On behalf of Global Coordinates, I would like to thank Adam and Paul of webschematic for doing a stupendous job of creating our site and hosting it for so many years. We would also like to wish them great success in their chosen paths. Thank you Adam. And thank you Paul for the smooth handover of the sites without major hiccups and for being there for us unconditionally.

Chandan, Ritesh and Altaf have left. They could not take the pressure of gettting the online shop up and moving anymore. They have quit midway. Altaf anyway came in after desperate attempts to get a job. After having one, he could not value it. Ritesh had just begun moving on the learning curve. Maybe the effort required to be a winner was too much for him (notwithstanding his IIT tag). All the best guys. Maybe freedom and responsibility is not your cup of tea.

Queries for training. For forming a consortium for a tender. Good signs. But we need more than just signs. More than just opportunities. We need to win the race.

Theree steps forward. Two steps backward. Or maybe four.

The same dance. One two three. One two three.

Time to try a new choreography.

We collected a few copies of the quarterly in-house journal of CREDAI where a write-up on our work has been published and it felt very good. After so many years our work is being recognized and there is a feeling of pride and joy in the team. Anand (our senior accountant) has even kept a copy for himself. OK, a pat on our back would be well deserved.
The job for the integration of the payment gateway has been given to the X-Cart guys. Found no other suitable company to handle it. So now the online shop will be able to handle payments in Indian rupees as well as US Dollars. Another step forward.

Still looking for the constituency maps. From the Election Commissioners’ office to the Registrar General of India’s office, no clue till date. Or maybe we are not desperate enough, as of now.
More interviews, tests, shortlisting. Tough job. To find the right guy for the right job. Either one finds a right guy for the wrong job or the wrong guy for the right job. Bahut complicated hai.

No water supply in the house. ‘Money’ and ‘water’, from the right sources are difficult to find. Of course there are ‘other channels’ but then they are not ‘ authenticated’ or ‘straight’ channels. And anything ‘straight’ is difficult. A straight path, a straight man. Very rare.

‘Darr’. ‘fear’, has been a very large part of our life. Sometimes there is fear in making a call to a client or to the landlord or to the banker. There is fear in receiving bills. In facing the next day. Or the next hour. The ‘what if’s’.
What if no project comes our way. What if the rent is not paid. What if the salaries are not dispersed. What if there is no money for petrol. The never ending ‘what ifs’. Need a large dose of faith here. We are OK. And We will be OK. Just breathe.

Appu is upset with me. And yet she has designed T-shirts with the GC logo, for giving away as gifts, on the eve of Diwali. Thanks bebu. Many times, I lose my connection with her. It is sad.

So here we are. Two steps forward. One step backward. So the actual displacement is just one step. Kya kare. Maybe this is the best we can do right now. Maybe there is no need to compare. What is meant to happen will come our way. There is no need to run, to panic, to become desperate.
We can allow the events to unfold as destined. Allow people to walk in when they are meant to. And leave when thay want to. Its alright.

We have not run away. We have not balked at what we need to do. We are still on the field. For better or for worse. Regardless of a win or a loss.

Still on the battlefield.

We finally have a CA who is proactive and mature and is taking charge of the mess gradually. We are in touch with a recruitment agency for an accountant and hopefully, we will be able to select someone with a vision and consistency of effort. The payment gateway is in the process of being integrated so at least the online shop is moving towards being completely operational. Due to the efforts of Appu, we were contacted by CREDAI, an association of real estate developers for understanding our nature of work. They have even asked for a write-up on the projects executed which will be hopefully published in their quarterly journal. That should give us some visibility in the market.

We all want freedom. Without the responsibilities. Without the consistency and discipline that is required to nurture that freedom. Therefore, it has been so tough to create a team which is self-disciplined and motivated. And it continues to be a small team. There are not too many willing to walk the talk.

Projects are nowhere on our radar as yet. The horizon is completely clear. No enquiry, no proposal, no work. OK. I guess there is no need to panic. we just need to wait it out. Wait for the right moment. I am sure something good has been planned for us by the universe. And it will appear when the time is right. When the time is right. That is a huge statement.

The visible and the not so visible, the existence and the absence, the living and the being, the attachment with detachment.

This is the path chosen, for good or for bad,
for better or for worse, with aloneness or without,
with pain or with joy.

Regardless of a win or loss.

Rajeev has put a cap on the expenditure. We are running in the reserve now ( at least there is the reserve,there was a time when there was no fuel,no oxygen to run at all). So no outgoing payments till something comes in. The ‘money’ always controls everything.

The ‘server’ has been upgraded and may start operating as a ‘server’ soon. I mean till now it was a ‘server’ but was just being used like any other system.

The software developed by Ashok has a wrong beginning so it has gone haywire and he will have to re-start. It is extremely important to have a clear and correct starting point in the right direction before the beginning of any journey. One wrong turn and then it takes miles in terms of distance (and years in terms of time) to get back to to the right track. The same is true for a project and in life. I wanted to tell him this but somethings cannot be told. Everyone needs to make their own mistakes and learn from them. Nothing to be done. That the cost of these mistakes are to be borne by all who are associated, is another matter altogether.

Haven’t slept too well so maybe I am just rambling.

Maybe it is better than all the best crafted speeches designed to win,to manipulate.

The weekend is here.

Let me correct that, ‘the long weekend is here’.

The rest is all make-up. Illusions. Nothing real out there.

I dropped my mobile in the water, the blackberry if you may please (which was bought after many years of planning). So there is forced silence and it is actually quite nice. Apart from the worry that I may have busted it and therefore may not be able to use it again (nor buy another one), the break from calls is actually quite welcome.

There are a lot of pending bills with a lot of pending work. In the office and in the house. We are moving mm by mm, towards creating the online shop. Its a slow process. Everything that is worthwhile to achieve is a slow process. Patience is the name of the game. If it could be bought, a lot many more people would have it.

My father has not called in a long time. For many years, he was the one to inform me about any new tenders or opportunities for bidding. Maybe he is not well. maybe I should call and check. But its always ‘mother’ who takes the calls. And she left me long ago. Maybe both of them left me long ago, either emotionally or physically. Is it possible that love dies? Is it so simple?

I guess that is where I stand today.

If you win you lose, if you lose, you are a loser anyway.

This is also perhaps a day of ‘amends’. For my freind and batchmate ‘Mamta Anand’ who was killed by a man who claimed to love her. She had come to do M.Tech and I was in the final year of my B.tech.  We became friends and she shared with me that she needed to move away from her boyfriend as he was very controlling and abusive.  Once after spending a weekend with him, she came back early morning, scared to death. She shared that he had pointed a revolver to her head and threatened that if she did not obey him and stay with him, he would kill her. I took it very lightly. I believed that ‘love’ meant not hurting the one you loved. I was wrong. Then and many times again.He did kill her. By offering  ‘laddus’ laced with arsenic on the occasion of ‘diwali’. The irony was that he had taken permission from his parents to meet her. He was the son of a sitting MP with a lot of political clout. Mamta’s father believed in ‘Gandhivaad’ and ‘non-violence’. He asked Mamta to be gentle with him even if she wanted to leave him and to give him time to get over her. That was a the biggest mistake he made. He apologized to his daughter but only after her death. And I could not even do that as I was part of the IIT system and the entire affair was hushed up. It would have been blasphemous to tarnish the name of IIT Kanpur, the most hallowed institution in the country. I was not allowed to meet her parents, attend her funeral or give testimony in court. And in all probability, her killer is now married and well settled.

I am sorry Mamta. I was myself too scared and without support at that point to take on the system. It is a flimsy excuse. But I hope to get another chance to be able to finish the unfinished task. And this time round I will not dither to take a stand.

Sandeep has nearly finished the survey and should be back soon. We have been able to pay the salaries on time this month. This is huge for us. A great milestone. The office space is decent. For once there is no immediate crisis on the horizon except in the house. Amma has become too arrogant to live with and I have to allow her to leave. The water purifier has conked off, a glass shelf in the refrigerator is broken and the gas as ususal is over. I am sure there is another endless list of pending jobs. Deep breath.

I will do just what I can today.

Back to the basics. And doing the next right thing.

Looks as if both are similar jungles. Only the fittest survive. And everything is fair. Winning is everything. Numbers are everything, whether in money or votes.

So being honest is really not important. And it is also like a match. If the other team is bending to unscruplulous means to win, what are we supposed to do?

Get continuously defeated?

Yashi Consulting has continuously challenged our self respect, our honesty and in the end, they have also stopped our payment.

The last straw on the camels’ back.

Today, I can undertsand why people take to cheating and dis-honesty. People like Mr. Sanjay Gupta and bogus companies like Yashi consulting who cheat. And to fight with them, one has to lower ones’ standards.
To fight a monster, become a monster.

And this is where the mafia comes in. Immediate settlement. Fair and square.

Maybe we need the same. When all our faxes, all our mails, all our pleading fails, creating fear for getting justice.

Maybe this is how terrorists are born.

Reality is very strange.

There was a tender with Jalandhar Municipal Corporation and since the investment was high, we decided to go ahead with a lead partner, Genesys. It was all smooth till they asked for our company details and we asked for an agreement. Then we were asked to define our scope of work in the entire project. We mentioned that we could actually handle the complete technical execution from start to finish and that they needed to highlight what part they were keen on doing. And that was it. All communication stopped.
I am wondering if stating our capabilities was what busted it. I mean we should have shown our disability and shortcomings rather than our strength. And maybe because it is a company being headed by a woman. Maybe it is true that it is difficult, maybe impossible for a woman to break the glass ceiling in the corporate world. What else can explain the slow and tedious growth of Global Coordinates?
Or should I follow the idiom: ‘stoop to win’ literally. Jhuk jao, doormat ban jao. Then it might work. To do it with self respect and honesty and dignity, forget it.

Maybe I am speculating.Maybe I don’t want to see the reality even when it is staring me in the face. Jo bhi hai, kuch to theek nahin hai. Actually, kuch bhi theek nahin hai.

Theek ho jayega, like in the future tense. It will get better.
When?

is an irrelevant question.

Just walk the walk.