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    Just open your eyes

    The admin takes up 80% of the time. Arranging for water, electricity and gas. The basic utilities. In the office and the house. Only 20% of the time is left to do the actual work. Talk about growth. When the basics are not in place, how can any development happen?There is no water supply in the office. So the private tankers have to be called.  Ditto for the house. So much for the developing country. So much for the hype and hoopla raised by the political parties just before the elections.

    The rejection from one’s own family is hard to digest. I guess that is the curse I have to live with all my life. That has been the greatest challenge, the most debilitating handicap. To top it,  Appu and myself have also been fighting. I do not know the reasons. We are just not ok with each other. So it is very tough to focus on work at the moment. Have not been reading. have not been learning anything new. The entire energy is channelized into somehow running the office and the house and complete the bare minimum activities to keep the show running. Need God to step in here. Loads of unmanageability.

    Everyone is running after money and sex. But we do not talk about it openly in our country. Why can’t we accept that we want the money. Huge amounts of it. We talk about the crimes we can see. But we do not talk about the unseen emotional crimes committed in silence in millions of families in the name of love and respect. A betrayal most heinous. Every time a child is abandoned or abused, every time an infant girl is killed or molested, every time a child is humiliated, every time there is violence in any home, a crime is committed. Hence the rapes, the scams are just the tip of the iceberg. The larger picture is below the surface. Education happens in the families, not in the schools. When will we understand that? When will the mothers stop treating their sons like demi-Gods with freedom and license to rape? Every rape, every scam is a wake up call for us. But we are so used to living in a dream world and so scared of the pain of facing the reality that we refuse to wake up. The deep rooted problems will not go away just because some of us make a lot of hue and cry and create noisy drama.

    Dekh lo yaar. Open your eyes. For once see what is real and what is not. It might be painful but at least the wound will be opened for healing and the pain just might go away. Like this it will keep festering for generations and we will be building a society where money, might and sex will rule.

    Just open your eyes.

    ‘Shor se pare’

    Dharti per reh kar jeena. To be on the earth. Huge task. It is easier to live in a make believe world of ‘larger than life’ pictures. And bloated egos.

    A world where we are self proclaimed ‘Gods’. A world where the ‘God’ resides only in temples and has no business in the matters of running the world. There is utter chaos everwhere. No wonder. Man is trying to be the Boss everywhere. So to resolve the chaos, we are creating more chaos. Well done guys. We are doing great.

    We do not need so many laws and so many people to ensure that the law is followed. We just need one law. That is to be ‘human’. How can we ensure that ‘humanity’ is practiced? In all situations? Under all circumstances? In poverty? In aloneness? When we are being watched and when we are not being watched? When there is money? Even when there is no money?

    Which school, which college, which institution can teach us to be human beings? And if we could just be human, all the other laws could be scrapped to set free a battery of lawyers, advocates, policemen who are not doing their jobs anymore because they have ceased to be human. They have become parts of a machinery which neeeds more and more oil in the form of money to run and is becoming monstrous and out of control. The machinery to force people to behave and become more human is itself a monster and we wish to run away from it.

    Aur laws mat banao bhaiiya. Insaan bana sakte ho?

    Can our politicians be more human?

    Can the cops be more human?

    Can the rest of humanity be more human? All over the world?

    Just so much noise. Nothing in action,or deed,or thought.

    Aur halla machao.

    Kitna shor hai. Charon Taraf. Thoda chup ho jaate hai bhai. Thoda soch lete hain.  Pagalon ki jaise bhaagte ja rahen hain.

    Just running. Just creating noise.

    Shor ke pare bhi to kuch hai.There must be meaning beyond the noise we are creating.

    ‘ Shor se pare’

     

    ‘The last call’

    My father visited us last evening. Me and Appu were happy to see him. It had been a long time. Just that he mentioned that my brothers’ turnover had crossed 8 crores and that my sister was receiving rent from her two houses apart from a very good salary from the government job that she holds. All in all, meaning that compared to them we were like BPL, below poverty line. Theek hai. Its OK. We are alive. We have survived. Should be enough for us.

    Later in the night he shared how he was afraid to visit us. Afraid that we might reject him. It is sad. A father scared of visiting his daughter. What is there to say? I did not know I was so scary. Maybe I have grown some horns or a few thorns here and there.

    I do not know how long is the walk,
    I do not know whether there is any miracle waiting for us at the end,
    Or if the end just lies in Nigambodh Ghat,
    I do not know whether we are in the right direction,
    or whether there is such a thing as right or wrong, light and darkness, truth and lies.

    We walk because that is all we can do,
    We show up for life every day, every moment because the rest is not in our ambit,
    We do the best we can each day,
    knowing that our absence will not cause any major upheaval in the universe,
    That we are only a very miniscule part of the larger whole,
    And hoping that we can contribute in some small way,
    to create meaning for at least one life.

    Before the final departure.

    ‘The last call’.


    From ‘nothingness’ to ‘fullness’

    Could not sleep at all last night. No idea of what is going on in my head. This has been an extended weekend due to Independence day celebrations. Are we truly free? From our own prejudices, limitations, parochial thinking, the need to control, the need to possess, the need to rule at the level of the family or country. I doubt that very much.

    The newsletter for the month of July has been uploaded to the online shop interface. It is definitely much better in terms of design and content than its predecessor. More maps are being planned and designed for the shop, the chief among them being maps depicting metro routes in Delhi and the location of terrorist attacks over the past one year in India. Rajesh and the team have various other ideas and I am sure the shop will remain an adventure for all of us in the times to come.

    I finally got around to getting my eyes checked and of course the power has increased and I will need to get used to wearing glasses most of the time. At least half of the files brought home have been checked and organized. The rest are still lying and I am not in a frame of mind to deal with them. dekh lenge. Of course. As always. Appu is excited about an upcoming trip to IIT Delhi and BITS Pilani for a dance performance and rightly so. She loves dancing and it is an opportunity for her to perform in a larger canvas.

    We are very grateful to the HP (Higher Power) for the experience of having ‘enough’ in our lives. We have what we need for today. And there is faith that we will also have what we need for tommorrow.

    When one has lost all that one fears of losing,
    Only then can ‘fullness’ can be experienced in that state of ‘nothingness’.

    From ‘nothingness’ to ‘fullness’.


    The show must go on

    I lost my shawl (one of the two I have) while taking a walk in the park. I left it on a bench to walk freely and now I am free of the shawl (gareebi me atta geela). Got an SMS ( SMS from banks,clients and now the school has followed, the SMS culture is truly in!) from Appus’ school asking us to ‘ensure that our wards did not miss school’. Now how the hell are we supposed to do that? I mean ‘school’ for most kids is a synonym for a ‘concentration camp’. Now how can we ensure that they do not miss it and reach on time? The kids understand more in tution classes than in school. School is only to be able to get the minimum attendance so as to be able to sit for the board exams. How much more pathetic can it get. I think being a ‘dropout’ is not such a bad idea after all. A ‘dropout’ would indicate a ‘dropout’ from the ‘system’, not necessarily from ‘education’.

    Work is happening ( as in ‘happening’). There is ‘work’. So hopefully, the ‘money’ will follow. Getting ‘respect’ would be another story altogether. ‘Respect’ is fast becoming an ‘unknown word in our lexicon.

    Everyone is eagerly waiting to shift to the new office (which has a larger space). Of course a lot of work is still pending (which also means that a lot of money is still required for the makeover). And we do not wish to stop work here as there are deadlines for the projects we have undertaken.

    Too much time on this earth could be detrimental. It would be nice to just experience life, do what one has to do and leave it to the younger generation to create something better and more worthwhile.

    I have been thinking ( that is what I do most of the time anyway) that most of us live in a dream most of the time (just like in ‘Inception’). We live in a dream created by us for years, maybe generations at the second or third level. And it is a comfortable world. We believe what we wish to believe. The ‘reality’ is too heartbreaking, too painful. So we prefer to stay in a makebelieve world where all is well and nothing changes, day after day. Until a crisis happens to break that comfort level. And we are forced to face reality. And the facade breaks.

    So maybe it is important that the facade remains intact. Of a happy family, of a successful life, of a ‘happening’ political and democratic system, of power, of being in control. The other side would be too scary to show. Just like the slums of a country or the ‘poor’ of a family. Now the poverty could be ‘financial’ or ‘emotional’. It has to be hidden. Behind lies, drugs, clothes,cars.

    The ‘show’ must go on.


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