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Tag: promises

‘Take it or leave it’

Long time.  Difficult to take time out for the best things in life. Like spending time with Appu, a walk in the park, writing, listening to music, connecting with a Higher Power. It is easier to lose oneself in this mad frenzied race for name, fame, money. And we have been working nights and days. Continuously. Without a break.

A lot has happened. We have shifted office. After umpteen iterations of re-doing the same interior  work to achieve a minimum level of acceptability. It is a big and lovely office.Sometimes when I work alone in the night, I think ‘ ki hamari toh itni aukat nahin hai’. It is a dream which has come true. We have a good working space.  The team has walked out once again. Its easier to take the exit route under pressure. Its easier to walk away when there are deadlines and committments to keep. Very few men and women who are truly professionals. Who refuse to quit when the going gets tough.

My parents still think that I am sleeping around to make money. That a few men are funding me, since I am incapable of standing on my own two feet, at least in their eyes. I guess I will have to die with this dis-respect. The biggest crimes, the worst dis-respect always begins from home. The dis-respect from the world is always very small compared to the rejection from people who are supposed to care for us and do not or cannot.

Appu has decided to live on her own to get some focus on her life, away from me, away from GC. Very courageous act. Very lonely. For both of us. She needs space to grow up. But it is difficult to let go of one’s child. Difficult to accept that they need permission to live their own life according to their choices and face the consequences.

The elections, the netagiri, the speeches, the empty promises, the comparisons, the hope and the shattering of expectations again and again. It is very difficult to accept the truth. That no one can change our lives. We have to be our own messiah. Our own saviours. No one can bring about a miracle in our lives except ourselves and a Higher Power. People can support us. But no one can change our life for us. That responsibility is solely ours.

But it is easier to expect someone else to take responsibility for us. So we keep looking for a leader. For a saviour. Without becoming one ourself. This is a dream. An illusion. A mirage.

There is only one reality. Only one path. Only one choice.

To be a leader. In our own life. Because we can only choose the right leader when we become a leader ourselves.

Take it or leave it.

 

 

 

 

‘The Poverty’

Could not win a case for a client at AAI.  The site lies in the Approach funnel and that overshadows all other justifications for increased height. The client got very upset and refused to talk to us after the presentation. It is difficult to lose a match and accept it gracefully. A thorough inventory has revealed that we did our best and that is enough. Cannot please everybody, I guess. Two other clients are following up with AAI on their own. Although their project has been cleared, they do not believe our words and are sending different people to discover the facts. The truth is only one. There are versions of it but the absolute truth is the same. Maybe they think that a team led by a woman cannot really carry a project through to successful closure.

The new office space has been finalized and the fabrication and interior work has to begin. Huge cost and time involved. It is scary. But our lease has expired and we need to move out fast. So we are taking necessary steps inspite and despite of our fears. Appu has taken it upon herself to get the office interiors designed and constructed. It is during these times that we dream of having our own space. But ‘thinking’ is all we can do. Where is the ‘money’ sweetheart? And pots of money to buy one square feet of land in NCR region. Kahaan se aayega?

We need a good technical team ( What’s new?). We need team members with an attitude of quality ( kabse dhoond rahen hain?). We are evergreen on the naukri site now with contiuous interviews. Do we really wish to win in this country? Do we really need a career or are looking for any job which can provide us with money to survive.

The election fever has begun. The poor are being bought by a ‘bottle of daroo’, ‘ garib ki rasoi’ meaning food for the day ( will it last for a lifetime?), promises, money and what have you. The poor, the marginalized, the guys who do not get any attention at all from the society suddenly get prominence. Jiski daroo, uske liye vote. Ek baar khana khila dene se jeevan kat jaayega kya? We are really poor. The biggest beggars are in the biggest chairs of the country. The beggar on the road is a king compared to them. Of course, we are all to blame. It will take too much effort to go out there and change the destructive pattern. Jaan bhi ja sakti hai. So it is easier to let things be the way they are. let the dysfunctionalities continue year after year, generation after generation.

My family did not invite me for ‘Rakshabandhan’. I guess they are complete without me. They cut me out long ago. And of course the happy family pictures of their get together have been posted all over facebook. Face book has become the commercial billboard for displaying sacrosanct emotions such as love, affection and beauty. Emotions which can only be experienced, not displayed.  Does it hurt? Of course. Like hell.

At some point we will have to understand that in order to be happy, everyone around us needs to be happy. In order to experience abundance and peace, everyone around us needs to experience it first.

That is the catch we fail to grasp.

That is the irony.

And that is the poverty.

 

 

 

‘Sanyaas’

Injustice done anywhere, anytime, of any kind and whether committed intentionally or unintentionally, whether seen or unseen, will always have repercussions, consequences. We see the ‘results’, ‘consequences’ in the form of various crimes committed. All crimes, whether emotional, physical or financial have their roots in injustice done by someone, somewhere encapsulating some moment of history in some part of geography. The injustices committed in families and society structures and countries spill over into the next generations. Till justice is done. The cycle contiunes. And since we cannot understand the entire process, we just jail the people who look like the perpetrators of heinous crimes who in reality are also victims of the injustices committed long ago.

But facing reality would mean doing a surgery which would be very painful. So take a short cut. Put a band aid on the cancer inside and hope to gather some votes before the cancer is too visible to all. And make convincing false promises. Shout that we will take away the ‘woes’ of the nation’. If it is the truth, why are we shouting from the rooftops bhaiyya? Truth is very soft, very clear, very visible. Aur kaam itna hai desh theek karne ka to ghar ghar jaane ka, pamphlet chhapwane ka time kaise mil raha hai? If we really work, then there is no time to even breathe. Where will we get the time to advertise ourselves? Maybe that is why the real workers, the true leaders stay away from politics. Just like production and marketing are two different realms, real work and collecting votes are entirely diferent scenarios. Politics is about ‘collecting votes’. In the meanest possible way. Distribute alcohol, false hopes, empty promises, manipulate the basest of emotions of the masses, talk of a casteless society all the time fervently hoping that we capture the various caste based vote banks. It would have been hilarious if it was not so pathetic.

We cannot be a rich nation if our thinking is poor. if we contiuously look for excuses to do low quality jobs. If we continue to dis-respect time. Continue to use our right to freedom only for producing kids. Continue to live the fake life that we have been living over the past few decades.

We can be poor but there is absolutely no reason to continue being poor. As a nation we are still slaves looking for our lords to rule over us, looking for security, comfort, some reason to not have to earn what we deserve.

Mr. Faizi who is from Afghanistan and is training with us lost his cousin yesterday. A gun was pointed to his head and he was shot. Just like that. By the Talibans. For no mistake. Earlier all this violence was happening in some part of the world. And we felt safe. Now with Mr. Faizi with us, it is too close, too disturbing. According to him, the cheapest thing in Afghanistan is ‘killing’. And the most lucrative business is ‘dealing in bombs’. Even the children are used to bombs exploding anytime,anywhere. What a world? What the hell are we doing? In fact the poor kids wait for the explosion to subside, in case they survive and pick up parts of the exploded bomb which can be re-sold. And all this has been going on in Afghanistan for more than 30 years. Kya bachega? And yet Mr. Faizi is here to learn, to educate himself. Hope against hopes. Hats off to him. We have everything and yet we just keep cribbing and whining.

The US wants a military base in Afghanistan. The Taliban wants a strict muslim regime to be followed. Everyone wants something for themselves. The people of Afghnaistan could go to hell. And we keep celebrating. Kya humanity hai. We are worse than animals. just very well dressed in branded clothes and SUV’s.

Office chal raha hai. Its easy to follow a routine and hide behind it. dekh lo yaar. Koshish to kar hi rahein hain. But the more we experience life and the more we understand, the more painful it gets. We are just beginning to understand why ‘sanyaas’, is the last defined stage in our scriptures. After experiencing the futility of everything, after seeing all the shit around, we are bound to turn to the spiritual realm for solace.

Sounds very appealing.

‘Sanyaas’.


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