An overwhelming response to our need for a team. We have had people applying from various parts of the country and at various stages of their career. To each one of them, I would like to say ‘thank you’. Regardless of whether we could forge a relationship or not. Thank you very much for applying. For showing interest in GC. And to all the Gen-X out there I would like to say, ‘forget about the package’, ‘the deal’. We cannot make a deal of our life. If we can just let go and work and learn, there is no way that the benefits will not grow. But to restrain ourself in a ‘package’, to put a ‘ price tag’ on ourself is the greatest damage we can cause to ourselves. We can sell our ‘services’ but not ‘ourselves’. And when we become a part of a team, we are offering ‘ourselves’ and we have to believe that what we deserve will come to us. In its own way and time. But that requires ‘faith’. And its easier to buy ‘gadgets’, ‘accessories’ than to have ‘faith’.
Yes, it is difficult now to be a part of GC. Over the years, we have become very selective. We want the best. The very best. We want different people. Men and Women with a purpose, with a mission, with a commitment for their lives. We do not want the crowds. All we need is a small team with each member like a laser beam in terms of knowledge and performance. Each one with more than 100 percent output. Each one willing to be forged through fire.
Maybe we will have only one member. Does not matter. Even one can scale the mountains for us. We still want the best.
The hardware in the office needs attention. So do a lot of other things. As always. Nothing new here. The review committee of AAI has still not been finalized, as far as we know. But then we are not liasioning agents and we do not always have the ‘inside information’. A few of our clients are waiting and we do not know what to tell them or what next steps to take. A lot of darkness here.
Omprakash (the admin guy) has been asked to leave. He fell so much in love with
the power of the chair’ that he forgot to plant his feet firmly on the ground. Just wanted the ‘Bossgiri’ without the hardwork to support it. A common problem everywhere. We did not want the virus to spread. ‘Power’ is a very powerful drug. The most lethal one too. ‘Cocaine’ would be nothing before the ‘addiction to power’.
Have no idea how to market the maps on the shop. ‘paise nahin hain’. I mean for aggressive marketing. We have to let ‘time’ take ‘time’. Things will happen at the right time, when they are meant to.
Let ‘time’ take ‘time’.
There are differences within the team and it is extremely painful. What can one do about ego differences, about being right all the time? We sat in the office late in the night, trying to have a dialogue, trying to find a solution to an insurmountable problem. I do not know if we have succeeded. I do not know if we ever will. ‘Greatness’ is very hard to find. Most of us believe in ‘talking’ rather than ‘working’. It was an ego hassle which ultimately led to the partition of India. Ego hassle between Jinnah and Nehru maybe. That is how destructive it is and yet we are not able to let it go. Ladh lete hein. Let us fight and destroy each other. So we are not a team as yet. We are a few individuals trying to work separately, but under the same roof. Very devastating.
Appu is not well and I am not being able to give her the extra love and attention she needs. Amma is also not well so the cooking is up to me today (if the phone remains silent for a while). I wonder if I remember much of it. But again what has to be done has to be done. Maybe it will help bust the stress that has built up over the last few days (it has been months or years now). And just when one is dealing with all these seemingly urgent issues, there are these irritating mails about celebrating new years’ eve on the beaches of Goa. yaar, let us be. Saala yahaan jaan nikal rahi hai with the overload of bills and the disintegration of the team and all the travel agencies can talk about are the lovely time we could have on the beaches. Itna shauk hai to khud chale jaao apna paisa kharch karke. Leave us alone. Everything today is about marketing, marketing, marketing. Even when we are on our deathbed, we might just get a call promising us a safe stay in heaven or hell if we could get ourselves insured!
Nothing big on the horizon, as yet. Fingers crossed. As always. Struggle within and struggle without. The biggest battle is within ourselves. The biggest hurdle and challenge is ‘we’ ourselves. And yet we keep trying to prove to the world outside.
The awards, the accolades, the looking good.
And in the end,
Desperately looking for some goodness somewhere.
Some goodness somewhere.
I am losing it. I shouted at Appu last night. I was tired,exhausted, overworked. She said something and I just snapped. But that is no excuse. There can be no excuse. It was unacceptable behaviour and I need to step back and examine what is going on. I am mad. There is no doubt about it. And I am making everyone around me also mad. Maybe I need to be sent to an asylum. I will have to be careful lest my insanity hurts those closest to me. I have apologized to Appu but apologizing is never enough. If making amends were that easy, there would not be so many hurt people in this world creating more hurt.
My father called to ask about the status of Appu’s admission. I gave him an update but mostly, I feel irritated. I am not very clear as to the reason and source of my discomfort. Maybe it is because I feel it is mostly talk and talking is easy and cheap. However, I do need to remember that he did give some newspaper cuttings related to the ‘ admission guidelines’ and they did help us in locating the various colleges. Thank you papa. Maybe I do not really wish to see his care and concern beneath the lies and abandonment. God, this has always been a tricky area to traverse.
It seems that the entire team is working on the online shop. The energy and creativity levels are extremely high and the environment is infectious in a very positive way. It feels good. We have a core team. And that is the most important thing. The logo is being designed, the template of the interface is under discussion and the maps are also in process. So everything is IP (In Process). Being IP is a good sign. It means we are not dead, as yet. It may also mean that we are in the process of being more alive.
The truth and the untruth. The seer and the seen. The observer and the observed. It is all mixed up for me.
Ghar chal raha hai. Office bhi chal raha hai. Life is also moving at its own pace. I am the only one out of sync here.
There have been many losses along the way. emotional,financial and spiritual. Still taking stock. Still coming to terms with the losses. I just need to take a deep breath and be OK. It is OK now and it will be OK in the times to come. The worst is over. We will never be on the roads again.
The weekend is here. Thankfully. The phone will ring a little less. The rations for the office have to be bought but I guess that is manageable. Appu’s admission to college is the only issue looming large on the horizon. Ho jayega. As everything else.
Ankit was mentioning that he would look for ‘cheap and best’ solutions for the marketing of the online shop. And I told him that the two could never co-exist. What is best, could never come cheap and what came cheap could never be the best. Strange irony but that is how it is.
The distance between the nut and the gut is very small and yet very important. Sometimes an awareness exists in the gut for a long time before it travels to the nut. Hence, it is very important to listen to the gut.
The nut and the gut.
It is always difficult to differentiate between what each one is saying and what is correct.