Tag: win

The story

And we lived happily ever after. Aisa hota hai kya? I mean where and in which time frame. Tell me about it. In movies my dear. Also in books, sometimes.

We have been invited for conducting campus interviews by BHU (Benaras Hindu University). No, I do not think that it is by fluke ( Really?)or that it is a mistake (OK). I am sure that they have done their homework and they are interested in placing their students with us. Or maybe it is just to provide placement opprtunities to their students. Whatever it is, we are going and hoping that we can build a good team soon.

Ashok is back. Chandan is back. And maybe this is all we have earned. That some of the people who leave are willing and keen to come back. This re-earning of people is our hidden turnover. We are glad. Welcome back guys and let us get going. The reasons for their leaving and coming back do not really matter anymore. What matters is that they are back in the team and willing to win the match (hopefully).

I am learning how to understand the balance sheet. You should have learnt this long ago buddy. Still not making too much sense. But the numbers tell a story and I need to understand what that story is.

Everything is a story. Kya kya samjhoge.

The story within the story. Or the story of the story.

The story.

‘Worse than losing’

We are broke. Thanks to the misuse of a blank cheque by our ex-accountant, Suraj Sinha. The cheque was given to him for cancellation. Of course he did not cancel it. He kept it for malafide use in the future. And that future is now. He also blocked the pc he was using with a password which he refused to reveal. It was for this reason that his salary of a fortnight was withheld. And he found this way to to debilitate the company. He took what he though was due to him and more. In the way of a conman. Incidentally, he also had the online passwords to be able to check the balances and to be able to generate statement of accounts. He has made very good use of this information.

So we are in a beg,borrrow,steal stage. But we will not die. I mean we are not dead yet. But we just might.

I don’t think we can be a part of the system. So the corollary to this is that we can never ever be successful within the system and by its definitions. We have to learn to live with this reality. We will always be outcasts. Business is Politics. And politics is business. And in between the two are just survivors. Still wondering what category we belong in.

Aur hoga nahin. I mean you know what I mean. The hacking, the conning, the forgery, the lies, the manipulation, the mis-trust. Difficult to work with this. To win. And to have no meaning to that winning.

When to win is worse than losing.

‘worse than losing’

‘A new choregraphy’

Chairman, PACT Lucknow has sent a backdated letter to our bankers. Very strange.  How can a government body send backdated letters? It is backdated because our postal department is not so bad that a letter would take more than three months to travel from Lucknow to Delhi.  Misuse of power. Misuse of the government stamp. It has taken PACT one year to realize that the work submitted by us is not alright.? Pray, what were they doing for a year? What were they doing when our team sat in their office for a week for trouble shooting, rectifying and closing any loose ends? It is beyond me. Now again another round of letters. A sheer waste of our time and energy.

On behalf of Global Coordinates, I would like to thank Adam and Paul of webschematic for doing a stupendous job of creating our site and hosting it for so many years. We would also like to wish them great success in their chosen paths. Thank you Adam. And thank you Paul for the smooth handover of the sites without major hiccups and for being there for us unconditionally.

Chandan, Ritesh and Altaf have left. They could not take the pressure of gettting the online shop up and moving anymore. They have quit midway. Altaf anyway came in after desperate attempts to get a job. After having one, he could not value it. Ritesh had just begun moving on the learning curve. Maybe the effort required to be a winner was too much for him (notwithstanding his IIT tag). All the best guys. Maybe freedom and responsibility is not your cup of tea.

Queries for training. For forming a consortium for a tender. Good signs. But we need more than just signs. More than just opportunities. We need to win the race.

Theree steps forward. Two steps backward. Or maybe four.

The same dance. One two three. One two three.

Time to try a new choreography.

Still on the battlefield

Narendra Kumar Das has left GC. A huge loss. One step backwards for GC. But maybe it was time for him to check out new horizons, new associations. He has contributed to GC for a very long time and all of us wish him all the very best.

We collected a few copies of the quarterly in-house journal of CREDAI where a write-up on our work has been published and it felt very good. After so many years our work is being recognized and there is a feeling of pride and joy in the team. Anand (our senior accountant) has even kept a copy for himself. OK, a pat on our back would be well deserved.
The job for the integration of the payment gateway has been given to the X-Cart guys. Found no other suitable company to handle it. So now the online shop will be able to handle payments in Indian rupees as well as US Dollars. Another step forward.

Still looking for the constituency maps. From the Election Commissioners’ office to the Registrar General of India’s office, no clue till date. Or maybe we are not desperate enough, as of now.
More interviews, tests, shortlisting. Tough job. To find the right guy for the right job. Either one finds a right guy for the wrong job or the wrong guy for the right job. Bahut complicated hai.

No water supply in the house. ‘Money’ and ‘water’, from the right sources are difficult to find. Of course there are ‘other channels’ but then they are not ‘ authenticated’ or ‘straight’ channels. And anything ‘straight’ is difficult. A straight path, a straight man. Very rare.

‘Darr’. ‘fear’, has been a very large part of our life. Sometimes there is fear in making a call to a client or to the landlord or to the banker. There is fear in receiving bills. In facing the next day. Or the next hour. The ‘what if’s’.
What if no project comes our way. What if the rent is not paid. What if the salaries are not dispersed. What if there is no money for petrol. The never ending ‘what ifs’. Need a large dose of faith here. We are OK. And We will be OK. Just breathe.

Appu is upset with me. And yet she has designed T-shirts with the GC logo, for giving away as gifts, on the eve of Diwali. Thanks bebu. Many times, I lose my connection with her. It is sad.

So here we are. Two steps forward. One step backward. So the actual displacement is just one step. Kya kare. Maybe this is the best we can do right now. Maybe there is no need to compare. What is meant to happen will come our way. There is no need to run, to panic, to become desperate.
We can allow the events to unfold as destined. Allow people to walk in when they are meant to. And leave when thay want to. Its alright.

We have not run away. We have not balked at what we need to do. We are still on the field. For better or for worse. Regardless of a win or a loss.

Still on the battlefield.

Regardless of a win or loss

Appu organized a short trip for me and for the first time in ages, it was not about work. So it was a welcome change. Of course there were a few hiccups. Worked most of the night on friday so could not get any sleep before leaving early morning, missed my return flight, the driver of the cab had major ego hassles and there were some other minor irritations. Apart from that, it was change from my daily routine and that in itself has been good. Thank you Appu, for everything.

We finally have a CA who is proactive and mature and is taking charge of the mess gradually. We are in touch with a recruitment agency for an accountant and hopefully, we will be able to select someone with a vision and consistency of effort. The payment gateway is in the process of being integrated so at least the online shop is moving towards being completely operational. Due to the efforts of Appu, we were contacted by CREDAI, an association of real estate developers for understanding our nature of work. They have even asked for a write-up on the projects executed which will be hopefully published in their quarterly journal. That should give us some visibility in the market.

We all want freedom. Without the responsibilities. Without the consistency and discipline that is required to nurture that freedom. Therefore, it has been so tough to create a team which is self-disciplined and motivated. And it continues to be a small team. There are not too many willing to walk the talk.

Projects are nowhere on our radar as yet. The horizon is completely clear. No enquiry, no proposal, no work. OK. I guess there is no need to panic. we just need to wait it out. Wait for the right moment. I am sure something good has been planned for us by the universe. And it will appear when the time is right. When the time is right. That is a huge statement.

The visible and the not so visible, the existence and the absence, the living and the being, the attachment with detachment.

This is the path chosen, for good or for bad,
for better or for worse, with aloneness or without,
with pain or with joy.

Regardless of a win or loss.

The weekend is here

We worked the night. With a long weekend ahead because of Good Friday,we had to complete some targets and Dimpi and Shikha stayed in the office. I think we have been able to finalize one map for the online shop ( at least we managed to finish one) and that too without any errors. The data for the site in Chennai has been checked and verified for the AMSL values. Hopefully, we can begin work on the project (which means we are not without work, My God, what a relief). Ramesh, our evergreen peon also stayed back and so tea and coffee was not a problem during the night.

Rajeev has put a cap on the expenditure. We are running in the reserve now ( at least there is the reserve,there was a time when there was no fuel,no oxygen to run at all). So no outgoing payments till something comes in. The ‘money’ always controls everything.

The ‘server’ has been upgraded and may start operating as a ‘server’ soon. I mean till now it was a ‘server’ but was just being used like any other system.

The software developed by Ashok has a wrong beginning so it has gone haywire and he will have to re-start. It is extremely important to have a clear and correct starting point in the right direction before the beginning of any journey. One wrong turn and then it takes miles in terms of distance (and years in terms of time) to get back to to the right track. The same is true for a project and in life. I wanted to tell him this but somethings cannot be told. Everyone needs to make their own mistakes and learn from them. Nothing to be done. That the cost of these mistakes are to be borne by all who are associated, is another matter altogether.

Haven’t slept too well so maybe I am just rambling.

Maybe it is better than all the best crafted speeches designed to win,to manipulate.

The weekend is here.

Let me correct that, ‘the long weekend is here’.

If you win, you lose,if you lose, you lose anyway.

Is there any game where you lose either way? If you lose, you lose it all, if you win, even then you lose it all. If there is such a game, then ‘enterpreneurship’ is definitey one of them. If you lose, you are on the roads (unless of course you have the assets to sustain the damages) and in case you make it, by the time you do, a lot has been lost along the way (relationships, hobbies, me-time,peace). This chakkar of making it ‘big’. Its all in the head anyway. I think the only gift of all this arduous walk towards enterpreneurship for me, has been this little time slot in the morning to be able to go for a walk (of course hoping that the mobile would not ring constantly). That is what it boils down to, for me. And to be able to run the house and the office with synergy.

The rest is all make-up. Illusions. Nothing real out there.

I dropped my mobile in the water, the blackberry if you may please (which was bought after many years of planning). So there is forced silence and it is actually quite nice. Apart from the worry that I may have busted it and therefore may not be able to use it again (nor buy another one), the break from calls is actually quite welcome.

There are a lot of pending bills with a lot of pending work. In the office and in the house. We are moving mm by mm, towards creating the online shop. Its a slow process. Everything that is worthwhile to achieve is a slow process. Patience is the name of the game. If it could be bought, a lot many more people would have it.

My father has not called in a long time. For many years, he was the one to inform me about any new tenders or opportunities for bidding. Maybe he is not well. maybe I should call and check. But its always ‘mother’ who takes the calls. And she left me long ago. Maybe both of them left me long ago, either emotionally or physically. Is it possible that love dies? Is it so simple?

I guess that is where I stand today.

If you win you lose, if you lose, you are a loser anyway.

Back to the basics

Today is just one of those days. A day of ‘grief’.  For all that did not work out. For all that was lost. From all that I had to walk away from.  There is a sense of ‘tiredness’ from facing the consequences of ‘taking a stand’ all the time.  Its like winning and losing. Its as if we have won and lost at the same time. What has been lost to win has been huge. In the process of surviving, we have died. There is this huge need to cry, that is if tears come.

This is also perhaps a day of ‘amends’. For my freind and batchmate ‘Mamta Anand’ who was killed by a man who claimed to love her. She had come to do M.Tech and I was in the final year of my B.tech.  We became friends and she shared with me that she needed to move away from her boyfriend as he was very controlling and abusive.  Once after spending a weekend with him, she came back early morning, scared to death. She shared that he had pointed a revolver to her head and threatened that if she did not obey him and stay with him, he would kill her. I took it very lightly. I believed that ‘love’ meant not hurting the one you loved. I was wrong. Then and many times again.He did kill her. By offering  ‘laddus’ laced with arsenic on the occasion of ‘diwali’. The irony was that he had taken permission from his parents to meet her. He was the son of a sitting MP with a lot of political clout. Mamta’s father believed in ‘Gandhivaad’ and ‘non-violence’. He asked Mamta to be gentle with him even if she wanted to leave him and to give him time to get over her. That was a the biggest mistake he made. He apologized to his daughter but only after her death. And I could not even do that as I was part of the IIT system and the entire affair was hushed up. It would have been blasphemous to tarnish the name of IIT Kanpur, the most hallowed institution in the country. I was not allowed to meet her parents, attend her funeral or give testimony in court. And in all probability, her killer is now married and well settled.

I am sorry Mamta. I was myself too scared and without support at that point to take on the system. It is a flimsy excuse. But I hope to get another chance to be able to finish the unfinished task. And this time round I will not dither to take a stand.

Sandeep has nearly finished the survey and should be back soon. We have been able to pay the salaries on time this month. This is huge for us. A great milestone. The office space is decent. For once there is no immediate crisis on the horizon except in the house. Amma has become too arrogant to live with and I have to allow her to leave. The water purifier has conked off, a glass shelf in the refrigerator is broken and the gas as ususal is over. I am sure there is another endless list of pending jobs. Deep breath.

I will do just what I can today.

Back to the basics. And doing the next right thing.

Reality is very strange

Business and politics.

Looks as if both are similar jungles. Only the fittest survive. And everything is fair. Winning is everything. Numbers are everything, whether in money or votes.

So being honest is really not important. And it is also like a match. If the other team is bending to unscruplulous means to win, what are we supposed to do?

Get continuously defeated?

Yashi Consulting has continuously challenged our self respect, our honesty and in the end, they have also stopped our payment.

The last straw on the camels’ back.

Today, I can undertsand why people take to cheating and dis-honesty. People like Mr. Sanjay Gupta and bogus companies like Yashi consulting who cheat. And to fight with them, one has to lower ones’ standards.
To fight a monster, become a monster.

And this is where the mafia comes in. Immediate settlement. Fair and square.

Maybe we need the same. When all our faxes, all our mails, all our pleading fails, creating fear for getting justice.

Maybe this is how terrorists are born.

Reality is very strange.

Walking the walk

We need an accountant. And we need a marketing guy. And we need funds.
So what’s really new here guys.

There was a tender with Jalandhar Municipal Corporation and since the investment was high, we decided to go ahead with a lead partner, Genesys. It was all smooth till they asked for our company details and we asked for an agreement. Then we were asked to define our scope of work in the entire project. We mentioned that we could actually handle the complete technical execution from start to finish and that they needed to highlight what part they were keen on doing. And that was it. All communication stopped.
I am wondering if stating our capabilities was what busted it. I mean we should have shown our disability and shortcomings rather than our strength. And maybe because it is a company being headed by a woman. Maybe it is true that it is difficult, maybe impossible for a woman to break the glass ceiling in the corporate world. What else can explain the slow and tedious growth of Global Coordinates?
Or should I follow the idiom: ‘stoop to win’ literally. Jhuk jao, doormat ban jao. Then it might work. To do it with self respect and honesty and dignity, forget it.

Maybe I am speculating.Maybe I don’t want to see the reality even when it is staring me in the face. Jo bhi hai, kuch to theek nahin hai. Actually, kuch bhi theek nahin hai.

Theek ho jayega, like in the future tense. It will get better.

is an irrelevant question.

Just walk the walk.


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