Everything is normal. On the surface. On the face of it. The turmoil almost, always is below the surface. It is like ‘catch me if you can’. Sometimes I wonder, what is more important, humanity or technology? Does being technically advanced mean being less human? No answers. I only have the questions.

The weekend. Means the weekly rations, cleaning, running. Again. Fears in the background. Unknown fears. ‘fear’. The most significant drug in making us run. Run otherwise how will we survive. Maybe the answer lies not in running but in ‘being’ and doing the best we can on an everyday basis. And have faith that we will not be abandoned. That we will be alright. Better than we imagined.

We have finished the calculations for the three sites of Mumbai. Good. The invoices have been raised. I mean it is a meagre amount (we are like an elephant, we need huge amounts to survive) but nevertheless, any amount is welcome. Adds to the kitty. Roz ka kharcha niklega. At least the daily expenses of the office will be met. There are still some glitches to be sorted out in the payment gateway integration for the online shop. Our patience is running out.

Christmas, New year, new dreams, resolutions, hope, faith. Warm words. Sounds good. Yet unless we change, nothing else changes. That is the catch. No change of year, weather, time,work,place can do the magic. The magic has to happen within. That is the toughest part.

Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year to all of us here,

Let the magic begin.

Shiva says the magic is about ‘money’. When ‘money’ comes then ‘everything’ and ‘everyone’ changes. That also implies that when money goes all this so called ‘drama of respect’ will go. That is even more scary.

I wonder if there was an AMC (Annual Maintenance Contract) for ‘relationships’, would it have helped. I mean there is an AMC for all possible kinds of hardware and machines. But ‘relationships’ are more fragile and devastating. What about them? If such an AMC were available, relationships between family members, team members, between countries,economies could be repaired. That could save a lot of money and time and lives. No wars, no fight over property,no disputes to be settled in court,no emotional discord. Maybe this is just wishful thinking. Maybe ‘women’ could do a better job of executing such an ‘AMC’ if it existed.

My father visited and met Appu. Of course, he mentioned that my brother ran a company with a turnover of 6 crores whereas ‘her mother’ (i.e me) had been in the struggle zone for years. Why can’t they just leave us alone. We are OK with the way of life we have chosen. I do not know what is their problem. I am not competing with my brother. I am just trying to do my best. Why is it so difficult for my parents to understand?
The anniversary celebrations are coming nearer and I have no idea whether to go or not. My family always triggers me (negatively) and I am not too keen to be a part of their insanity anymore.

Sometimes the sane are more insane than the insane.

Does it make any sense?

Insanity.

Lets talk about it.

There is a lot of ‘change’ happening around us and any kind of ‘change’ is stressful. There is ‘work’ and it is more than we have handled before. The office needs to be changed and that is also a ‘stress’. But the shift in my opinion has to be in the mind rather than in any physical sense. To move from a ‘cramped space’ and ‘deprivation of thought’ to ‘abundance’ and ‘richness’ and ‘ vast open spaces’ in the head. The ‘head’ is the place where the magic happens. And to take the team along in this transformation is a huge task.

We are cruising along as of now at a steady speed. There are loans and instalments and payments to be made. But for once, the fear is less. There is hope and the winds are favouring us (a clear sky, no fog). Visibility is high and we know the direction in which we are heading (that in itself is a miracle). I think HP’s (Higher Power) radar has detected us finally and we are being looked after and guided towards a safe landing (This is the result of being surrounded by aviation language!).

Dimpi is handling the Nagaur and Uniyara project on her own ( good work Dimpi) and we all have faith in her capabilities. We argue and fight sometimes but that is ok. Its part of the process of executing a live project. Himanshu and Shiva have come to the office on time today (can you believe it?). Hats off guys. Keep it up.

Arvind is back after the survey of Uniyara and with the khasra maps of the villages. Hopefully work will start on this town today.

‘Time’. Desperately looking for time ‘to be’ with myself. To be with Appu. Choosing to be an enterpreneur implies that there is ‘no money’ most of the time. But what about a little ‘time’. Think about it HP. Just trying to negotiate here. ‘Time’ in place of ‘money’. You could consider that. Its definitely worth a thought.

Do not give me that ‘one moment in time’ when the world is thunderously applausing me, just give me one moment in time when I could quietly be with myself and feel peace. Just give me that one moment in time when I can look in my daughters’ eyes and know that I did not fail her, that I did my best.

When I know that I did not stay quiet when I should have spoken up. When I know that I have done my bit to leave this world slightly better and cleaner, When I know that at I have contributed in making at least one more life happier.

Before the baton is passed on to the next gen.

I did not feel like coming to work today but it is like one task at a time, one day at a time. And what needs to be done on a daily basis has to be done. I have not really accomplished much. A few phone calls, a few mails and that is about all. A lot of clutter needs to go from my table. Too many unproductive files.
It will happen I guess. awareness, acceptance,action. Action is the last step you see. I am yet in the awareness stage you see. Although action is the magic word.

So today, I just wish to go home, lie down and rest. Close my eyes and forget that I have loans to re-pay, that we need more projects and the unpaid bills.

For once. For a change.

Surrender to a HP.