Tag: meals

A very good start

We are in the midst of some challenging projects. Thoda dar hai. I mean they are not conventional projects ( but when have we followed the conventional path in any area of our life?).  A lot of reading, discussions and brainstorming is required. We love it and that is what keeps us going. The fact that there are constantly new challenges and hidden threats at every nook and corner of the path.

There is money to pay the bills for this month. I mean that is great. Because the 7th of every month was a terror for so long. And all the bills (love letters) hold no fear for us anymore. That our lives are abundant today is a miracle beyond our wildest dreams. That we also have ‘respect’ is an added bonus. We actually worked only for earning ‘respect’ and somehow the ‘money’ came along with it. It has reinforced our belief that running after money is of no use at all. It comes to us when we are ready to receive it.

The office is running. The pantry is churning out three meals a day ( not to forget the midnight snacks) and is getting better at providing healthy meals for all ( from the peon to the manager, no discrimnation at all). There is water. There is work. Thank you God. Thank you very much. For everything. The admin is in place. The accounts is in place. The technical team is also strong. Amazing. Aewsome. We are truly blessed.

Appu has chosen to dance. Full time. Daytime. Nighttime. All the time. So be it. This is what comes naturally to her.This is who she is. A dancer. Just took me a lot of time to accept it in the ‘gut’. The ‘nut’ (brain’) accepted it but  takes time to travel from the nut to the gut. Wish you all the best Appu. Go follow your dream. Wherever it takes you.

I have been invited by ‘family’. Yes by my brother. It is strange as they have dis-owned me from the past so many years. My father has shared that my mother has willed the entire property in the name of my brother and that he wants to record my statement ‘ that I need no part of it and that I will never go to court to ask for my share’. Aisa bhi hota hai. How many laws can you make? If the men of the family do not wish to give the rightful due to their daughters/sisters, then all the laws are redundant and uselss.

We are working most nights. And attending calls/meetings most days. So we are all very tired. I guess that is the price we have to pay for earning an honest living, for wanting respect more than money. I hit a truck head-on in the early hours of the morning while returning from one such night out. The car got crushed and I have no idea how I got saved miraculously. Guess God has got some work planned for me on this planet Earth which is as yet unfinished. Thanks HP.

A lot is going on in the world outside. Politics, scams,dis-honesty,rapes. And it hurts. Yet, we have come to accept that we are powerless over everything except our selves and our actions. If we can live a good, clean, honest life, if we can each be a leader in our own area, if we can clean up our side of the street, if we can be self supporting and stop being parasites on the world, it will be a good start.

A very good start.


‘To be content’

OK. Hold your breath. This one is unbelievable (but when have believable things happened with us?). The payment gateway of the shop has been successfully integrated and it is working fine!! Just when we had given up hope of it ever working fine. Just when we thought that our e-commerce venture would go down the drain, that it would never work with all the technical glitches and the  fiasco with the last team( I mean so many have happened, right!). So the shop is technically and financially open and we should be in business soon( I mean not even one of our maps has been sold as yet but what the hell).

Thanks to Hariom and Gagan ( who has recently joined and is a fresher). Thank you guys. For winning this one.

Hariom is also very near to testing the logic to be used in the software for the calculations with reference to the surfaces and the instruments for a single airport. Chandrakant is doing some reverse engineering for a site in Mumbai and he will also need to visit it very soon to collect a few coordinates. Amit has joined us in accounts and OmPrakash in administration. Let us see. Fingers crossed as always. The beginning is good. I have already shouted once (or maybe twice) and they have not quit. Hope is a good thing anyway.

It is so difficult for us to just manage the office ,bills,clients,meals. Wonder how HP manages the earth with its rotation and every miniscule life on it. It would be good to exchange notes with HP. I mean free of cost of course. Why would HP charge us? It is only man who cannot think of anything without charging.

A lot of potential team members are reading the blog. Sone pe suhaga. I mean why would they like to join after knowing all the nitty gritties of GC? A million dollar question. Kya hoga tera kaaliya. I hope it cannot get any worse. That the worst is over ( we have said that many times in the past too).

I don’t think I am writing intelligent stuff. I should pack up. One of the tyres in my car is punctured and that will need changing before I can reach home, hopefully before the time freezed by Appu which is 1:30 pm ( in the night of course). The team packed up early today (which means by 9:30pm) and that is amazing. They have only been able to leave by 11:30pm or 12:30pm in the past few  months.

‘Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence,

And I am learning, whatever state I am in,

therein to be content.’ – Helen Keller


I guess I am angry. And hurt. And the freedom provided in GC will need to be curbed. We are not ready for democracy. For freedom. Freedom has a flip side to it which is ‘responsibility’. And most of us want the freedom without the responsibility. We want all the pluses. With no minus at all. But the two always co-exist. There is no company, no person, no area on the surface of earth which will have only one of the two. But in our short sightedness, we cannot see too far. Our visibility levels are below 50m. Maybe we need some CATS procedures to be able to see the entire length of the runway of our life. OK, So we will need to block naukri.com, facebook and personal mails. ‘Blocking’. Something we have never done in a decade. But I guess it is time to change. We will need to lower our bar of expectation for honesty, integrity and commitment. Very saleable words. Very flimsy. Very lying. Kitabon mein hai shayaad. It is in the books maybe. But that is where their existence is confined to. It is nowhere else in real life. ‘Reality’ bahut ho gayi yaar. Its bloody painful.

Chandrakant Pandey has been asked to leave. He was found using the company resources, time and money for searching a better job on naukri.com. He has apologized but it is too late. Too late to restore our faith in anything and anyone. So while we are busy ensuring that the salaries get paid, the heaters work in the office and the meals are served in a clean and hygienic manner, our team is busy looking for better options. What can one say to this? Kya bol sakte hain? Best of luck Chandrakant. Let us see who turns out  to be a winner. The race is not yet over. And while you keep looking for better opportunities and jobs, you will miss what is right on front of you. All the best, nevertheless.

I think animals would be more loyal. Just that we cannot train them to do GIS. What a pity. Yes we are poor. Very poor. As a society, as a nation, as people, as a generation. We have no values, no integrity. And that is the worst form of poverty. The rest does not matter.

Altaf aaya tha. job chahiye. Mar raha hoon. Job de diya. And then what?He harmed us at the first opportunity. Chandan aaya tha. Kuch bhi nahin aata tha. Mauka diya seekhne ka. kaam karne ka. Kya kiya. Peeth piche waar kiya. Hit us behind our backs. Ritesh aaya. Jobless. Unemployed. Just a lot of gas in his ballon of ego. chance diya. Vishwas kiya. what did he do. He masterminded the hacking of our sites and e-mails to damage us and start his own company. Accha nahin kiya guys. You have just harmed the next team at GC, the next generation. In place of creating more freedom for them, you have ensured that the next team will get limited rights and limited opportunities in a limited space. You have killed the faith that we worked so hard at building and maintaining. Well done. Khush raho. Live with the history you have created. Job to mil hi jayega. Repeat your performance again. And blame GC, blame me. Thoda bojh kam ho jayega.

Focussing on building a new team. Again. And again. No idea what to look for. How to judge. Hariom is shortlisting a few candidates. He is the only team member left. Its me and him with the housekeeping staff and the guard to give us company. Good. So far so good.

Back to zero.

Zero, a good number. An auspicious number. Anything can be done with a ‘zero’. There are immense possibilities.


A long journey

Time takes time. Anything worthwhile takes time. Thats the whole deal. To let time take time. To let the important settle and to let the unimportant flow away.

Everything is fairly under control. Chandan is comfortable with the online shop. Ashok and Hariom are moving forward with the software development using open source GIS. Chandrakant is trying to get a grip on the projects and Balmiki is balancing too many hats. Suraj is now exclusively on the job of requesting the clients to release our pending payments (It is the beginning of the month you see and the bills are flowing in!).

The clients came and we had a good meeting yesterday .The bad news is that we cannot do much for their site technically in terms of enhanced height. The good news is that they were happy to at least get their facts straight. So the dependence on liasioning agents can be reduced.

I am very fortunate that Appu is not keen on a very lavish lifestyle. She is happy with the way we live, the bare necessities, a roof, three meals a day and a majorly absent mom. Thank you bebzer.

There is emptiness. ‘Emptiness’ is a good ‘state of being’. I guess.

Then we can choose what to fill it with.
From emptiness to fullnesss.

A long journey. The longest.

To build a good team

As the entire technical team has left without a proper hand over, I was going through all the files and papers to bring some order to the chaos last night. I was surprised and pained to find printouts of a well designed CV of kamakhaya Puri Kushwaha. So apparently, while feigning to work, he was actually drafting his CV and using the company money, resources and time to look for another job. Actually making his biodata when he was supposed to be working. How ethical is that? Is this not stealing? Is this not being a thief? What do the management gurus have to say about this? I mean these guys had freedom, salary on time, lunch and dinner cooked in the office. Still they had to resort to stealing. To running away like spineless men with their bags the moment their salary got cleared. Without a call. Without handing over. Without informing. Maybe there was no work happening in the office for a long time now. Maybe all they were doing was making CV’s and applying for jobs. All of them. So they would delete their internet history before leaving. Just like a thief would remove evidence of his crime. Pathetic. All this when we were breaking our heads over the lack of a project and the filing of the balance sheet and arranging the ‘atta,dal,chawal’ for their meals in the office. I was told earlier that Narendra Kumar Das was masterminding and playing politics within the team but I never believed it. Till now.

Bahut ho gaya. We will need to take away the freedom offered, the sense of ownership provided. Koi ownership nahin hai. If backstabbing is the forte of today’s generation, then let us be prepared for it. I was thinking that I have failed in creating leaders. But then technology can be taught. skills can be taught. But how can one teach values and ethics. Or integrity. These cannot be inculcated overnight. So how and where does one locate honesty and straightforwardness in a CV?

I managed to clean up a lot of files yesterday. Of course a lot of cleaning and managing is still required. The viruses in the form of people have left but the infection remains. It will take some time to disinfect the office and the minds of the remaining members. The server room is also being cleaned today. Stock taking of the pantry is in process and Om Prakash is checking out the files on the systems. We are gearing up for the next phase. Clearing up, cleaning up, growing up.

The silver trophies, the certificates, the food, money on time and on demand. Kuch pharak nahin padta. They want it all. I guess alll the team members want to be the captains of the ship without the responsibilities. I used to think that there was something wrong with us. But no, there is nothing wrong with us (except for the fact that I am a woman). We are just fine. Its the members who cannot cope with the unearned freedom, power and trust given to them on a platter.

Its becoming increasingly rare to find an honest man. An honest team.
Chirag lekar dhoodna padega. In fact, that is the biggest challenge for us today.

To build a good team.

To God, with love

A street urchin ran up to my car window at a red light. I did not have coins and I gave him a ten rupee note. I moved the car forward by inches to avoid any further encounters with the kids on the streets. It feels uncomfortable. It is too much reality in the face. It tells me where me and my daughter could have been. It tells me of all that needs to be done in this country. And all that we are not being able to do.
As I moved forward, two more kids began pouncing on the glass door. I thought they needed more money so I did not scroll the mirror down. They tried for a long time but I did not budge. It was only when the light turned green that I dicovered a single rose stuck in the window pane. It was only then that I understood the reason for their pouncing on the window pane. All they wanted was to present me with a flower and I kept rejecting them for my own reasons. I felt sad and happy at the same time. Even in such abject poverty, their spirit remained rich for they wanted to give all that they had. How many of us can boast of such richness?

I have behaved very badly with Appu this sunday and she is very sure that I need some counselling and/or psychiatric help to deal with my abandonment issues. Maybe she is right. I may be a borderline personality with no control over my reactions. I will need to think about this. Cannot, should not harm people around me, specially those who love me.

The interface for the online shop is ready and finally it is ready to be launched. Thank God for that. The mess is disappearing, piece by piece. Hopefully on the outside as well as the inside. The jingle to be played on FM has also been recorded and hopefully we should be able to air it on August 8 as planned. That would be a huge achievement. The only achievement in quite some time, I must say.

There has been no water supply in the house since yesterday. Ok, so the tanker has to be called. Its just more stress to deal with. All the bills for this months have been paid. That is quite a relief. Next month is still a week away. dekh lenge. As always. The big stuff has always been unmanageable. So we will tackle the small stuff. The daily routine. The part that is manageable. It is very tempting to compare our progress with that of other people who plan larger and more spectacular things in life but we need to remember that even maintaining the daily routine has been a challenge for us. To keep a roof over our heads, to have an office to work from, to ensure that the meals are prepared in the house and office, to ensure that there is enough money for the bills and that they get paid on time, has been huge for us. The rest will happen when it has to.

What is there to possess? what is there to say ‘mine’ and ‘thine’.
The best in the universe is available for all. The air we breathe, the sky, the earth we walk on, the water.

To God, with love.

Ruins of a monument

There is always a price to pay. sooner or later. I think my father was absent on many critical moments when he should have been present for my mother. And he is now making amends to her by being there even if he would rather not. Even if it means not being available as a father. I don’t know if this makes sense. Most of what happens in life makes no sense at all anyway. You just face the ball as it comes.

Too many gadgets in the house create clutter. They take on a life of their own and need a lot of space and attention. It was cool to keep water in earthen pitchers, to wash clothes by hand, to eat simple meals and wash utensils without a dish washer. We have just complicated our lives. and then we wonder as to how the hell did it get so complicated.

Mostly the right and wrong are not very clear. the difference in life and death is also muddy. How many times do we die without actually dying. And how many times are we re-born without the actual physical birth. chakkar pe chakkar hai.

We did get the work order finally from the real estate client. jaan bachi to lakkhon paaye. Our life has been saved one more time. Its amazing how we keep getting into potentially fatal situations only to be able to wriggle out of them with Gods’ grace. mostly with our dignity intact. we have incurred financial losses in many of them but that would be secondary on the priority list of losses.
There is no admin/HR manager as of now and Rajeev will have to step in again to wear multiple hats. Nothing new here.

Dimpi will have to step into the shoes of Narendra as he is on leave. We keep stepping into each others’ shoes. Very unprofessional I must say (but whoever said that we were professional anyway!)
The multi-tasking is getting to me and I have been screaming and shouting at Appu. I guess I am ‘mentally unstable’ if not ‘mentally sick’. My family may be right about that.
Family, the word meant a lot to me at one time. It was the entire world, before it all fragmented down to me and my daughter.

The ruins of a monument are sometimes more beautiful than the original monument.
Just like a ruined soul is more beautiful to behold than the body which houses it.


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