I think we are nearly done with the presentation for the Mumbai client. Now Chandrakant is exploring the possibilities in depicting the same in 3-d. Ashok is struggling with the development of the software. Everyday he faces new problems and has to look for new solutions. Chandan has been able to collect the maps with constituency boundaries of the states where the assembly elections are scheduled next year. So he has a base to begin work for the special category maps in the online shop. Om Prakash has created a new set of cropped images for the existing maps and is struggling with uploading them on the FTP. The newsletter has taken a backseat as of now as all our energies are being directed towards keeping the various projects afloat. Anyway no news is also good news. Our clients could also take a break from our crisis situations and never ending at that.

Appu is dealing with a lot of stuff alone: emotional upheaval, loneliness, the stress of the financial instability, the powerlessness of all that is going around us. And I am just busy trying to protect the office and the roof over our head. And to keep the electricity, water running and the phone lines alive. It is not enough. It is just the basics. But the basics are taking up so much time and energy.
The car is still being repaired. More time at the garage means a higher bill. Time is directly proportional to money. Scary thought. Dekh lenge. of course. Aur kar bhi kya sakte hain. The rents are also due with a huge truckload of other bills. Good. More weight means more muscles.

The mali has brought some lemon grass for my abundant cups of tea. A very good gift I must say. Much appreciated. Sometimes care and concern comes from quarters least expected. Reminds me of a colleague who came over from France for a short stay with us and as a parting gift, gave me a bagful of coals (I used to burn coal for heating the house in an ‘aginthi’).

Since the car is ‘in process’, Kundan is providing me with the pick and drop service to the office at a very economical cost. So far so good. At least I do not have to walk.

Wishes. Wants. would be’s. could be’s. should be’s.
And the directors’ cut.

‘What is’

Got a call from AAI. You must be joking right? No, of course not. There was a call and there is a remote (extremely remote) possibility of some work (the size of an atom perhaps). So there is hope on the horizon. The excel sheets are all unmanageable. The outgoing is more. the incoming is, well zero. So we are jumping at any opportunity for work. And when we were asked whether we would be able to do it, My answer was, ‘of course’. I mean we always jump first and then face the consequences, specially in the area of work. We never ever say ‘no’. ‘Dekh lenge’. I mean we should be able to ‘crack it’. If we cannot, then we have no business being in the market. So either we ‘crack it’ or we ‘crack up’.

Today being a friday, it was Balmiki’s turn to cook. He prepared a dish of ‘mixed vegetables’ and it was very good. So all of us at GC are becoming self supporting in all areas. To be able to earn, to be able to live alone and to be able to cook. Good going.
We have submitted the required papers to the bank for the renewal of our limit and are waiting with our fingers crossed. As always. Sometimes it appears as if our fingers are perpetually crossed.

The weekend is here but we are working this saturday due to the Dussehra holiday during the week. We only have five working days and to lose even one of them is a loss. Dimpi is enjoying her holiday and Kamakhya is coping with the pressure of the increased workload . He is not being able to work on PHBAAS and the newsletter is also pending.

Sab kuch hai par kuch nahin hai. Kuch nahi hai par sab kuch hai. What an irony. Kya vidambna hai.
Its like a poem ( cannot remember which one) where the poet says:
‘water water everywhere but not a drop to drink’

‘people people everywhere and yet not a soul to connect with’

Architects are finally waking up to the reality that just CAD drawings are not sufficient. That it is important to link them to the surface of the earth for realistic outputs. So we may have them working with us as a team rather than against. Finally, we have a small (really tiny) project in Mumbai. Like an icebreaker. A they say, something is better than nothing.
At least some of the bills (the age old story) will get paid.

Many invitations for all kinds of conferences all over. Have no wish to attend. Fake it to make it all the time. Paste a smile, look and act successful and keep exchanging cards. Any robot could do that. There should be better ways to market one’s work and connect (if shaking hands and eating together can be called connecting).

Appu has been experiencing mood swings and is not going to college today. I wish I knew how to support her better emotionally. Life and living. Entirely different realms.
We are on an even keel now. The accounts are getting under control. PHBAAS and the online shop are in process. Hopefully, the payment gateway issue should be closed by next week.
I have to believe that what we are being able to do on a daily basis is sufficient. If it is the best we can do on a given day, it is alright. There is no need to push ourselves to do harder. We just need to keep doing what we can on an everyday basis. Easier said than done.

We have two boys for housekeeping in the evening shift. They have worked in the Air Force and whenever we pack up in the night, they always sign off by saying ‘Jai Hind’. It feels good. It is strange. There is always a sense of pride in saying and hearing this salutation.

‘Jai Hind’

The next step. The growth chart. Its all hazy. Aaj to sambhal nahin raha. This day.

The payment gateway is still in limbo. Kamakhya has been asked to close it today. Let us see. Patience is the name of the game. Even if the results get announced when you reach Nigambodh Ghat. A lot of work needs to be done on PHBAAS. Specially since the Navi Mumbai airport also needs to be taken into consideration, along with the site elevations for the various grids based on the ASTER DEM contours. Dimpi is going to be working on the generation of a 3D surface today.

All is well. All will be well. I need to repeat this to myself a million times in a day to stay calm. Its alright. Work will happen. Money will come. There is no major catastrophe waiting round the corner. And no more bills for this month. My God, what a relief. (chinta mat karo beta, the next month is just ten days away!).

No news from my father. My mother, of course has been silent for a long time now. She has given up on me. Or let us say that she has given me up. I do not know which statement is more correct. My mother is a ‘Marwari’. From the land of ‘Marwar’ with varying names such as Maru, Marusthali, Marumedini, Marumandala, Marva, Marukantara, and Marudhara meaning a barren,deserted land of ‘death’. Maybe that is why life has been tough for her and for us. Maybe all in our family are from the ‘land of death’. And therefore ‘living’ is so tough for us.

From Marusthali,

The ‘land of death’.

The bankers are ‘pleased’ with our performance ( as long as their instalments are paid !). It is time to renew our working capital limits and for once they have a positive attitude. We had forgotten to give our newsletter to them and so in his next meeting, Anand (the senior accountant) promptly presented a copy to all the senior officers in the bank and it appears that they are ‘mildly’ impressed. At least the newsletter has served some purpose. So it is that we have submitted the required documents to the bank and this time round we are not scared. We are sure that the bank will do its best to support us in our growth (kaunsi growth bhai? of course financial. They have nothing to do with our emotional or spiritual growth!)

Dimpi has done some amazing things with the online shop. Without any formal training, she has been able to make changes in the X-cart, the software behind the online shop and in the home page of our official website. We have formally launched the height map for Mumbai, PHBAAS and needed the heading along with the write-up on our home page and she has been able to upload it alongwith the editing in the graph. well done Dimpi. We presented her with a certificate for the best ‘project team lead’ yesterday.

Yesterday was friday ( a day when a chosen team member does the cooking for the evening) and Kamakhya cooked a special Assamese dish with steamed rice. It was very delicious and a welcome change from our daily routine of dal,chawal,sabzi. Good work Kamakhya. Of course, now Ajay (The HR manager) has introduced a ‘pizza lunch’ which means that every thursday afternoon, pizzas are ordered for lunch. It is Ajay’s turn next friday and he has said that he would require to take some cooking classes from his wife for doing it. He also mentioned that traditionally in his family, the ‘men’ never entered the ‘kitchen’ which was essentially a womans’ domain but that he was breaking this tradition and had no issues in helping his wife. That is extra brownie points for you Ajay. That indicates a lot of open mindedness, tolerance and compassion.

Still waiting for a breakthrough in projects. A new airport is coming up in Navi Mumbai so PHBAAS will need some additional work. Another proposed radar in Mumbai. Will the radars ever leave us in peace?
We are planning to prepare some special maps for the online shop depicting constituency boundaries for the elections for the Lok Sabha and the Rajya Sabha. Narendra Rana has been asked to take U turn and leave the creation of the traditional maps for a later stage. Since we have already advertised for the position of a GIS executive to assist in the online shop, he will have the required additional support.

Most of the bills for this month have been paid. Thank God. Of course there is the next month but that is tommorrow. For today, we are safe. We are not being thrown out of the office or the house and that is good. Very good.

Today is all that matters. This moment.
This breath which differentiates the living from the dead.

A single breath.

We need chairs for the conference room. ‘chairs’ are expensive. In all ways. (after all ‘kursi’ is everything you see). But we will have to do something. Its very cumbersome to keep moving the chairs from the technical section to the conference room as and when visitors come.
Lunch continues to be served in the office. That is quite an achievement. It is very easy to start anything. And very difficult to sustain it.

Appu is going to turn 18 this year. My God. I mean she will become an adult. Huge achievement to sustain on the surface of the earth for 18 years. And to live with me (the mad insane person that I am).

I wish we could say now:
‘ and we worked and lived happily ever after’

But thats only in a fairy tale guys. And valid in the heavens.
And we are on the earth.

So let us stay on the earth and say: ‘we are just fine for now’

I am getting ready mentally for a potential business partner. Maybe that would mean increased growth, distribution of responsibilities, funding.. Maybe I am in the burnout phase. Just too tired most of the time.

The salaries for February and most of the pending bills need to be cleared. Except that I have no idea how.
The bank has refused to increase our limit at all unless we show some collateral, property against which they might consider our request. And ‘property’? You must be joking guys. Where is the property?

So I checked out the process of developing a business plan. And it is a herculean task. And how can you go on and on writing (actually praising) about your concept, services,idea, whatever..
par karna to padega.

VC’s,angel investors, angels.. please visit GC.

I have not contributed an iota in my daughters’ final exams. If at all, I have been whining and have been depressed around her.

I am going insane.

Don’t check me out.