?

Can our politicians be more human?

Can the cops be more human?

Can the rest of humanity be more human? All over the world?

Just so much noise. Nothing in action,or deed,or thought.

Aur halla machao.

Kitna shor hai. Charon Taraf. Thoda chup ho jaate hai bhai. Thoda soch lete hain.  Pagalon ki jaise bhaagte ja rahen hain.

Just running. Just creating noise.

Shor ke pare bhi to kuch hai.There must be meaning beyond the noise we are creating.

‘ Shor se pare’


The checklist

For once, there are no words. Words are so limited in their ability to express, to communicate. So much has happened and so much has not happened in the last few days. And so much has been lost. Faith in the system, in the cops, in people, in the current generation. And what a great loss that is. Lesson learnt: Never call 100. They will create a bigger mess and turn the situation around according to their perception and personal prejudice. And in place of being protectors, they  beome judges who can deliver instant judgements without proper hearings.

Appu also came very close to losing her sanity. This is the cost we have had to bear to keep the company afloat, to keep walking the walk. Desperately looking for some normalcy. Of being normal, of experiencing a normal life.

Calculations over for the Trivandrum sites.  We are ready with the presentations. But the meeting of the Appellate Committee has been postponed. There has been a change ( how many times?) in the Joint Secretary of the Ministry and the new guy on the block will take time to settle down and understand the intricacies involved.

Time hi toh nahin hai. Where is the time? We are nearing the end of the month. And the end of the month implies bills. Please talk of something better. Aur kya baat ho sakti hai? I mean who else will pay the bills. It is not a Mills and Boon story you know. We are talking of real life and living here. The mobile, the car, the roof, the eletricity, everything has a cost. And non-payment means dis-connection of services and being on the roads. Grow up. How long can we keep talking of the mall, weather, movies, politics, philosophy. End of the day. The bills will catch up with us. That and the past. The past also has to be dwealt with. At some point.

I have become the masculine force in the house and office. Constantly looking for solutions. Am losing the ability to just hear withut doing anything. My mind starts racing the moment it encounters a problem. I guess that is what  gender transformation is about. So I am becoming a man in a woman’s body. That would be terrible. Need to stop this process.

My father has asked me not to send messages on the mobile as my mother reads them and he has to take the flak for being in touch with me despite contrary instructions. I asked him not to be in touch with me at all. Why should I camouflage my communications with a man who is supposed to be my father? Why? There are never any answers to why? Only to what and when.

Amma is ready to go to her village for a month as her daughter-in-law is expecting. And at some level, I am resentful. I cannot think of taking off for a day and here she is. She leaves whenever and comes back to pick up her life from where she left whenever. Why can’t I have that luxury. Again why? No answers sweetheart. There are no answers to why.

Stop rambling. Get on to your checklist for the jobs to be done today.

Check your checklist. To stay alive.

The checklist.

Oh Really?

Missed call from my father. I called back.

He picked up the phone and I said hello.

He said ‘wrong number’ and dis-connected.

I guess my mother must have been around. No one in my family is supposed to connect with me in any way at all.  I am, was and will remain a wrong number in their lives for ever. What greater poverty can there be?

The complaint against the vandalism in our office has not been registered. All the witnesses were intimidated into changing their statements by the cops. There is no case. The violence just happened. No one did it.

Women’s day. You bet.

The lectures, the beautiful words, the camouflage. Its the in-thing to talk about women’s protection. Just like having the latest iphone. It helps in looking good.

And that is where it stops.

The police is very wise. It caters to the politicians and is the mafia in uniform. The politicians are also very wise. They do not deny that the caste system exists. They use it to their advantage. They divide and rule. They define their vote banks and strategize. Of course they promote the religious and caste divide. That is how they win their seats. How cool is that? Any difference between them and the British?

If I could truly live for a day, what would I do, who would I be? I don’t know. Stopped living long ago.

Now it is just a game. Of survival, of numbers, of proving a point to everyone except oneself, of creating so much noise that our own voices are barely audible.

This is civilization for us.


Oh Really?

Jai Hind.

The cops are a copout.

We have lost faith in the entire police system. The cops seem to be more dangerous in their uniforms than actual goondas. 

What happened in this office with us yesterday is a matter of shame for the entire country. The police was hand in gloves with the two boys (ex-employees) who have powerful connections in terms of money and position (their uncle is a commissioner apparently in the police department) and created violence in the office with legal permission so to say. The entire operation was staged to support the illegal elements for unlawful gains and control. The incident has created so much fear in the remaining employees that no one wishes to work in this office anymore.

All the employees walked out today because of the chaos and violence created by these two boys fresh out of college  who had blood in their eyes as  their services were terminated due to bad behaviour. And no action has been taken against them. In fact the manager (admin) who was beaten up by them has been forced by the police to change his statement so as to protect the two culprits. The  manager changed his statement by 180 degrees after being intimidated by the police. 

What a country? What a shame? And these are the uniformed men? men? You think so? 

Is that being an officer? 

There was another incident where I was beaten up by the goons of the local MLA of Okhla Phase-I and  no action was taken on my complaint by the SHO  of Okhla Phase-I Thana. Aam baat hai. The goons bet me up and left. Simple hai. After all the MLA is behind them. I am sorry my parents got me educated. Education does not help in this country. Goondagardi does. Its good to be a goonda. And a man in this country. All this talk about women protection. All humbug. All for political gain. For votes.

 Jungle Raaj. Just camouflaged in the garb of civilization. Very scary.

Is anyone listening?

 Jai Hind.

‘Shantih Sarvam’

Shoonyta main Poornta. Fullness in emptiness.

From ‘nothingness’ to ‘completeness’. From noise to silence. From ‘takingness’ to ‘givingness’. From ‘togetherness’ to ‘aloneness’. From ‘talking the talk’ to ‘walking the walk’. Long journey. Of living from the inside rather than the outside. Of growing up. Of living in the spiritual realm. of following the spiritual laws. Laws which sepercede all the courts created and ruled by men.

The source of India’s richness and power lay in its ability to function within and from this spiritual realm. From its ability to live in simplicity. A source which is now fast depleting because we are aping the west blindly and getting dis-connected from this huge reservoir of limitless energy and abundance. And therefore we are getiing poorer by the second. And wondering why. This beautiful tradition of doing ‘namaste’, of bowing down to the spirit in each human being in prayer, of greeting with folded hands. Kahan dikhta hai? We have forgotten the art of respecting the spirit in ourselves and in other human beings. Then we want more cops, more laws, more judges, more security, more malls, more freedom without the responsibility. In short ‘more’ of everything. In the realm of the spirit, the ‘lesser’ is better’. Less belongings, less attachments, less cravings, less food leading to a simple yet powerful life. The most powerful feelings can be expressed through the simplest of words, the simplest of gestures.

Simplicity. Dhoonte reh jayoge.

As this year ends, we would like to greet every other human being on this planet Earth with folded hands, in humility and in prayer to the spirit within each one of us. We would like to pray for their well being, for abundance and peace in their lives. For all whom we have harmed and for those who may have harmed us. So here is asking for peace for everyone in our immediate family, For those who have owned us and for those who have dis-owned us, for all who have touched our lives in any small way and for those whose existence is unknown to us. May the bond of humanity within us be strengthened and may we learn to respect each other regardless of caste,creed,color,money,country and looks.

We would like to invite all our ex-team members of GC for making amends. All those who walked out in anger, in desperation. All on whom I shouted and screamed, all whose salary was deducted or not paid and all who have resentments against us. This New Year, please visit us and forgive us. We need all of you to send us positive energy. Each one of you has a played a very important part in our journey and we would like to honor you. Please be with us in mind and spirit.

And to Appu. For being present for her physically but absent emotionally. For exposing her to every possible danger, from being on the roads to being penniless.

“Om Dhyauh Shantir- Antarisksham Shantih,

Shanti Prithvi, Shanti Rapah,

Shanti Rosadayah, Shanti Banaspatayah,

Shantir Vishvedevah,

Shantir Brahma Shantir Sarvam,

Shantih Shanti Reva,

Shantih Sama Sganti Redhi

Om Shantih Shantih Shantih Hari Om”
Unto the heaven be peace, unto the sky and the earth be peace.
Peace be unto the waters; unto the herbs and the trees be peace.
Unto all the gods be peace, unto Brahma and unto all be peace.
And may all be peace.


Just another bill

Just wanting to be quiet. To be silent. It is very tiring to constantly deal with people. With bills. With real life.

GC was invited for campus placement to an engineering college near Ambala. We were very reluctant in the beginning but due to persistent efforts and calls, we decided to go. Vikram was supposed to accompany me but he somehow could not reach on time to join the trip. So I went alone. It was good and it was also sad. Good because it was nice to see our company banners put up in the college and the warm welcome they extended to me. It was sad because I saw so many students who were just completing their B. tech at a huge cost to their parents with dreams in their eyes. I did not have the heart to tell them that most of their dreams could/would crash against the wall of reality. I tried to be honest but their innocence and naivety baffled me. We had the same dreams once. Of making it big, of honesty, of using technology for the benefit of people. And for the college they are just numbers. Every admission means fees and money. And more the number of admissions, more is the money. And nothing else matters. The lives of the students involved is definitely not on the agenda. They pursued us to come for campus placement as every company visit means publicity which in turn means more admissions. Every placement also means media attention and again it means more admissions. In fact the colleges are willing to pay the HR guys for every placement. Talk about education. Some education happening in this country. And then we wonder what is going wrong.

On my return, we had to stop the car to fill gas. The boy filling it made some gestures which were not welcome and I got down to confront him and protect my dignity. Needless to say, there was an arguement and his behaviour became more and more rude and unacceptable. At some point I slapped him and he hit me right back. Forget that he was perhaps twenty years younger to me, forget that he was making uncouth gestures, forget that I was a client at the petrol pump and needed to be treated with respect. The cops came and a complaint was filed. Of course the manager of the petrol pump as well as the other men wanted to just hush up the incident but I insisted on filing a complaint. It just means that a woman, educated or not, with money or not, in a car or not, cannot retaliate. If she does, she will be attacked as the male ego exists in the lowliest of men. The driver, the petrol guy, the grocery man, the vegetable vendor, anyone whose only virtue is that he is a man, can attack any woman if she confronts him and/or refuses to ignore his unacceptable behaviour.

I guess this is our country. And the men still rule. Like it or not. Behind the polite facade is the male ego and a woman dare not challenge it except perhaps if she has some political backing or contacts.

There is some movement between the Ministry of Civil Aviation and AAI. Hopefully, they will come to some agreement on the protocol to be followed for the issue of the NOC. The training in the office continues. We are doing the best we can. Maybe the best is not good enough. Maybe it is. For now.

Beginning of the month. bills. salaries. rents.

Kuchh naya?

Just another bill.

‘The normal normal’

Life has been very difficult in the past few days. It has been diffcult to breathe, let alone live, walk, talk. Write. It is as if we have been constantly under siege.

We have two professionals coming in from Afghanistan for advanced GIS training and we need to arrange for their boarding and lodging as well. This is freaking us out.I mean the bit about ‘boarding and lodging’. We are thinking along the lines of maintaining a small guesthouse on behalf of the company which could host people from outside the NCR region for a few days as and when required. Chandrakant is leaving for Mumbai this week for ground truthing and collection of GCP’s. We would like to wish him best of luck.

It is always diffciult to draw boundaries. To stand up for what we believe in regardless of what the others think. It is always easier to give in. To belong. To go with the crowd. I think this is why our life will always be difficult. On many fronts. For me and for Appu. The cops, the landlords, the un-deserving, the immature , the system will always try and crush our self-respect.
The bankers are also breathing down our backs. The instalment and the interest is being paid every month but now they need more transactions. Maybe we should sell a few grams of cocaine. That is the only way we can make money overnight and give them the transactions or the turnover or the money. Any which way. That is why so many scams happen and then we wonder what the hell is happening and why.

‘Normalcy’. Are you mad? What is normally normal?
Maybe the abnormal is normal. And the sane, more insane.

Still looking for ‘normal’. Keep looking buddy. It does not exist.

‘The normal normal’.

For a new morning

And what a grand finale to a tumultous week!
The salary cheques got cleared yesterday and Om Prakash walked out. When we tried detaining him for an hour or two to hand over and explain the technicalities to Chandan, he called the cops (It seems his mother is in the police department. ‘Maa mujhe bachao’. Just like a Hindi TV serial. I cannot work and I want to run away from my responsibilites) Amazing. We can never get free from the ‘cops’ and the ‘runaway employees’. It is like in the movie ‘The runaway bride’. The bride runs away every time she is brought to the altar. Scared of committment. Scared of intimacy. She runs away. So it is with our employees. The moment we ask them to perform or give an output, they run away. Of course blaming us, the timings, the pressure, me. Anything to look clean. To not have to see their own shortcomings, their own incapabilities.
I think most of us just look for ‘comfy jobs’ with a ‘fat’ pay cheque. Just for ‘time pass’. Like a ‘live-in’ relationship. Thoda problem hua to bhag jao. And blame the other person for the break-up. Very few of us are actually looking for a career, for a way of life, or becoming a winner. There is no ‘work culture’. And therefore everything in GC seems wrong to them. Nothing is wrong in GC but it appears to be because of the warped perceptions of people who walk in. And walk out. Just like that. As if it is a kitty party they have been invited to. Are bhaiya apne ko bhi dekh lo. If you are pointing one finger at us there are at least four pointing at you. Grow up. We get no bond signed. We keep no original certificates. We withhold no money from the salaries. So maybe too much of ‘freedom’ is the real problem. ‘Slavery’ ki adat hai.

OK. So we are free from another potential dangerous virus threat.

Chandan has a lot on his shoulders now as far as the online shop goes. Chandrakant too will need to handle the project and the newsletter. Guys, the shake-ups have not been intentional at all.

Saturday, a cleaning day. And what a cleaning it has been. Of viruses and dirt. The plotter is working again (Oh really?).
The UPS is working ( cause for celebration, however small). And the salaries have been paid (That is why the dude left sweetheart!)

waiting for dawn to break.

For a new morning.

Living part-time

Finally a payment is going to trickle in this week. What a sigh of relief! Rajeev has re-joined after a short break and his only job has been to follow up the clients for payments, long overdue. I must say he has done a good job. We also refused a small software development project being offered by Uptron. The amount being offered was very small. Also the work was for a government body and we know from experience that their specifications are never clear and the time factor is endless. It would have also meant that Ashoks’ time and energy would have been diverted away from what he is currently developing. So we decided to say ‘No’ and that in itself is a huge stand. To be able to say ‘No’. To be able to value our ‘work’ and’ time’ enough to not offer it for ‘peanuts’ is a great stride towards self confidence. To say ‘No’ sometimes takes greater courage than saying ‘yes’. Anyway it has been a ‘luxuy’ and a ‘privilege’ to be able to walk away from ‘work’ which did not seem right for us.

It took three trips to the passport office before they accepted my papers for renewal. And all because there was a court decree of ‘divorce’ in the papers attached. The first time the person at the online application counter reacted to the ‘decree of divorce’ as if it was a court order for some heinous crime committed. He said ‘court ka order hai,theek nahin hai’. So I asked him if it was a judgement for some crime committed. he just nodded his head and asked me to go to the general counter. A polite way of saying,find some other counter to file your application’.On my way back home, I was thinking that maybe ‘being divorced’ is a social crime. And a social crime is bigger in magnitude and consequences than an actual crime. Just like being homosexual or a prostitute is a social crime because it makes you ‘less than’. I wonder ‘less than’ what and who?  Maybe it is ‘less than’ the normally ‘socially acceptable’ people who follow the norms and are therefore ‘harmless’ to society’. And those who cannot or choose different paths are committing ‘social crimes ‘ and are hence looked down upon. There life has to be made miserable by the legal watchdogs and by society. That is why the prostitutes have to offer their services to the cops for free to be able to keep them on their side. Why are we so scared to talk about ‘sex’ and money’? Nothing is for free in this so called society and women are brought up to believe that all they have to offer is beauty and sex and that their most important job is to keep the men in their life happy. In my humble opinion, selling one’s soul or conscience should be a greater crime than selling sex. I think what is considered ‘socially criminal’ needs to be re-examined.

Appu is not being able to deal with my ‘spacing out’ bouts  or my depression. It has not been an easy path for either of us. Just need HP to step in here and do some magic. I observed a small nest in one of our plants in the courtyard outside and it felt so good. I mean, here we are not being able to build a nest for ourselves but at least the birds are getting a chance ! I was trying to peep inside to check if there were eggs but I think it has been abandoned now.The birds (the mother and the kids) have grown up and flown away. It is a nice souvenir in the house. A good omen so to say.

we have been trying to do some out of the box ‘brainstorming’ for the launch of the online shop and it is being suggested that we include some animations and spoof on all of the team members including me. Actually appu has been keen on creating a spoof on me for the blog and hopefully she will be able to do it soon. So we are still bouncing  ideas and hopefully, the online shop will be an interesting adventure with some revenue generation as a bonus in the long run.

Living is such a full time job. With no holidays.But only if one is living a fully human and a fully alive life.

Dying while living would be living part time.And anything ‘part time’ is so ‘un-inspiring’.

To live fully and completely. Awesome.


Get every new post on this blog delivered to your Inbox.

Join other followers: