Anne Frank wrote in a diary till she was killed by the Nazis. What else could she do?
I am feeling the same. I can only write. I cannot change the world. I cannot change the brutal, unintelligent, abusive, male, insensitive police force which rules by fear rather than by example, which is an uncontrolled monster in a constant state of hangover from the unlimited powers bestowed on it by the Central Government. A power which is mis-used against the very people for whose protection it has been given. A power which helps them convert a murder into an encounter, a civil case into a criminal case, an innocent victim to an accused. A power which helps them in supporting the rich for favors and a power which helps them use physical and mental violence against the vulnerable. The power has gone to their heads So much so that they expect every common citizen to bow to them in fear and awe like they are the kings of the earth and the sky. No, they behave like God incarnate himself. Even the constable is a Don due to his khakhi vardi. The SHO is no less than the ‘Ravana’ of his Thana ( Lanka).
Mujhe nahin rehna is desh mein. bahar bhi yahi hoga par itna bura nahin lagega. It is Ok when the outsiders belittle you, abuse you or humiliate you. But if it is done by your own people, where you are born, by people who are supposed to protect you, then it is very very painful. How does one fight against one’s own people? It was easier to fight the British. What about the people who are now mis-using power in our own country?
‘With great freedom, comes great responsibility’. But I think most people in powerful chairs forget that. In the heady cocktail of power, money and freedom to do what they want, they forget that.
Sab kuch hai Bharat desh mein, par izzat nahin hai. if you can live without self-respect, this is a great place. But if you need to live with your head held high, man you are in the wrong place. Rabindra Nath tagore, where are you? Can you see now? Does your writing have any meaning now? Bina ‘izzat’ ke ‘development’ ka kya karenge?
And so there is no point in improving our education system at all. Kisi ko chahiye hi nahin bhaiyya. Knowledge ka is desh mein koi kaam nahin hai. Ya toh bureaucrat bano, lal batti ki gadi mein ghumne ke liye, ya to policeman bano, danda marne ke liye, ya phir politician ban jaao, gunde paalne ke liye. All revolving around power and money. Knowledge?? ghanta kaam ayegi zindagi mein. Good to show as added decoration. cosmetic hai. laga lo. ya mat lagao. degree se ya padai se koi pharak nahin padega. Our country is being run by the politicians, the bureacucrats or the police force. All of them male, all of them monsters. white collared or brown collared. Does it make a difference?
Haan nahin rehna hai mujhe aise desh mein. I am not proud of being an Indian anymore. It is a misfortune that I have been born a woman, It is a bigger misfortune that I have been born in India. I feel very ashamed when I have to sit on dharna outside the police station of my own country to get a hearing from the SHO. I feel very ashamed when the SHO stripped me of my dignity and asked a woman constable to throw me out of his room because I was asking him questions. Because I was asking him as to why he picked up four innocent poor labourers from my office for no fault of theirs. Just to create fear? Just to convert a civil matter into a criminal one?
No ordinary citizen is safe in this country. The protectors are the biggest monsters. So we all wish to make money. To protect ourselves from the politicians, the bureaucrats and the police. Because we are all on our own. No one is safe. We just think that by having money we might be able to protect ourselves, when the need arises. Just like the Jews thought in Germany whne Hitler was after them. But not even the richest Jews could protect themselves. They were all killed.
So either I need a ticket to fight the elections with some goondas to protect me or I need to get out of this country before I am raped again.
The last option is to just quit. To just die a dignified death. To choose death rather than a humiliating life in this country. But Euthansia is not legal in this country. Toh suicide karna padega which is illegal. par marne ke baad kya pharak padta hai. The dead body will not know which SHO is humiliating it in which thana.
Enterpreneur banoge? bas ho gaya? Saala apne office mein gundagardi hone se bacha nahin sakte, aur kya kaddyu karoge?
I am ashamed. I have failed miserably. In proetcting myself. In protecting the laborers working in my office.
And the path ahead is just not clear.
Not clear at all.