We are in the midst of some challenging projects. Thoda dar hai. I mean they are not conventional projects ( but when have we followed the conventional path in any area of our life?). A lot of reading, discussions and brainstorming is required. We love it and that is what keeps us going. The fact that there are constantly new challenges and hidden threats at every nook and corner of the path.
There is money to pay the bills for this month. I mean that is great. Because the 7th of every month was a terror for so long. And all the bills (love letters) hold no fear for us anymore. That our lives are abundant today is a miracle beyond our wildest dreams. That we also have ‘respect’ is an added bonus. We actually worked only for earning ‘respect’ and somehow the ‘money’ came along with it. It has reinforced our belief that running after money is of no use at all. It comes to us when we are ready to receive it.
The office is running. The pantry is churning out three meals a day ( not to forget the midnight snacks) and is getting better at providing healthy meals for all ( from the peon to the manager, no discrimnation at all). There is water. There is work. Thank you God. Thank you very much. For everything. The admin is in place. The accounts is in place. The technical team is also strong. Amazing. Aewsome. We are truly blessed.
Appu has chosen to dance. Full time. Daytime. Nighttime. All the time. So be it. This is what comes naturally to her.This is who she is. A dancer. Just took me a lot of time to accept it in the ‘gut’. The ‘nut’ (brain’) accepted it but takes time to travel from the nut to the gut. Wish you all the best Appu. Go follow your dream. Wherever it takes you.
I have been invited by ‘family’. Yes by my brother. It is strange as they have dis-owned me from the past so many years. My father has shared that my mother has willed the entire property in the name of my brother and that he wants to record my statement ‘ that I need no part of it and that I will never go to court to ask for my share’. Aisa bhi hota hai. How many laws can you make? If the men of the family do not wish to give the rightful due to their daughters/sisters, then all the laws are redundant and uselss.
We are working most nights. And attending calls/meetings most days. So we are all very tired. I guess that is the price we have to pay for earning an honest living, for wanting respect more than money. I hit a truck head-on in the early hours of the morning while returning from one such night out. The car got crushed and I have no idea how I got saved miraculously. Guess God has got some work planned for me on this planet Earth which is as yet unfinished. Thanks HP.
A lot is going on in the world outside. Politics, scams,dis-honesty,rapes. And it hurts. Yet, we have come to accept that we are powerless over everything except our selves and our actions. If we can live a good, clean, honest life, if we can each be a leader in our own area, if we can clean up our side of the street, if we can be self supporting and stop being parasites on the world, it will be a good start.
A very good start.
OK. Hold your breath. This one is unbelievable (but when have believable things happened with us?). The payment gateway of the shop has been successfully integrated and it is working fine!! Just when we had given up hope of it ever working fine. Just when we thought that our e-commerce venture would go down the drain, that it would never work with all the technical glitches and the fiasco with the last team( I mean so many have happened, right!). So the shop is technically and financially open and we should be in business soon( I mean not even one of our maps has been sold as yet but what the hell).
Thanks to Hariom and Gagan ( who has recently joined and is a fresher). Thank you guys. For winning this one.
Hariom is also very near to testing the logic to be used in the software for the calculations with reference to the surfaces and the instruments for a single airport. Chandrakant is doing some reverse engineering for a site in Mumbai and he will also need to visit it very soon to collect a few coordinates. Amit has joined us in accounts and OmPrakash in administration. Let us see. Fingers crossed as always. The beginning is good. I have already shouted once (or maybe twice) and they have not quit. Hope is a good thing anyway.
It is so difficult for us to just manage the office ,bills,clients,meals. Wonder how HP manages the earth with its rotation and every miniscule life on it. It would be good to exchange notes with HP. I mean free of cost of course. Why would HP charge us? It is only man who cannot think of anything without charging.
A lot of potential team members are reading the blog. Sone pe suhaga. I mean why would they like to join after knowing all the nitty gritties of GC? A million dollar question. Kya hoga tera kaaliya. I hope it cannot get any worse. That the worst is over ( we have said that many times in the past too).
I don’t think I am writing intelligent stuff. I should pack up. One of the tyres in my car is punctured and that will need changing before I can reach home, hopefully before the time freezed by Appu which is 1:30 pm ( in the night of course). The team packed up early today (which means by 9:30pm) and that is amazing. They have only been able to leave by 11:30pm or 12:30pm in the past few months.
‘Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence,
And I am learning, whatever state I am in,
therein to be content.’ – Helen Keller
Time takes time. Anything worthwhile takes time. Thats the whole deal. To let time take time. To let the important settle and to let the unimportant flow away.
Everything is fairly under control. Chandan is comfortable with the online shop. Ashok and Hariom are moving forward with the software development using open source GIS. Chandrakant is trying to get a grip on the projects and Balmiki is balancing too many hats. Suraj is now exclusively on the job of requesting the clients to release our pending payments (It is the beginning of the month you see and the bills are flowing in!).
The clients came and we had a good meeting yesterday .The bad news is that we cannot do much for their site technically in terms of enhanced height. The good news is that they were happy to at least get their facts straight. So the dependence on liasioning agents can be reduced.
I am very fortunate that Appu is not keen on a very lavish lifestyle. She is happy with the way we live, the bare necessities, a roof, three meals a day and a majorly absent mom. Thank you bebzer.
There is emptiness. ‘Emptiness’ is a good ‘state of being’. I guess.
Then we can choose what to fill it with.
From emptiness to fullnesss.
A long journey. The longest.
There are rats in the office. And here we are trying to look corporate! And clean .That is the breaking news. Kuch to level honi chahiye news ki. But what is to be done. This is the most important icebreaker as the rats can eat the delicate wires of the plotter and the systems costing us huge amounts of money in repair. So we are currently focussing on being rhodent clean. Quite a mission, I must say.
Chandrakant has got a better ‘package’ from another company and he may decide to leave. Ok. At least he has been upfront and honest about it. The ‘packages’ are always a problem. There is always a better package, a better deal somewhere else or so it appears from the other side. Chandan has got a good grip of the online shop and hopefully now we will be able to move forward at a greater speed. The categories have been re-defined, the maps have been re-organized on the FTP and the payment gateway integration is in the testing stage. Itna time lagta hai? of course. Even a baby takes nine months to be born. Patience. Patience is the toughest thing. Ashok and Hariom have been able to achieve some breakthroughs in the web based application and that is commendable.
The office is being cleaned today. We are still serving three meals a day and we have also initiated the opening of bank accounts for all the team members. Also, saturdays are off for the technical team and I think these are some of the pluses that we can boast of apart from our challenging work environment. Still there are not many takers. ‘Work’ is under discussion and hopefully we should be able to close a project soon.
Appu is having her exams and is under stress. I am always under stress. So all is all there is a lot of stress. End of the month. Means the beginning of next month. Means the bills, the rents, the salaries. How quickly the month ends?
Rations, the bills, I cards, proposal, money, bank, installment, meeting, college, online shop, aloneness, being hated.
A street urchin ran up to my car window at a red light. I did not have coins and I gave him a ten rupee note. I moved the car forward by inches to avoid any further encounters with the kids on the streets. It feels uncomfortable. It is too much reality in the face. It tells me where me and my daughter could have been. It tells me of all that needs to be done in this country. And all that we are not being able to do.
As I moved forward, two more kids began pouncing on the glass door. I thought they needed more money so I did not scroll the mirror down. They tried for a long time but I did not budge. It was only when the light turned green that I dicovered a single rose stuck in the window pane. It was only then that I understood the reason for their pouncing on the window pane. All they wanted was to present me with a flower and I kept rejecting them for my own reasons. I felt sad and happy at the same time. Even in such abject poverty, their spirit remained rich for they wanted to give all that they had. How many of us can boast of such richness?
I have behaved very badly with Appu this sunday and she is very sure that I need some counselling and/or psychiatric help to deal with my abandonment issues. Maybe she is right. I may be a borderline personality with no control over my reactions. I will need to think about this. Cannot, should not harm people around me, specially those who love me.
The interface for the online shop is ready and finally it is ready to be launched. Thank God for that. The mess is disappearing, piece by piece. Hopefully on the outside as well as the inside. The jingle to be played on FM has also been recorded and hopefully we should be able to air it on August 8 as planned. That would be a huge achievement. The only achievement in quite some time, I must say.
There has been no water supply in the house since yesterday. Ok, so the tanker has to be called. Its just more stress to deal with. All the bills for this months have been paid. That is quite a relief. Next month is still a week away. dekh lenge. As always. The big stuff has always been unmanageable. So we will tackle the small stuff. The daily routine. The part that is manageable. It is very tempting to compare our progress with that of other people who plan larger and more spectacular things in life but we need to remember that even maintaining the daily routine has been a challenge for us. To keep a roof over our heads, to have an office to work from, to ensure that the meals are prepared in the house and office, to ensure that there is enough money for the bills and that they get paid on time, has been huge for us. The rest will happen when it has to.
What is there to possess? what is there to say ‘mine’ and ‘thine’.
The best in the universe is available for all. The air we breathe, the sky, the earth we walk on, the water.
To God, with love.
There is always a price to pay. sooner or later. I think my father was absent on many critical moments when he should have been present for my mother. And he is now making amends to her by being there even if he would rather not. Even if it means not being available as a father. I don’t know if this makes sense. Most of what happens in life makes no sense at all anyway. You just face the ball as it comes.
Too many gadgets in the house create clutter. They take on a life of their own and need a lot of space and attention. It was cool to keep water in earthen pitchers, to wash clothes by hand, to eat simple meals and wash utensils without a dish washer. We have just complicated our lives. and then we wonder as to how the hell did it get so complicated.
Mostly the right and wrong are not very clear. the difference in life and death is also muddy. How many times do we die without actually dying. And how many times are we re-born without the actual physical birth. chakkar pe chakkar hai.
We did get the work order finally from the real estate client. jaan bachi to lakkhon paaye. Our life has been saved one more time. Its amazing how we keep getting into potentially fatal situations only to be able to wriggle out of them with Gods’ grace. mostly with our dignity intact. we have incurred financial losses in many of them but that would be secondary on the priority list of losses.
There is no admin/HR manager as of now and Rajeev will have to step in again to wear multiple hats. Nothing new here.
Dimpi will have to step into the shoes of Narendra as he is on leave. We keep stepping into each others’ shoes. Very unprofessional I must say (but whoever said that we were professional anyway!)
The multi-tasking is getting to me and I have been screaming and shouting at Appu. I guess I am ‘mentally unstable’ if not ‘mentally sick’. My family may be right about that.
Family, the word meant a lot to me at one time. It was the entire world, before it all fragmented down to me and my daughter.
The ruins of a monument are sometimes more beautiful than the original monument.
Just like a ruined soul is more beautiful to behold than the body which houses it.