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Let ‘time’ take ‘time’

Aparna.Burjwal — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 07:57:43 +0000

An overwhelming response to our need for a team. We have had people applying from various parts of the country and at various stages of their career. To each one of them, I would like to say ‘thank you’. Regardless of whether we could forge a relationship or not. Thank you very much for applying. For showing interest in GC. And to all the Gen-X out there I would like to say, ‘forget about the package’, ‘the deal’. We cannot make a deal of our life. If we can just let go and work and learn, there is no way that the benefits will not grow. But to restrain ourself in a ‘package’, to put a ‘ price tag’ on ourself is the greatest damage we can cause to ourselves. We can sell our ‘services’ but not ‘ourselves’. And when we become a part of a team, we are offering ‘ourselves’ and we have to believe that what we deserve will come to us. In its own way and time. But that requires ‘faith’. And its easier to buy ‘gadgets’, ‘accessories’ than to have ‘faith’.

Yes, it is difficult now to be a part of GC. Over the years, we have become very selective. We want the best. The very best. We want different people. Men and Women with a purpose, with a mission, with a commitment for their lives. We do not want the crowds. All we need is a small team with each member like a laser beam in terms of knowledge and performance. Each one with more than 100 percent output. Each one willing to be forged through fire.
Maybe we will have only one member. Does not matter. Even one can scale the mountains for us. We still want the best.

The hardware in the office needs attention. So do a lot of other things. As always. Nothing new here. The review committee of AAI has still not been finalized, as far as we know. But then we are not liasioning agents and we do not always have the ‘inside information’. A few of our clients are waiting and we do not know what to tell them or what next steps to take. A lot of darkness here.

Omprakash (the admin guy) has been asked to leave. He fell so much in love with
the power of the chair’ that he forgot to plant his feet firmly on the ground. Just wanted the ‘Bossgiri’ without the hardwork to support it. A common problem everywhere. We did not want the virus to spread. ‘Power’ is a very powerful drug. The most lethal one too. ‘Cocaine’ would be nothing before the ‘addiction to power’.

Have no idea how to market the maps on the shop. ‘paise nahin hain’. I mean for aggressive marketing. We have to let ‘time’ take ‘time’. Things will happen at the right time, when they are meant to.

Let ‘time’ take ‘time’.

‘To be content’

Aparna.Burjwal — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 19:06:55 +0000

OK. Hold your breath. This one is unbelievable (but when have believable things happened with us?). The payment gateway of the shop has been successfully integrated and it is working fine!! Just when we had given up hope of it ever working fine. Just when we thought that our e-commerce venture would go down the drain, that it would never work with all the technical glitches and the fiasco with the last team( I mean so many have happened, right!). So the shop is technically and financially open and we should be in business soon( I mean not even one of our maps has been sold as yet but what the hell).

Thanks to Hariom and Gagan ( who has recently joined and is a fresher). Thank you guys. For winning this one.

Hariom is also very near to testing the logic to be used in the software for the calculations with reference to the surfaces and the instruments for a single airport. Chandrakant is doing some reverse engineering for a site in Mumbai and he will also need to visit it very soon to collect a few coordinates. Amit has joined us in accounts and OmPrakash in administration. Let us see. Fingers crossed as always. The beginning is good. I have already shouted once (or maybe twice) and they have not quit. Hope is a good thing anyway.

It is so difficult for us to just manage the office ,bills,clients,meals. Wonder how HP manages the earth with its rotation and every miniscule life on it. It would be good to exchange notes with HP. I mean free of cost of course. Why would HP charge us? It is only man who cannot think of anything without charging.

A lot of potential team members are reading the blog. Sone pe suhaga. I mean why would they like to join after knowing all the nitty gritties of GC? A million dollar question. Kya hoga tera kaaliya. I hope it cannot get any worse. That the worst is over ( we have said that many times in the past too).

I don’t think I am writing intelligent stuff. I should pack up. One of the tyres in my car is punctured and that will need changing before I can reach home, hopefully before the time freezed by Appu which is 1:30 pm ( in the night of course). The team packed up early today (which means by 9:30pm) and that is amazing. They have only been able to leave by 11:30pm or 12:30pm in the past few months.

‘Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence,

And I am learning, whatever state I am in,

therein to be content.’ – Helen Keller

‘Gratitude’

Aparna.Burjwal — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 07:31:46 +0000

Chandrakant has apologized and promised to not look for jobs in the office on naukri.com. This has been an achievement. To get people back. To let a relationship develop with all the mistakes and human follies. He has been welcomed back in the fold and since our bond has now been forged with fire, I am hoping that it will last for a longer time. The calculations done by us for a site in Hyderabad have been accepted for the approval of heights and that is a feather in a our cap. Good work by us. Hopefully, we will get more work by reference than by asking.

We do have an accountant now. And someone to manage the front desk. So we are gradually getting back in shape. Appu is getting ready for her dance performance in Siri Fort on Sunday. So there is a breather. A break from the constant stress so to say. Thank you HP (Higher Power). Thank you Universe.

Thank you for the food on our table, the roof over our head,

the fact that there is an office to go to, a maid to help,

Thank you for all that you have given to us, for all that you have not given to us

And for all that you have given and taken away.

‘Gratitude’.

Jaane bhi do yaaron

Aparna.Burjwal — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 19:56:54 +0000

No help in the house, No team in the office,

The utensils, the filling of water, mopping the floors, cooking of dinner by Appu and me,

Appu rushing to college between calls for interviews from prospective candidates,

Me running to the office with undone tasks,loss of the team, bills,payments,clients,vegetables, unrepaired heater,curd in my head.

Trying to pray, to look for a modicum of faith to hang on to, to look for something to look forward to.

If time could stop, if tears could flow, if the trust could return,

If only. Only if.

If life cannot be witnessed, be a witness to death. Be a witness to something.

Nothing, Nothingness.

Kuch pharak nahin padta,

Schemes, strategies, planning, aims, objectives. Can you hear the Gods laughing?

Jaane bhi do yaaron.

Re-thinking

Aparna.Burjwal — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 08:41:01 +0000

In the course of shifting our website hosting, the passwords of our control panel, e-mail id’s and related online shop accounts were handed over to Ritesh Mehra, Chandan and Altaf. Ritesh with an IIT background, Ritesh with a background of hacking huge amounts of data from the servers of IIT Mumbai and Chandan with connections for getting fake certificates made, for converting fake to real. We were overlooking all of this to give them a fair chance. And they used this fair chance to discuss the possibility of opening their own company and hacked our website and e-mail accounts. We had no access to the online shop, to our corporate website, to the e-mails starting monday afternoon. Everything was hijacked and we were disabled for more than 24 hours causing us huge losses in terms of work, money and reputation. We are stumped as always. Appu and I had to struggle an entire night to get the controls back and to restore the deleted files on the websites. So much for trust and faith. So much for team building. I wish I could punch all three of them in the face.

We are back on track. On my knees. Thank you God. Everytime someone tries to destroy us, we have been saved. In the nick of time. By a hairs’ breadth. Its just the number of times that we have been sabotaged. The number of times we have scrambled for safety. And the number of times we have had to protect ourselves. Very tiring.

We are recruiting but this time round it is going to be tough getting into GC. All the references will be cross checked. We will need a letter of guarantee from a reference whose background will also be checked. The communication skills will also be judged. It is difficult to continue checking the spelling mistakes of everyone in day to day e-mails or letters. No, we are not interested in teaching anymore. We have done our bit. We have trained a lot of people who have used GC as a platform to then get the so called ‘better opportunities’, ‘better jobs’. Not anymore. We intend to take only capable and honest people through a stringent recruitment process which is being re-defined now.

Appu cried a lot yesterday night. I am invariably spending the night in the office and she sits up waiting for me. She is tired of the constant tantrums and crisis situation in GC. I guess so am I. I am truly sorry bebzer. I have no idea how to balance things anymore. Amma has been asked to leave. She was creating a lot of unmanageability and chaos in the house. At least need some peace in the house, if not in the office.

I think that as a society, although the technology quotient is increasing, the human value quotient is decreasing and that is creating and will create huge social, emotional and financial problems for us as a nation.

Time for some re-thinking.

Re-thinking.

To not quit

Aparna.Burjwal — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 08:43:51 +0000

We are getting back on track, slowly but surely. The websites have been shifted and are working but our e mails are not working properly yet and we are still checking out their new settings and configuration. Appu got the weekly rations for the house and the office yesterday and that took a lot of load off me( Thank you bebzer). I had a relaxed afternoon. I went for a long walk and later me and Appu watched a movie at home. The mails were not being received on my Blackberry and there were very few work calls so it was comparatively a very peaceful day. I have been worried about delayed payments but then a certain amount of worry has become a constant backdrop of our lives.

Balmiki has been asked to leave. He had become too cool and relaxed. No fire in the belly. To get something done inspite and despite of. To win. Everyone cannot be a racehorse. And yet that is what we need. Horses than can win the race. And can run faster than others. We are still looking.

We lost a case of shielding for a Mumbai client. By two seconds. And we are still looking at where we fell. Where we slipped. And it all zeroes down to a difference of two seconds. In the conversion of the coordinates from WGS 84 to Everest and vice versa. And the error in picking up the coordinates from a handheld GPS. And the combined error has ensured that we are off by two seconds from the shielding plane for the proposed site. The hand drafted map where the plotting is done is also not 100% accurate but then when has accuracy been a forte for us. As a country, all we are ever bothered about is survival. ‘To survive’ is the theme of our lives. To save out lives, our jobs and our reputations. To go beyond survival is exteremly difficult for us as a nation. To achieve our own potential is unthinkable. ‘kaam chalao’ is our mission in most areas.

Dear Dad, I miss you. I want to believe that you loved me and still do. Except that your love lacked the courage to stand up for me or be there for me when I needed you. I do love you and yet I do not wish to be treated with dis-respect any more. So I choose to be away from all of you. It has been easy for you guys to just discard me from the family. To claim that I am not worthy of your love or your time or the efforts required to build bridges with me. I need to accept that with grace and dignity.

And yet we need to run our race.

And not quit. Our only mission as of now.

To not quit.

In Process

Aparna.Burjwal — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 07:17:38 +0000

Breaking news. The office rent has been increased by 20%. What a grand closing to 2011! Happy New year guys. Could you please earn some more revenue for the company? And do not spend money on partying or on girlfriends. I do not know about ‘saving the planet or the earth’ but do ‘save our lives’ The office ‘kharcha’ (expenditure) has increased ( And I mean exponentially, not even in a linear path).
One has to pay for everything in this life. Man, how I am realizing the truth of this statement. Yes, of course. One has to pay for every deed, good or bad, done or undone, every tea,every coffee, every call, every text message,every project,every payment, every word spoken in anger, water, roof,electricity,petrol,vehicle, living ,dying till we get some space in Nigambodh ghat. and I guess we have to pay for that also. So bottomline is that we have to keep generating the moolah. For better or for worse. In good times or bad. Keep earning and paying.

We need a U turn. A turning point. In the company and in our lives. Look up to the sky buddy. The sky might have some answers. And at least looking at the sky is not taxable ( up to now that is). If the government realized that the common man was getting some fringe benefits by looking at the sky, I am sure there would be a ‘Sky tax’ or ‘God support tax’ applied to the activity. So till then, we can look up and seek support from HP.

Ritesh has joined the team. kab tak rukega? The most common and the most powerful question. And that also in GC ( a madhouse with a mad woman). After all he is an IIT’an and GC would be too small a canvas for his huge vision. Ok, let us use the common cliche, ‘it is after all a growing company’ (kabse grow kar rahi hai bhai, kitne saal ya decades lagenge?) Like we are a ‘developing company’ in a ‘developing country’. We are ‘IP’. I mean ‘In Process’. That is a good state of being. To be in IP. We are not like ‘finished’ (as if that is a huge acheivement).

The ice tray of the fridge has been replaced. The gas cylinder has been bought in black (the legal one has not yet arrived although we got a message after fifteen days of booking that it is on its way, in IP that is). There is water in the house. And milk. And vegetables. And a few fruits. My God, we are rich. And let me not forget the plum cake that Appu bought on the eve of Christmas. Also the lunch and dinner being served in the office. Aur kya chahiye. Gratitude. Dude, practice some gratitude. It could have been worse ( I mean let us forget about the bills for a moment).

Truly, there is a lot to be grateful for. Despite and inspite of everything. Even the fact that we are in IP.

For being a work in progress.

In process.

‘The next breath’

Aparna.Burjwal — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 07:27:40 +0000

The rations for the office have been bought and delivered. Of course, Appu got hurt in the process as I got caught in a traffic jam and could not reach home on time to take her for her dance performance. Maybe she has made more sacrifices for GC than me. Staying alone for entire nights while I have been in office, attending her dance workshops alone, living and surviving alone. I am not in her shoes but it must have been tough. It still is.

Despite the pending bills, bought some lilies and gladiolus for the house and office respectively. A small way of pampering ourselves. To bring some cheer in both the places. We had Hanuman Prasad join yesterday, only to leave within 24 hours. Very difficult to survive in GC. Only the best can stay. Good for us. We only want the best. We do not want the whiff whaff. People who are just flirting with their lives and careers.

Hariom is becoming more and more confident with each passing day. And our vision of achieving a breakthrough with this open source, web based GIS application is becoming more and more real. ‘Real’ is good. Better than living in a ‘dream’. We are also on the verge of finishing the testing for the payment gateway integration for the online shop (Kuch naya batao, this is like stale news!). And we have no other project in our line of sight as yet. Unless we bid in ‘tenders’. And ‘tenders’ is a huge no no. They have never worked for us. With commissions or without them. We are not a ‘tender compatible’ company so to say. But do we have a ‘choice’. We desperately want to believe that we do have, at least a few. Nothing wrong in believing, hoping, wishing. The staple diet for many of us.

AAI has dissolved the Appellate Committee which assessed the projects for enhanced height approval. So there is no work for us in that area either. Need a few miracles here.Bottomline is that we need work. Topline is that we wish to work for three days in a week (maybe not even that) and have enough money to take care of our basic needs for an infinite period of time.

‘I wish’. ‘Missingness’. ‘Aloneness’. ‘Tasking’. ‘Multitasking’. ‘next steps’. ‘next bill’.'this moment’. ‘next moment’. ‘next breath’.

Just focus.

On the next breath.

Lease for 24 hours

Aparna.Burjwal — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 18:10:54 +0000

End of the day. Very hectic. Two meetings ( as if a lot is achieved in meetings), one conference call and in the end a discussion with the team. I hope we have achieved the ‘aaj ki dhyadi’ today. Labourers that we are in the realm of GIS. We have to earn our daily bread. The traffic, the noise, the road rage. The intolerance of people. The lies. The manipulations. That is where the real tiredness lies. Not in the actual work.

We are nearly done with the pre-feasibility reports of a few sites. Chandan has uploaded the UP district maps in hindi along with their scale, description and price. Waiting for the first sale to happen on the online shop. Hariom is finding his feet and has inched forward in the application we are developing using open source GIS. That is a huge breakthrough. Just the fact that we are moving forward and are not stuck, at least technically. Emotionally and financially, there are still miles to cover.

We have found a decent cook for the office and everyone is happy about the quality of food being served (Thank God!). The rats are being taken care of and the office is clean. Quite an achievement.

We are approaching the end of the month (Do I need a reminder?). And that means the beginning of next month. Need I say anymore. The excel sheet is damn scary. The outgoing being much higher than the incoming (which is a trickle). Time to hand over. Surrender. Time to just get on my knees and ask for a miracle. Again (How many times can God do a miracle for us?).
There are successful people all around. Seems like they have it all. But cannot compare their outsides with our insides. They have their race to run and we have ours. There is no competition at all. Hence no need for feeling resentful. We are where we are supposed to be. period. Take it or leave it.

I am glad the day is over for today. Have not been feeling too well since morning. Appu also needs a visit to the doctor for her toe which has been hurting since she went to Pune for her performance. Tommorrow. Tommorrow is always another day.

Another lease for 24 hours.

24 hours.

‘Gratitude’

Aparna.Burjwal — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 10:22:16 +0000

Irreversible path. Some paths are irreversible. There is no U turn. Sometimes it seems as if we have chosen such a path. There is no going back. No reverse gear possible.
We have had to let go of Ashok. Very painful decision. Yet one that had to be taken. No comments. He did a good job while he was with us. That is all. We just outgrew each other. He became too big for us or let us say that we became too small for him.

Hariom has a tough path ahead, that is if he wishes to walk it. So has Chandan and Chandrakant. Nothing new. It has always been a tough path in GC.
Work. There is work. That is an ‘Aha’ moment for us. We are gainfully employed. So hopefully the daily oxygen will not be a problem. But the mind is so strange. I mean we were desperate for work. Now when there is work, it seems it is not sufficient to fill the emptiness within. Now God is saying ‘take the work’. And now the mind or the heart is looking for something else already. Strange. Very strange.

Appu will be back tommorrow. I hope she has had a good time. She hardly ever ventures out of the house except for her classes, leave alone the town.
The rations for the house and the office were bought yesterday. Same routine. Sometimes it is very monotonous. Actually anything worthwhile is mostly repetitive and boring. And all that is meaningless is fast, dramatic and adventurous.

Just need to count the things and people we are grateful for in our life. The food on the table, the roof over our heads, an office to go to, work to do, Appu.

Thank you HP. For all that we have, for all that we do not have and for all that has been given and taken away from us.

‘Gratitude’

Damn tough to feel it.