“I have a dream, a fantasy, to help me cope with anything,
If you see the wonder of a fairytale, you can face the future, even if you fail,
I believe in angels, something good in everything I see,
When I know the time is right for me, I will cross the stream.” Lyrics By ABBA
We used to listen a lot to the songs by ABBA during the days of our graduation. The lyrics of this one still come back to me.
A lot of people have tried to help me along the way. In retrospect, I believe that they were only trying to help themselves. More than helping me, they were helping themselves. All the time trying to oblige me. Very strange. To continue living with ‘respect’ . To keep the company ‘running’. to keep the money ‘flowing’. Quite a task.
There is no air in the environment. But there is so much air in the heads of people. It is difficult to guaze and even more difficult to deal with. What would it take to live a simple life. With no titles. No frills. A lot more than what it takes to live a life of drama, frills and accessories. A fake life so to say.
We are in the process of finalizing the reports for two sites in Mumbai. We will be depicting the shielding benefit using the height data generated by photogrammetry. Hopefully, we will do a good job. Hopefully, we will be able to deliver value for money. The file of unpaid bills is growing bigger by the hour. The month has ended and it is that time of next month again. A time to pay the rents, bank instalments and bills. Over to the Higher Power. On my knees again. I have failed to lead the team. I thought I could change people. I thought I could change the way we work. I cannot change a damn thing. A damn thought in anyone’s head. I cannot change the way we work, talk, think, behave. And all this while I lived under the illusion that maybe I could change something, someone. I am powerless. And the realization and acceptance of this fact is of great relief to me.
The hype and the hoopla of living continue to surprise me. We are still in a jungle I guess. It is the survival of the fittest.
And yet, I have a dream, a fantasy.
‘I have a dream’.